Continuing my DB'ing journey...

[claire7]

Right. .because 18 year olds have such insight into mature relationships! Eesh.

[Georgiabelle]

Right, Claire. As a friend says, my h has sought the very sage advice of a group of never married, no kids group of 20 somethings. Those folks know how marriage and parenthood works:-)

[T384]

Right. .because 18 year olds have such insight into mature relationships! Eesh.

Ya because she has so much life experience. And her being a product of divorce is great that she can tell my husband how great divorce is for young children. Clearly she turned out great!

GB - I guess they need to hang out with people that make them feel young and free. And based on their actions the only people that are going to not think twice about what they are really doing is someone that has not had a marriage/children. At least that's what I thknk

[woundedfool]

Your going to need to keep reading, and re-reading til it sinks in:

Have you had us say here: "believe 1/2 of what you SEE and NONE of what you hear".

You seem to believe 100% of the pics/texts you SEE

Wounded - you know me! Always mind reading.

I received some screen shots from a friend of H's of texts h sent him back in February talking about the teenager. 'She is so supportive of me and I can't wait for you to meet her you'd really like her she's been there for me and understands what I'm going through because she has been through a divorce with her parents. She has my best interest. She said that W clearly makes me unhappy and that I shouldn't settle for a M like that.'

My point was, while a picture/text can be worth a thousand words..... you have no idea what those thousand words are.

While I am mind reading now (because I can from the sidelines ).... You think the pics/texts mean the friends think:

• Oh, what a happy couple
• They look great together
• Glad they found each other
• He is much happier now

I contend, they are more likely to say:

• ewwwww...
• Oh god, I can't believe they actually showed up
• She's nice and all, but do you know she just graduated?
• I guess he is living on her parents couch
  
  You need to work on that as a believing half/none a whole lot more.

[sweetbabyred]

Trust me, if he does spend time with any of the friends he had before BD, they are just as confused as you about why he'd want to date someone that young. Most likely he's made a whole new set of young friends who are happy to have someone who can buy alcohol for them.

And these new friends are probably not working at real jobs, going to college to improve their future, or doing anything future oriented. It's all about having fun now which appeals to him.

A normal 18yo would not be interested in dating a grown man who has a wife and kids. Even if he was divorced, they would know they're not ready to be a stepmom to an instant family.

None of them are thinking about anything but having fun in the moment. And that can never last forever. Eventually reality will set in.

[T384]

Most everyone is just speechless .. They just don't know/have anything to say.

Not much to update. Haven't heard from H in days. This is probably the longest he's gone without texting me. I feel like he is further and further away from me and really liking his life without me in it. But I know that is just my assumption. At least the last time we did talk was me sending him a text saying 'I really appreciate you helping with the car payment this month.' I got a you're welcome and nothing since.

I have my DB coach appt on Monday. It is supposed to rain here again this weekend so looks like the boys and I will have to find something to do indoors

H asked last week if the boys wanted to go to a BMX race tonight I told him we had plans but id ask the boys if they'd rather do that and I told him my oldest said he wasn't sure and he'd think about it. Well they don't want to go. I am going to get my oldest into some type of counseling. When H came over 2 nights ago my oldest wouldn't even go see him he stayed in my bedroom. He wouldn't go on a bike ride with H and S3. I feel sad for him - but I can't make him have a relationship with his dad just like I can't make H be a better father. He believes this is better for the kids and I can't change that.

[T384]

Can't seem to find the preparation for coaching thread. Tried searching but couldn't find anything beyond what to expect from coaching. Any help?

Nothing much to update. Was told a few friends saw H and teenager out on a date. It stings. Especially since he's become even more silent than he was since I found out about them. He's not even sending the every couple day text checking on the boys. Oh well I guess is all I can say about that.

I don't know how and if you even DB when there is OW especially when H is not interested in cutting things off with her.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend

[Georgiabelle]

TO,

Sure you can DB with OW. You are doing it for yourself. The OW is band aid on a gaping bullet hole. Honesty, the R with OW has to run its course.

Hope you found something fun to do inside.

[T384]

GB - you're right it just [censored] in the mean time

The weather actually held out great. I took the boys to universal yesterday and today we are out in the pool.

So my friend showed my picture to one of her husbands boss. He is a little older than me and going through a nasty divorce. He wants to meet. I'm wishy washy on this. I want to save my marriage but after hearing that H is taking his relationship public it makes me want to enjoy an evening out with someone (although I wish it were H). I just don't know what's right and I don't want it to come across as tit for tat.

I have no interest in a relationship or anything beyond making a friend and I made sure to make that clear to my friend. Any thoughts?

[Georgiabelle]

This is just my opinion.... I'm no where near ready to date and I wouldn't while still married. I'm not trying to be the moral barometer but that's just me. I also feel you have plenty of time to "date"

What do you hope to achieve by meeting this man? Is it to feel attractive and desired? I'm sure you are. Is this what you really want to do right now? Personally, I think it's a bad idea at this time. Others may disagree, however I feel like even if my kids don't know who I'm with, I would be setting a bad example dating and married. For me, it's an integrity thing.