Ok so wifes been acting funny didnt want 2 b on the fone n was so out of character about it.. didnt even sound like she was out.. sounded like she was in a car..
Ok so wifes been acting funny didnt want 2 b on the fone n was so out of character about it.. didnt even sound like she was out.. sounded like she was in a car.. So what? Who cares if she was in a train? (Or a plane or a boat?)
Who cares what her TONE was like? Why does ANY of that matter? Do you intentionally make yourself feel lousy?
To me, that's what you are doing. But Why? Iwish, Your thought process is a disturbing one.
Here^^ You "interpret" the ambient sound of OR behind a conversation with your wife, on the phone....and you read SO MUCH into it , and ALL of it is negative??--- and I can't even follow where you are going with your FEARS!... Literally, I don't know where you are headed with this crazy stuff.
but it seems like you are headed nowhere fast.
How do i block my insecurity now?
HOW?
You get help. You go to counseling. When Bond says "go to C", the "C" stands for COUNSELING.
Did you know that? So, that's the answer. You get professional help. Do you understand? How do you feel about that?
Are you going to do it, or not? IF not, why not?
You can get better, Iwish. You can grow & learn things and change...
You simply have to ACT, not talk about it. More Doing, less worrying.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yeah i did.. i feel like i should ive spoken to my friends and every single one of them say no dont. Your wasting your money.. they are all vultures coming in at times of need and taking your money.. it doesnt put me off it though.
I dont have time to do it.. im always working 9 to 6 and then have private clients for my graphic design work that i carry out in the evenings.
I want to grow and learn and most of all change.
You guys are so right but i just dont do it.. i dont know why.. im idiot..
I said this ONCE to my DB coach early on and that was the onl time she really hit my with a 2x4. She replies "there is nothing more important in your life right now. You cannot be too busy."
Councling can take an hour a week. In the case of a DB coach it can be over the phone.
Look at it this way- if your W said she'd reconcile with you if you agreed to 1 hour/week of C for 6 months, would you do it? If not, that's not much commitment. But if you WOULD agree to that, then realize- she'll never come out and make that offer. But if you get the help you need ON YOUR OWN then you MIGHT have a shot at the outcome you want.
Of course, if you're happy to be single with a good sob story for your buddies that are telling you not to bother then don't worry about it.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Hello there, 1Wish. I have been ducking in and out of your thread for awhile -- basically because I read mostly anything 25 posts - cause, well, she basically saved my a$$ along with a crew of others (including Bond).
So regarding counseling, your friends are way off the mark...and possibly not in the same situation as you so they are in no true position to derive the value of counseling for you or not. Changing sux. Badly...it's painful, it's humiliating at times, and it can drain you emotionally - but those EXACT same words can be said about the divorce process. I have been through counseling and I have been through divorce. Care to guess which one brought my XW and me back closer together? It's a fairly obvious answer.
Counseling is a good faith sign to yourself that you are wanting and willing to change - and if you are lucky, you W too. Nonetheless, you have to admit that you have issues - which you have kinda done - but you have not necessarily DONE anything about them. Nothing proactively, anyway....that would allow you to cosign for your own actions.
Despite the difficulty of counseling and change it is THE MOST liberating experience ever. Admitting fault gives you power - the power to DO something about it. That is what I did, and that is what has made a monumental change in my situation (my XW is moving back and donated the bed from her condo and our S's bed to a refugee family today). Had I not gone to counseling and LISTENED to the people that hit me on the nose with rolled up newspapers like I was a cocker spaniel that pooped on the rug, NOTHING would have changed for me or my situation -- I assure you.
There are bad counselors out there - I had 1 or 2, but they are NOT vultures looking to take your money at a time of weakness. Wanna know who is, though? Divorce lawyers. Where do you want you want to spend your money?
You can do it. Ignore your friends. Get help. Go to counseling. It will help.
"Yeah i did.. i feel like i should ive spoken to my friends and every single one of them say no dont. Your wasting your money.. they are all vultures coming in at times of need and taking your money.. it doesnt put me off it though."
More excuses.
"I dont have time to do it.. im always working 9 to 6 and then have private clients for my graphic design work that i carry out in the evenings."
Even more excuses. I work 8 to 5, coach 2 sports teams, make dinner every night AND have a freelance job to which I work on till 2:00 in the morning.
"I want to grow and learn and most of all change."
More BS
"You guys are so right but i just dont do it.. i dont know why.. im idiot.."
Yes you are. And the biggest tragedy is that you CHOOSE to be an idiot.
Why are you even here? You swore...SWORE that you would listen to us on here and was going to follow whatever we recommended. Instead, all we hear is more excuses like before.
We've all spent a long time writing to you and you just blow it off. Look, get counseling or your M is over. If you don't want to do the work, go ahead and file the paperwork and let your W be with someone who wants to be with her. Who wants to do the work to be a good man to her.
I'm sure you enjoy the idea of another man making love to your W and how much more passion she will feel with someone who connects with her on more than just a physical level. I mean she pretty much said that she may need you around just physically, but that can easily be replaced. In fact, she should go out with several guys and start experimenting to see who is the one that can get her off the most. Can you imagine her waking up in the morning and smiling at someone who isn't you? I'm sure she can.
But you don't seem to want to fight for that. You're more interested in arguing why you're too lazy to do anything.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ok im going today.. how should i go.. thinking of buying chocolates and flowers and saying its a shame that it didnt work out.. im always here if you need me. And then go..
