Well i thought there was a chink of light in my darkness at one point today. This morning W said that she's "thinking of coming off the website"! I thought that might have been the start of something because i told her she seemed obsessed by it all and that she should really take a look at herself..but no! Later she said that she wants "to go out tonight and meet more people socially" i.e. clubbing i see that as. "The website is good for chatting but that's all" - even though that's how she met OW who she's involved with now!
She then texts me at work asking again what my thoughts were about her going out tonight. I didn't answer so she phones me. Reluctantly I told her to go, i don't control her - nothing i can do to stop her..detach .. let her go etc. I got sucked into a conversation for an hour - she's gay and not going to change, in spite of everybody telling her to try and work on marriage, how she's hurting everybody, daughters calling her ridiculous etc. her own family hurt. I said let's go and talk to a counsellor. She said if its a marriage counsellor then not interested. Back and forth like that. She admitted at one point that she's "in a fog" and perhaps she needs to go and live on her own because everything she's doing or saying is hurting somebody.
Admit i'm finding it hard. Like most guys here i still love my wife and want her back.
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
She admitted at one point that she's "in a fog" and perhaps she needs to go and live on her own because everything she's doing or saying is hurting somebody.
That is pretty normal for this crisis, if you read DR or DB it tells you that they must go down every cheesless tunnel to search for their happiness, their is NO stopping that by any external voice or person.
You must let her go on her own journey and figure out for herself that the tunnel is empty.
Cadet speaks the truth. Let her go. Give up on trying to get her into counseling. She's at the point where she really needs to see this through. You or anyone else trying to convince her otherwise is only going to solidify her resolve.
There can still be hope for your marriage, but you must figure out how to make the situation as it is work for you.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Your W is on a journey and needs to figure things out herself. You cannot force her to attend MC if she isn't interested in it at all.
Also you cannot point out to W that she "should really take a look at herself"...she can't because she's in a crisis; therefore, she's exploring external options to "fix" her angst. Even if it means moving out and living on her own for a while.
It isn't about you or the family at all. It is all 'ME, ME, ME' at the moment.
Thanks all, I'm getting the message. You're right it is hard.
Plans for the weekend are; have to go food shopping for us. Something W is not doing at the moment. She's also lost interest in doing anything around the house. Other priorities it seems.
Then I'm going to a local football game with daughters boyfriend. Still working on plans for the rest of the weekend. There will be time alone with her in the house at some point. Any advice.. Jay
Ages: Me 58 Wife 50 Together: 27 years M25 D24 D21 Bomb Droppped 21 June 2014
There will be time alone with her in the house at some point. Any advice.. Jay
Find something else to do not around her.
Read a book go on computer Play fantasy football Get ready for favorite college/pro football team game Go for a hike Go for a bicycle ride Work out Volunteer somewhere to do something
But yeah, find something to do. Something you enjoy.
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
You crossed the line by attacking Wonka in your post. I think what you have written is extremely inappropriate. Wonka deserves respect for what she has done in helping all of us. I hope you will limit yourself in the future.
After picking my jaw up off the floor I want to say that I agree with Wet wholeheartedly. Your post offended me from top to bottom as I think it will offend many others, no matter their political or religious or social affiliations.
This isn't a site where you get to judge people AT ALL. Who are YOU?
We're here to help if we can. We're here to listen to venting and commiserate together and Wonka, for ONE, has been an incredible source of wisdom, support and guidance for MANY.
You're entitled to your opinion but there's no need to spew it through hatred on this site. Simply no need.
