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A Message from Michele
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Re: Going Down Hill [Re: jim0987] #2504470
11/05/14 04:55 PM
11/05/14 04:55 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 266
1
1foot2 Offline
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1foot2  Offline
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1
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 266
Yeah you handled that just right. And one of my Ws informal LLs was when i sit and watch the bachelor with her (show is awful), so i would have done the same thing!

i think its a good sign that she felt comfortable enough to tell you those things. theres probably 10x more of that going on in her head.


M: 33
W: 33
M: 9 T: 10
3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5
BD: 8/3/14
Living together
Re: Going Down Hill [Re: 1foot2] #2505846
11/09/14 10:25 PM
11/09/14 10:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
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zed  Offline OP
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Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
I'm trying to make sense of this all and I think it helps to compare it to something. This is the best I can think of.nI think of the failure of my marriage sort of like this.

This is like a important test in school. Where you studied and thought you were going to do good. When you went to wright the test you realized that you studied the wrong lesson. You still tried your best but ultimately failed the test. Who is to blame?

You beg and plead with the teacher. Trying to explain and hoping you can get a make up exam or extra credit assignment to no avail. Then you get mad and angry at the teacher b/c she did not give you another chance and say how unfair she is.
But you soon realize that it is your fault. For maybe goofing off in class and not listening correctly. Not asking other school mates to confirm that you were studying was the right lesson. Maybe the teacher will give you another chance. Maybe not. But I'm guessing next time you will listen a lot better in class so that this will never happen again


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Re: Going Down Hill [Re: zed] #2506574
11/12/14 03:31 AM
11/12/14 03:31 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
Z
zed Offline OP
Member
zed  Offline OP
Member
Z
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 151
So tomorrow is my mediation with wife. Splitting up assets. Seeing who and how much we each get the kids. Deciding who get the house. It will probably be the worst day of my life. Arguing over things that I wish just did not have to be done and with someone that I still very much love and don't want to hurt. I know I have to be strong for me and my kids. I almost want to cave and let her have everything. But a lot of people say that I will regret it in the future.
Things I want. 50/50 with the kids. She has said in the past that this will not happen
I want the house. It is what I thought our dream house. We built 3 years ago. But wife reminded me that I was the one to push to build a new house and she just wanted to buy another house for the time being. No she wants it for some reason.

Told wife this morning that this feels like the last day we will ever be a family. She said she has been to busy being angry and sad to think about it. But off to work out to clear mind. Anyone with suggestions for tomorrow would be great.


M:35 W 31
D's:6, 4 & 2
T:9 M:7
ILYBNILWY- Mar/14
DP Served Dec.17/14

Re: Going Down Hill [Re: zed] #2506580
11/12/14 03:37 AM
11/12/14 03:37 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
R
raliced Offline
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raliced  Offline
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R
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
Zed,

I'm going through this as well. I know you love your wife, but I agree with the people that say you will regret it if you cave to her. Your kids need you to be guided by what is in their best interest right now. I'm not sure exactly how the system works there in Canada - but I presume the mediator is there to help you be reasonable with one another. Utilize that.

Good luck- it will be a tough day - but you will get through it.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Re: Going Down Hill [Re: raliced] #2506587
11/12/14 04:28 AM
11/12/14 04:28 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
M
Mozza Offline
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Mozza  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,532
Try reading the 37 rules tomorrow morning. Find a quick way to detach. I know mild anger has this short-term effect on me, giving me a clearer head for a few hours. Might be enough to go through this ordeal without pleading, giving up, etc.

Remember: nothing you will say tomorrow will make her stay. Except perhaps "Fine, go. I'll be ok."

Courage. And report back.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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