So..it's been like one week since my H and I have spoke...this is honestly the hardest thing I've ever done! I'm really not sure how long I can do this, I catch myself constantly thinking of the two of them together! How do I get them out of my head? And still my in-laws have had no contact with me but they continue to buy gifts for my son and tell him they love me..but won't talk to me...So confused! How do I let my son spend time with them knowing they support this new relationship with the HW...and basically bribing him to be ok with the Sitch?
Will my H ever realize or care how much he has put his family through?
M:37 H: 38 Married 16/ T20 Son: 16 Caught cheating with HW (also my good friend) 8/20/14 Papers delivered: 9/4/14
I just checked in, I don't come to this site much anymore. You ask valid questions, but you may never get answers from your H. Did you read Sandi's 37 Rules? Print them out and follow them. Even though the D is grinding on.
The most important thing to do is GAL (Get A Life)! Your life revolves around your son it seems. Make some time for you. Join a club, take a class, do something you have always wanted to. Or maybe something you aren't sure about, but someone else suggests.
I learned to meditate. I took yoga classes and they do a little meditation at the end. Very powerful for getting that anxiety in check. Read as many of other peoples threads as you can. Go back and read some from the beginning. All the answers are there.
Make sure you are getting enough sleep, and eating right. Take care.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wenikitiki...Thank you for a response! I have read the rules several times but still find this whole process to be mentally draining. I don't even want a divorce and not only did I file for it but now it just seems to be driven by retaliation from both sides. I just want to tell my H I can't do this anymore! And my H and the OW have each other for support and I feel so alone in this process!
I have been trying to GAL spending much more time with my family and at the gym. I will be joining a new kind of gym that's totally out of my comfort zone, but maybe just what I need!
My son is a priority for me and really right now while my H and his family are sending so many mixed messages, by involving ow in his life and buying him expensive stuff. I feel like I once again I'm on my own with making sure he is shown how to live an honest life without bribing , cheating or manipulation!
I have been trying to read more posts and it's sad to see so many people struggling with a lot of the same type of pain, but encouraging as well to know there can be a light at the end of the tunnel! Thank you again for your response!
M:37 H: 38 Married 16/ T20 Son: 16 Caught cheating with HW (also my good friend) 8/20/14 Papers delivered: 9/4/14
Well Intime it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Keep setting a good example for your son. My sister lost her husband to a heart attack a few years ago. Her motto is: "Keep doing the next right thing." That works for us as well in crazy life transitions.
Aloha!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
WenikiTiki, Love the motto! Im really trying to do the right things but gosh it sure is a battle some days! I really struggle the days my son is with his dad or the weekends im home alone! I read some of your posts and sounds like we had some similarities in our stories...I'm sorry! I kinda got a little chuckle..because one of the statments my H said to me that is the worst justification of his affair was "It's your fault for being friends with her and bringing her around" I believe your H said something similar! All I can say is WOW..where do they come up with this stuff?
M:37 H: 38 Married 16/ T20 Son: 16 Caught cheating with HW (also my good friend) 8/20/14 Papers delivered: 9/4/14
What is funny and sad all at the same time is that all the stories have a lot of "script" in them. The most famous being "I love you but I'm not in love with you". And we just can't make this stuff up.
Well, the stories are complex. But we just need to get out of there way and let them use their own brains. And if they have an OW puppet master, still get out of the way and let them figure out if they are grown men or just picking a different mommy! Because who want to be mommy to a grown adult child?
Did you try the new gym yet? OK,
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
WenikiTiki..oh yes I got that one as well "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Well, I really hope it eased his mind telling me that while he's sleeping with my friend!
I'm slowly getting out of the way hopefully he's not completly brain washed by the OW and will eventually realize what he's losing or maybe even lost by the time this divorce is over! I'm pretty sure the OW would love to be his mommy, she's quite a bit older than him and would do just about anything to get into his family, for financial reasons mostly! She's proved what type of morals she has, it sad to think I was actually her friend. How did I not see or hear the signs?? Maybe I did, but just didn't want to think a friend or husband would be capable of causing so much devistation to the people that love them!
Haha..im still working up the courage to try the new gym! Hopefully by the end of this week. These people are serious STUDS..like olympic level weight lifters. And here's me needing to lose 45 lbs but I really don't care..I think it will be great motivation being around such dedicated people! WenikiTiki..I appreciate your input so much and am greatful to have such great advise from people that have gone through the same heartache and survived!
M:37 H: 38 Married 16/ T20 Son: 16 Caught cheating with HW (also my good friend) 8/20/14 Papers delivered: 9/4/14
Rough day again..I just miss my husband so much! I saw him yesterday for a few minutes so he could pay his child support and I still get butterflies every time I see him, but I'm still so upset with him also! My son said he asked about me the other day wanted to know how much weight I lost and how I was doing! Why can't he just ask me that? He still won't text or call for anything unless it's in regards to money or our son! My son and I got into an argument last night about the OW, I asked him if she comes around on his Dads time with him if he would just call me to come get him. Because I don't believe right now is the time for him to be exposed to there new relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend..instead of my friend and my husband. He says he doesn't want to be in the middle of it and just wants us both to be happy. Unfortunately..I won't be happy if he's being forced to spend time with the two of them just for the sake of his dad's selfish happiness! He doesn't understand he can have an opinion but doesn't want to upset either of us so he just plays middle ground! I'm not just asking him to not be around her because of the circumstances but because I've found out she is doing some very undesirable work to help support herself until I'm sure my husband I are divorced! As well as her being a horrible role model as to what a significant other should be, she's also a horrible mother and by no means do I want that as an example for my son! Unfortunately his dad is in the same boat as far as being a horrid example of a husband and father at this time in his life, but all I can do is just explain to him that the choices he's making are wrong! Which he also gets upset about..do I just stop talking to my son about this all together or what?
M:37 H: 38 Married 16/ T20 Son: 16 Caught cheating with HW (also my good friend) 8/20/14 Papers delivered: 9/4/14
Thank you again for your response!