She did WAW, then I did EA, now I'm DBing...poorly

[Roid76]

If you have to leave the house, or go outside. You don't have to take the verbal stuff, show her you can walk away and compose yourself. I made some of the same mistakes you have made as well. Don't let them get to you, we are all human, and will make mistakes. You are right on the rejection thing, we will always want to take the easy path. I think we need to learn to take the hard path for growth though. The more you can face that fear, the better you will be. I have been having a very hard day today as well, and seeing that there is another in similar stich helps. Keep up the work, and remember to try what you can to get away from the hostility.

[Joe1981]

At that point I couldn't. She was throwing herself against the door. If I'd tried to get past her, she would've blocked me and, being the guy...I'd be stuck. I had to come out and deal w/ her bulls*** after she threatened to file a restraining order on me. WTF!? I still got dressed and after some horrible back and forth, I left the house. Not that she'll leave me alone. Hounding me via text. As usual.

How does a guy deal with this w/out getting himself in legal trouble?

[rayzzz]

She's becoming outright abusive at this point.

Ok well I am hoping you are getting out of her way man! The last thing you want is to get her to push that big shiny red button and get you lashing back. Obviously she is on a hair pin trigger and still sore from the EA... the underlying reason to justify all her rage at you...but I'm not a vet so take this with a grain of salt.

She got mad because I was venting to a friend on Facebook when I was frustrated.

Well who's fault is that? Facebook is like broadcasting with a megaphone to the world. And how did she know? Was she in the room or was the pc just left on? She already distrusts you . The more she sees and has evidence of you venting and finding emotional support in others the MORE you drive her away and justify her not trusting you which is the root of all this: she doesn't trust you right? so cut it out.
Facebook should be rule #38. I just think its a way to spy on your spouse or cause a whole whack of misunderstandings. I avoid it or just put the fluffy stuff in.
Sorry if this sounds tough but I am sure you know better next time how to make sure your healthy venting isn't jeopardizing your dbing.You sound like you have a good handle on how you "dance" together so keep up the good work not buying into her bullying you with her confrontation. These changes will be huge for you and she will notice...she won't trust her eyes since its a brand new you but give it time and don't give up. In your corner man

[Joe1981]

You're right. But I'm so isolated. I need friends. I'm losing hope. Not just in my M, but in my life. In ever being able to be happy. I hate myself. And now I don't even feel safe. But I can't move out because I won't lose my kids.

[labug]

Have you explained the whole situation to your atty?

Where were your kids when all this was going on?

Are you keeping a journal of her actions?

What are your options?

[Joe1981]

The kids were asleep, thankfully. I have a meeting w/ an atty on Wednesday. I don't have a journal of her actions. This is the second violent thing she's done now. She didn't hurt me at all, but it's really hard being the physically stronger person so I know I just have to withstand these attacks. If I did that to her, tried to break into a room when she was barricading herself in, I would have left in handcuffs. I'm debating putting a keyed lock on that door so I can have an actual barrier up that I don't have to sit against. I'm not moving out though. That's what she wants and it won't help me have my custody of the kids.

[labug]

You should be writing all this down.

Please tell your atty everything. Is this a interview type appt or an actual appt?

So how does keeping your kids in a violent home help them? Forget your M for now, it's long dead and gone. Talk to the atty about getting custody now.

You can lose faith in yourself but then who will your kids have?

You can do this.

[Joe1981]

Yeah. I'll have to write this stuff down.

The worst part is, when she couldn't force her way in physically, she threatened to file a restraining order on me...so she forced her way in psychologically.

[HeadUp]

You moving out has absolutely nothing to do with custody of the kids. The court is about seeing what is the best solution for the kids. They aren't going to take your kids away from you ad long as you want to be in their lives. The whole calling the cops never works for the guy is a bunch of bs. My W hit her ex and he called the cops and she went to jail. So you were venting to a friend on FB. Was this just on his wall so she could read it? If it was then you need to come at this a little differently then you have been. You know all I see is how she is this and she is doing that and she is mad. Well you are either provoking it and not telling us the whole story or you need to give you W sometime. You being there is only passing her off more. Reading DB and DR suggests that you do 180s. If you staying there is the same thing that you would do you need to change it. If you want your marriage to work you need to do something different. If you don't then you need to do the same thing as you are doing because what you are doing isn't working.

[Joe1981]

I've been told by two lawyers to not just move out. So unless you're a lawyer in WA, don't tell me otherwise. I'm not looking for table scraps custody. I want 50/50 minimum.
As far as provoking her, I try not to, but I'm human and make mistakes. When I do, she goes off, guns blazing. I need to get more actual friends.