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#2465174 07/01/14 07:30 PM
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Hi Everyone - it's been a while, but my sitch is pretty much the same. W mentioned D March '014, but we ended up in counseling (Gottman-style), though she's really just "phoning" it in, not doing much on her own, actively, but attending sessions.

We just got back from a 2-week vacation, my whole family in Hawaii, which was nice. But R didn't really improve, we are in "no sex" mode and that didn't change. My parents paid for most (almost all) of the whole trip.

For this weekend, for the last 4-5 years we've done and stayed at one of her best friend's house, about 3 hours away, 4 families, kids, etc., all staying there. Everyone gets along, guys hang out, the women (all friends since high school) hang out, kids swim, etc.

The other day, after asking repeatedly about the logistics for the coming 4th, and she not giving any real answers, I asked "do you want me to be there?". She said that she preferred I not be. Wow. That hurt. I'm gonna be alone, and away from my kids and family and friends on the 4th??!! Maybe I played it wrong (havent actively DB'd in a while, as we are in C and she did find him). She I kinda left it at that, no raised voices, but I left for work obviously upset.

I thought about this at work and came up with, NO, I'm not going to let her dictate my life like that, these are my kids, and what kind of a person would put her H in a situation to not be with family on the holiday? (no other family around for 600 miles). So I came home from work and told her "I'm going, and that's that". To which she replied "so why did you ask my opinion?". She said "you won't be alone", and I said "did you book another plan for me?!".

I think it just shows ZERO regard for me; I thought we were making progress. As to why I decided to put my foot down and go - I've been reading a bit about "being the strong man", making decisions, even if unpopular at times. I think that has real merit, and isn't necessarily opposed to DB.

What do you think?

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Quote:
I think it just shows ZERO regard for me; I thought we were making progress. As to why I decided to put my foot down and go - I've been reading a bit about "being the strong man", making decisions, even if unpopular at times. I think that has real merit, and isn't necessarily opposed to DB.

What do you think?


I agree.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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I do agree with being a strong man is attractive. This caught my attention
Quote:
"so why did you ask my opinion?"


Admittedly I am not familiar with your situation, however, I know this feeling. Is this something that was a problem in your M? I know for me, when someone asks my opinion and then totally disregards it, it is very frustrating.

Don't get me wrong, I am not by any means saying you shouldn't go, just wondering if there was another way to handle it.


Me-44 (45)
H- 50 (51)
M-'96

S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)

BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas)
home Oct(sep rooms)
(EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed)
insists wants D through July 2015
no more talk of D since
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thanks everyone. I'm really struggling with this. After months 3 months of MC, this is a gut punch.

Please keep your thoughts coming, it means a lot.

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I think you should go. Your wife needs to respect you before she'll ever come back to the M.

Think back to how you were when your wife first fell in love with you. What is different about you then vs. now?

What things can you do to become the guy she fell in love with?


Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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