Been married 12 years, have 2 children aged 11 and 8. Over the last few months my wife has been very upset and emotionally pulling away from me. She has now asked for a separation and wants me to move out of the house and she will keep the kids. I am shocked it came to this after all we have been through. Says she needs her space and doesn't want me anymore and is very resentful. So now I am destined to become a part time single dad and have to start over in life. Not happy with this at all.I see it is quite common.
Sorry that you find your self here! This is the place to be!
START OUT BY READING SANDI2'S 37 RULES AND FOLLOW THESE!!! You find them at page one in newcomers.
Fill us in on your background. Have you read DB? Why do you think your W wants you to leave (and by the way - do NOT move out!!! - she wants out - she moves!)
You are on moderations and therefore your posts will show up after some days when a moderator has approved it! Keep on journaling anyway and do read through other threads.
All the best!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
I have just separated Rion and yes two weeks into it is a hell I never want to wish on anyone. Having said this it is a perfect opportunity for me to DB "go dark" and have cut off as much contact as possible sans the new hated kid swapping times. Ugh. We all know that pain that really is worse than death but you walk thru this and you become better for yourself and for her...
The gift of separation is you give her that space, respecting her (this speaks to her whether she admits it or not) and she gets a chance to miss you ...and she surely will as a single mom in more ways than just kids. The NC means I initiate nothing and so she feels it from being best friend wife to "just a neighbour" I am cheerful but cordial with.
Read the 37 rules read DB & DR, find your support here almost exclusively...friends and family just aren't the best at "advice and comfort" at this point. GAL and find stuff to make you happy and use this time to work on yourself so that when she does see you she sees what a better man you have become....be the man only a fool would leave is often quoted here.Quote from my WAW: "Why are you so upbeat and happy all the time? What has gotten into you doing Qigong? Ultimate frisbee?" the new confidence I have is impacting her and my GALs....you just do the 4Cs instead of begging and whining and crying...it does work like magic.
Above all my biggest separation lesson? keep busy! The gym is my new best friend. My goto place when the loneliness kills me. My spiritual mom said " a broken heart will heal faster if you are looking after yourself physically" so work out your grief any way you can. being alone in the house [censored]! so fill your time with new experiences to better you and give life to your PMA. People here have made it back to M....not easily and its still work but they are back in their M. Find their threads and learn from the vets here...Sandi2 comes to mind. And above all its so early in the game for you and me...do not lose hope...fight, battle and win back your beauty. Rooting for you
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Sorry you are on here. I'm in the same boat as you. My H wants a separation and I don't. It's been a couple weeks and it's really hurting but I am trying to keep busy. I wish you all the best. Keep us posted of your journey.
amacin T - 12 years M - 8 years S 7 D 3 DB - 07-10-14 WAS \ ILYBNILWY \ MLC
I'm sorry you're going through this, Rion. I am in the same boat; my H moved out a month ago because he needs space. It is difficult but I have been amazed by my own strength and patience during this process. I'll be rooting for you!
I agree with Fartiltre that you should NOT move out, at least not before you talk to an attorney. There could be adverse consequences to moving out in the event of D, so you want to know what you're getting into.
Rion, as with elsa and Rayzzz I am in the same situation as you. It rips your heart outand is horrible. Don't leave the house, she wants out she should be the one to leave. You have the opportunity now to be the husband that every wife would never want to leave. Make it your goal to speak and act in a way that she will second guess her decision to leave. Always be upbeat and cheerful, even if you don't feel it!
M 43 W 43 D 6 D2 B-dropped 7/2014 W rented apartment 8/4/2014
