"You guys are so right but i just dont do it.. i dont know why.. im idiot.."
1Wish. It seems to me you are afraid. Face up to it. You do need to go to a counsellor.
As your are in the UK, you can go to your GP and ask. You can even self refer.
Did you see or read the news recently about the government's attitudes towards mental health and its commitment to providing services? It was a LibDem minister who announced it. One of the few things this gov has done right.
You can also got to its good to talk and find a local counsellor. Read that site.
Choose one who does solution based/focused brief therapy. You can do it over the phone or via skype too. You won't even have to leave home.
Just do it though.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
"HOW" should you go? Uh, take a cab or drive...I don't get the question. You have a phone, and your gov subsidizes it, so what's the hard part here? (Other than you DOING it, and not just talking)?
Do you want us to walk you through it or what? thinking of buying chocolates and flowers and saying its a shame that it didnt work out.. That ^^ is an odd combination of gestures, but it's also an obvious example of you pretending to detach, WHILE pursuing her, again. And wanting to engage with her, AGAIN, yet not even admitting it. And what does it have to do with YOU going to counseling? NOTHING....so why connect the two???
You won't go to counseling OR BENEFIT if it's all about HER STILL....OMG are you thinking that if you go to cousenling that THEN SHE will take you back?
She'll only take you back IF IF IF YOU CHANGE...and that requires counseling but it's not the reason you need counseling.
You NEED Counseling b/c you don't know how to make a move in your life, you are very insecure/confused, & b/c you are too co-dependent on your wife& .
im always here if you need me. And then go..
This is NOT about your wife. This is about YOU NEEDING HELP... It has nothing to do with her. She is not relevant to this. Don't make it about her.
Just get some help.
We've said this so many times. To have you reply about how you are going to TELL HER about it, and how you will GIVE HER FLOWERS, and pretend to break up (obvious maneuver to get a reaction from her, but
what surprises me most, is how you think WE won't see through it too.
Iwish, Man, I think You do not know how your actions appear to others...and That's a problem you need to solve for your whole life. Not merely the m.
Do You understand what I mean by that? Regardless, get to the nearest counselor you have and tell them about Your issues, not just your wife, okay? We support those who can/will help themselves.
Otherwise we are wasting our time (and yours). Fair enough?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
"Ok im going today.. how should i go.. thinking of buying chocolates and flowers and saying its a shame that it didnt work out.. im always here if you need me. And then go.."
I seriously hope you didn't do that. All of that is just a show that you're trying to put on to get her to pity you.
What is one thing that has shown that you've actually actually listened to us?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"Ok im going today.. how should i go.. thinking of buying chocolates and flowers and saying its a shame that it didnt work out.. im always here if you need me. And then go.."
I seriously hope you didn't do that. All of that is just a show that you're trying to put on to get her to pity you.
What is one thing that has shown that you've actually actually listened to us?
I did do it.. i ask for advice before acting out what i plan.
I am focusing on myself right now.. i have been actibely seeking work for my freelance work to keep me busy during the evenings. I am trying to do constructive things.
I want to learn to ride a motorcycle so im focusing on that. I want new skills. I am seeking out local counsellors in my area that i am residing at the mo.
i am re reading db. I am constantly reading sandis golden rules. I am trying not to think about the R but myself and how i can be a better person. I am trying to move forward and i am giving her the time and space she needs in order to let her figure out things on her own.
She tells me she wants to make new friends and do new stuff.. she feels i dont condone such. I do but i also have controlling behavioural patterns which im sure you guys know about. Imtrying to change that. I am working on myself and trying to be whole and happy without her but still want the R to prosper forward.
no your just too harsh.. you keep putting me down..
1Wish, did you think this was going to be easy? You can choose to see people as harsh and putting you down. And you can walk away and nothing changes.
OR you can see it for what it really is: asking hard questions to get you to think, challenging what you've been doing (because that's what got you into this mess in the first place), showing you specific actions that you can take to make a difference.
You have done a great job of ignoring advice. How's that working for you? Maybe it's time to get the chip off your shoulder and try something different.
