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BRNR Offline OP
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Thanks job. What's bothering more than anything is that I feel like I need to ask him (or someone he is close to) if he is okay. And I can't shake that feeling...I know it is not right to ask, but I'm wrestling with the idea.


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
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BRNR Offline OP
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So just an update -

I did nothing about my feelings regarding my dream and went through the longings trying to understand why I felt the way I did. Fortunately, life got really busy and I forgot it ever happened...until I just caught up on my own post. LOL

Well, STB-Ex has been reasonable and slightly communicative since his break up from OW. No name calling, no arguing, and no demeaning. Just text here and there regarding the kids, which he seems to be re-building his relationship with. He has also (twice now) been open to taking care of/visiting with the kids not on his parenting time. Some other good things like him paying support instead of avoiding it and he just contacted me a week ago regarding the kids being added to his health insurance.

This has been an easy three months for me...PEACE! I really do hope that things can continue on like this, but I have no expectations.

I am finalizing my "ducks" for the divorce...MESP hearing is set for April. I am hoping that will be the day.

Everything feels bitter sweet right now. Happy/Sad for the End. I can honestly say that I do love my Ex, but I could never be with him again. I hope that our divorce brings about peace for him too. I hope he finds his way in his life. And I hope that one day we can be in each others lives as two people who knew each other a long time ago...friends.

So that's about it for the update, life has been going on...I've been busy with my job, my friends, my family, and...dating.

Life is good, other than this dreaded white stuff (snow0 that keeps falling by the truck loads in our area. I can't wait for SPRING!!!!


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
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I hope and pray that things will continue on in a peaceful manner for you and your children. I do know how you feel about everything feeling bitter sweet right now. It's sad to think about what they threw away in their quest for that "illusive" happiness. So, sad.

I'm glad to see that you are keeping busy and yes, spring is right around the corner! I think Mother Nature is ready for spring to come too!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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BRNR Offline OP
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Hi all! I know it has been a long time for me and honestly I am just here to vent, but more than welcome any comments.

My divorce was finalized a few weeks ago! What I thought would finally put me into the next chapter in my life has been not going so well...allow me to explain

MLC antics had subsided for the most part, but reared it's ugly head on the day of our divorce, even in the court room. Since then, i have been verbally assaulted twice, my kids have been turned against me, and the last and final straw that has me SOOOOO angry...my EX H keyed my car.

I've had enough...I'm pressing charges for the damage to my vehicle and have received a temporary restraining order. I guess I am sooo mad because I don't believe either of these is going to bring about justice and I feel he is going to get away with yet again another stab at me.

I am sick and tired of living in this nightmare. I'm angry because of how I have been mistreated. I am angry because I deserve soooo much more than this.

Did I mention I'm angry today! Why did things have to go this far. I know we all make our own choices, but I feel I was pushed into mine for the past 2.5 years.

I know I will get through this some how, I'm just feeling down right angry right now!


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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I'm so sorry to hear that things are still quite stressful for you. No, the divorce won't be the end of it for quite some time, if ever. You have children together and no matter what you do, you will still have some connection because of graduations, marriages, grandchildren etc.

If your xh is anything like my xh, it will take 2-3 years, if then, for him to settle down and his focus will be on the ow or on something else. He's angry because nothing is turning out the way he thought it would. He's angry because you are going on w/your life and he no longer has control over you.

You've pressed charges against him for the damage to your car. Are sure he did it? He may have manipulated one of the kids to do it for him as a way of getting back at you. Now, about the restraining order...it's only a piece of paper and it may push him to go to another level of being nasty. Sometimes when we file for one, it just stirs the pot even more. Since he's acting like a bull in a china closet, you will need to watch your back. I'm not trying to scare you, but point out just how angry these crisis people can get and when they can't get their way, they can do some pretty nasty stuff.

As for the children, I'm so sorry to read that they've turned against you...but in time, that may change. All you can do is let them go and figure things out for themselves. I do hope and pray that they will see the light and come to realize that you were there for them and that their father is the one that went off the rails.

