W filed D about a month ago. Have already had custody hearing / Child & Spousal support is set to start when I move out. Still doing the 180's and GAL.
Last Wednesday she says she I can't do this ( follow through with D) and hurt our son just before I'm leaving for work. Texts me at work to see how I'm doing. I tell her I'm ok. Thanks for sharing your thoughts this morning. I ask if there is anything I can do. She says tell me everything is going to be ok. I tell her everything will be ok. I ask her if we can do this later. She says ok. She asks why am I feeling so bad. I say I hope we can figure that out together. What do you think it is? She says I don't think I should tell you. I ask why. She says she doesn't want to hurt me and she broke things off last night. I asked why. She says we will talk about it later. I'm not going to have any contact with him anymore. I texted back not sure what to say. She texts sorry. I text tell me what do you want to do. She responds try one more time.
I have no idea what she wants right now. What can I say /what should I do? She is so racked with guilt. I'm still willing to try and figure this out. But there are days when I think it would be easier to quit. Still standing...
Thanks for your thoughts!
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
Wow, that's an interesting development. I would hang back a bit and let her come to you with what she wants to do and be positive and affirming like you have been. Keep in mind that your current fatigue may be influencing you to quit or give up. As Elizabeth Gilbert says in Eat, Pray, Love, getting divorced is like being in a bad car accident every day for two years. It's really exhausting on every level -- physical, emotional, spiritual, financial. There's time to sleep on things and see if you feel better in the morning or if you've had any more thoughts on the matter.
What do you mean you have no idea what she wants?!
She just told you dude. Are you really that blind? Now you have a decision to make. Do you want to do it or not?
Personally I would take it slow and see how it worked out. Maybe you dont feel the same way that you used to about her since this whole thing started. Maybe it will come back.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
W's actions are still the same. We still haven't went back to the A brought up in the text. She sleeps upstairs in the spare bedroom. I don't believe she has spoked to her L about stopping the D. Should I ask her when we can discuss what was in the text?
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
unbidden, Thanks for your input. All her confusion makes me confused. She knows I'm detached from the stich and I will be fine with or without her. I feel like I need some questions answered from her.
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
She is agreeing to work on it. This is the part when she starts to talk about it, that you tell her your concerns without blowing up. Sounds to me like she will take the lead on this and somewhat pursue you. Follow her lead and let it flow as it is going to naturally. Dont push or anything. She knows that you have issues to talk about too. You will probably get many apologies and reassurances from her. Roll with it and see where the train goes.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
W just texted me to have the talk tonight. Going to listen more and talk less. I have so many questions that need to be answered but not ready to push for answers. Have a appt with DB coach on Monday and hopeful I can get some good direction there.
Thanks again for your help!
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
W wanted to talk again this morning but seems so confused. At this point the only reason she is giving for staying is for our S. I know neither of us wants to live like we have been for the past 20 months. I did say to her as long as there is a third person involved we cannot work on our R. Then said I need to get to work, as I was leaving she gave me a hug. Twice in one week! Then she text's me at work. When I start to feel and act like it's over she wants to pull me back in.
We have mediation dates and the trial date is set for December - so the train has defiantly left the station - not knowing if she wants to stop it or just let it roll is so confusing.
My GAL for this weekend: Heading up north camping with a bunch of guys and our sons, should be a great weekend! I do believe my detachment is moving her towards me, so I will just keep doing what's working.
Any other tips from veterans or anyone going through this would be great. Thanks to all for your support!
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
W texted me while up north at father son camp with poor cell service. "Call me before you get home." "I cleaned out your room." I respond what does son know about any of this? Is this the best way for him? W -" We need to tell him." Me - I thought we would tell him before you did this. W - You can tell him I cleaned out your room if you want. I left all your work clothes and sealed the wood floor.
One day she can't do this to our son and three days later she's moving me out. When I got home I asked her what changed and she said it was because I'm not putting all my check in our joint acct and closed the home equity account. I said I had put enough money in the acct to cover all our bills and the home equity line has been frozen and can be used with both of our signature's. I had let her know about this when I said I'm no longer depositing all of my check. When you bought a mannequin that was the when I felt I needed to do something to protect myself and family. (We don't have a clothing store and now the mannequin is set up in our kitchen / family room.) The financial changes were made shortly before she said she couldn't do this to our son. Now she done her own 180.
Thought W would have wanted to spend sometime with son after our trip but she made plans to go see a movie after we got home.
Just when you think the ride might be coming to a stop. I seem to go again.
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
W texted me while up north at father son camp with poor cell service. "Call me before you get home." "I cleaned out your room." I respond what does son know about any of this? Is this the best way for him? W -" We need to tell him." Me - I thought we would tell him before you did this. W - You can tell him I cleaned out your room if you want. I left all your work clothes and sealed the wood floor.
One day she can't do this to our son and three days later she's moving me out. When I got home I asked her what changed and she said it was because I'm not putting all my check in our joint acct and closed the home equity account. I said I had put enough money in the acct to cover all our bills and the home equity line has been frozen and can be used with both of our signature's. I had let her know about this when I said I'm no longer depositing all of my check. When you bought a mannequin that was the when I felt I needed to do something to protect myself and family. (We don't have a clothing store and now the mannequin is set up in our kitchen / family room.) The financial changes were made shortly before she said she couldn't do this to our son. Now she done her own 180.
Thought W would have wanted to spend sometime with son after our trip but she made plans to go see a movie after we got home.
Just when you think the ride might be coming to a stop. I seem to go again.
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