BRNR, it's okay to be angry, let it out. Do what you need to do to protect yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back because you've been a lady showing dignity and grace throughout all of this and he's still looking like an @sshole after all of this time.

Again, I am so sorry to read what he's done. Please, please take care of yourself and be careful when dealing w/him.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I assumed he's turned the kids on you by blaming the divorce on you, or by claiming you won too much money in the divorce?

It's not unusual for the kids to blame the more competent parent - after all, why couldn't you "fix it" like you do everything else? Even though my kids knew my ex cheated on me, and HE was the one that wanted the divorce, I think my middle child blamed me for a long time, for not keeping her dad "happy".

Now that they're older, and they've all had more time to see their dad's true colors, they all realize that nothing I did could have prevented the divorce, and they know know who has their back in a crisis (mom) smile

As for the restraining order - I think you were wise to get it, to show him you mean business. BUT - in a truly abusive situation, it does NOT protect you from physical harm. IF the police arrive before he can harm you, it ensures that they will cart him off for violating the order. But many many women have been killed by abusive partners while clutching their restraining orders in their hands and waiting for the police to arrive. See it for what it is - a tool - but DON'T rely on it to save you if you feel unsafe.

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Job is always so level headed and cool. BRNR please heed the advice and be careful. Sending you my support as you deal with things right now.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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BRNR Offline OP
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Thanks ladies for reading and commenting on the update...

I agree with all of you that the restraining order is not going to be my saving grace. KML, you are spot on why I went for it...
Quote:
As for the restraining order - I think you were wise to get it, to show him you mean business.
For sooo long I have allowed this crap to go on, in front of our children and at my home that I could no longer passively sit back and deal. Maybe he will get the message, maybe not.

Again KML....BINGO!!!!
Quote:
I assumed he's turned the kids on you by blaming the divorce on you, or by claiming you won too much money in the divorce?
He doesn't realize that he went into very substantial arrears by avoiding for over a year and half. I struggled...I even had to borrow money from friends, had people feed me and my kids because I couldn't afford food. Now he wants to cry woe is me "I have no money" and threaten to take the kids away I am assuming to get out of his financial obligations.

I know this will never end because we do have kids together, but I had hoped we could have avoided all this drama. On another note, I am not angry anymore...these things are just becoming more loose ends that need to be tied up nowadays.


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
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Stay the course. Hopefully once all of the loose ends are tied up over the keyed car and the verbal abuse in front of your kids, things will settle down.

Your kids will eventually see him for what he is. It all takes time and you know what? At the end of the day, they will come to understand who was there for them. You are the one that stayed and fought the battle to try to save your marriage and you certainly weren't the one that ran away and tried to avoid your responsibilities. Right now, he's playing the victim role, but soon...it will get old.

Please take care of yourself. Watch your back and hopefully all of this will die down soon. Again, I am so sorry that this is still going on. Hopefully, he'll go away and stay away for a long time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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BRNR Offline OP
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Hello all! I've been quiet for a while, living my life and enjoying what I have been blessed with, but the drama....it never ends...

MY Ex MLC'er (who may not be in MLC, and just a certifiable psychopath) has decided to fight for custody of my kids. Full legal and physical custody, with no visitation. The alienation he has done over the years has finally stuck with my boys and they want nothing to do with me. I haven't talked to my boys for about a month, and I have decided to get off this roller coaster of CHAOS, and let my ex have residential custody of the children.

It's a sad day, and I am heartbroken, but I have nothing left in me to continue to fight. I am hoping that once he has our boys, that he grows up and becomes the man my boys need. I am also hopeful that I can finally "cut the ties that bind" and will not have to endure anymore crappola.


BombOctober 2012-
OW 11/28/12 -H still denies
Separated 11/29/12
Own place 12/12/12
Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13
Oct 2013 - I knew I was done
Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
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