So 2014 hasn't been much of a stellar year so far for me. In no particular order:
1. My long time (almost 8 years) tenant moved out of my rental house in Florida and as a result the rental stood empty for more than 4 months.
2. I lost my dad to kidney cancer.
3. Found out my daughter was the victim of a sexual predator.
4. Was diagnosed with 2 areas of skin cancer.
However during the last few days while I was recovering from the surgery which dug cancer from my head, instead of thinking about the un-pleasantries of 2014, I instead spent some time thinking about my journey and transformation over the last 6 years. I realized that the best thing that had happened to me is that I had finally broke on through to the other side and that's something that I feel very blessed and thankful for and also very proud of as well. For all of us LBSs, I think it takes a good deal of courage and fortitude to get up after we've had the crap kicked out of us and the lives we were trying to faithfully build torn down by the person we were trying to build it with.
Six years ago:
1. I was mired in trying to save a marriage that really only existed in my mind and a piece of paper.
2. I had a spouse who had no intention of staying put in the relationship.
3. I was in a financial panic because I had sacrificed my career over the last 14 years to follow my military spouse and as a result had pigeon-holed myself into a job that at it's then salary would not pay my bills once the marital finances were untethered.
4. I was looking down the barrel at AARP status thinking that if I was forced into the world of dating who in their right mind would ever want to hook up with a twice divorced 50+ year old guy.
Admittedly, sometimes the journey is a lot longer than we think it's going to be and when we are in the middle of the storm it's damn near impossible to realize that these things will pass and life will get better. In fact if someone had told me it was going to take almost 6 years to break on through to the other side I probably would have freaked out and gave up, but as I look back it doesn't actually seem that long and in a way everything that I went through was an important step along the way in building my life into what it is today.
Today I'm glad (and proud) to say that I'm my own person. I don't walk on eggshells around anyone anymore. I'm not stuck trying to make people happy who will never be happy. That is more freeing than I could ever have imagined it could be.
Today I am on solid financial ground. I took the initiative and the effort to get back out on the job search circuit and land a great job that pays the bills and then some. I have a solid financial plan in place. A plan that has given me home ownership with equity; will allow me to retire in 7 years without relying on someone else's stability or money; and provides me the freedom to enjoy life a little without worrying.
Last and certainly not least, today this 50+ AARP twice divorced guy has someone very special in his life. She is smart, funny, attractive and best of all she really cares for me. There are no red flags with her - her motives are pure and genuine.
So yes in some respects 2014 has really sucked - but in the bigger picture I have broken on through to the other side and let me tell you the other side is looking mighty fine.
BA-Great update! And good song choice as well. Hopefully, you're not personally summoning your own Jim Morrison...
Glad to hear that you're at least scheduled for mending. I'll comment more later. Probably tomorrow. I'm in the middle of a hornet's nest and both my cars are in the shop. So I'm hoping to get the hell out of here soon!
Take care- Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I truly won't go so far as to say this year svcks. I think much of it has been difficult, but I don't think it stinks. 2011 and 2012 will undoubtedly go down in my history books as "worst years EVER". So I have them to use as a comparison. And oddly enough, I'm still surprised that they were more awful than 2003 and 2004, when I was knee deep in my marital crisis!
I have my first counseling intake session (where they decide how f*cked up I am to refer me) next week. I'm finishing up my last transition class for D17's transition that night. So I figure I'll be ready to get started emoting with someone and figuring out what I've been stuffing myself. Ugh. What an awful thought, but it will be a relief to get it all out.
Keep on keepin' on!
Hugs-Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Isn't it strange that emotion is looked on so negatively. I guess because it will supposedly "cloud" our rational thinking process and therefore impede taking appropriate action...I dunno. Weird stuff. I remember last year when there was that huge storm in the Philippines. I discovered weeks later that SDA Lady's home city had been one of the hardest hit and was devastated. I was overwhelmed with emotion! The thought that she may not know whether her family is alive or dead, especially her daughter, just floored me. I contacted her and found that all was well, which was a relief. I told my Mom about this and she told me "you're problem is that you're just too emotional about such things" Thanks Mom!
Hope the car repairs weren't too significant and you've got your wheels back!
While this year hasn't been stellar, I too have had worse years and survived so it's all good especially when I keep sight of the big picture and look at the good versus the bad. My worst year ever was 1990 and if I could survive all the crap that happened that year then seriously I can survive anything - makes 2014 look like a piece of cake.
I hope you find a good fit for a counselor and that D17's transition ends up easier than expected. Speaking of transitions, I realized yesterday that in just 2 short months my D17 heads off to college at VCU. It will be a really strange thing not having her around as much and just the thought that she is almost a full fledged adult is hard to comprehend.
Cars are in working order and the cash hemorrhage seems to have ceased. (Fingers crossed.) It's funny that we all have those icky years to remember. BTW, 1990 was a good one for me - I got married, we went on a wonderful honeymoon and then moved to Colorado. But 2012? Awful. Hideous. The worst kind of svck I've ever experienced. Getting shingles for my 50th birthday (all the way to D20's graduation and beyond) seems to encapsulate the whole year perfectly.
My first intake appointment for IC is tomorrow morning. I'm a little nervous. I hope I'm not the complete ditz that might come out. This appointment is about finding where I am, and then placing me with the right counselor for me. My fingers are crossed.
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Speaking of transitions, I realized yesterday that in just 2 short months my D17 heads off to college at VCU. It will be a really strange thing not having her around as much and just the thought that she is almost a full fledged adult is hard to comprehend.
Although I know you've done with before with your older kids, I do understand completely! It was also the icing on my 2012 cake too. Fortunately, Richmond is a short and beautiful ride home! Booking down 95 in the fall is one of my really happy memories (not in rush hour, though!).
And something tells me that your D15 is going to benefit greatly from having you all to herself. She's had a rough year, and just maybe this is what the doctor has ordered up for her. I bet she's apprehensive and excited at the same time.
My D20 has decided not to head to Australia for spring semester next year after all. I was really surprised, but her decisions were sound ones so I told her that I thought she was being reasonable. She then told me, "Then after I graduate, I'll head over and spend time with the family for a couple months like you did and enjoy every minute." I smiled and told her it was one of my most fond memories, and that she would love doing that too. (And then it's on her dime!!!)
BA, this must be the year of loss for lots of folks. My D20's BF just lost his dog and his grandmother in a 2 week span. I'm going to use what I learn about grieving to pass along to these 2. It has to be the gift that keeps giving, you know?
Other than that, I'm plugging along. The house hasn't sold yet, so we're dropping the price significantly today. We'll see. I'm kind of tired of going over to check on things - while it really isn't that big of a deal in the big picture, the small picture shows me that it's preventing me from keeping my focus on my household and my stuff. And for that reason alone, I'm motivated to get that house sold pronto. Our agent is awesome - we had a long chat last night and he wound up saying, "Betsey, you are one of the very few sellers that I can talk this way to, and I appreciate it." He's a great guy. Plus the added bonus is that he was a MLB player for quite awhile and is just so fun to talk to. When we start using baseball metaphor for everything, we crack ourselves up.
What are you doing for Father's Day? I have to get my dad a card today and get that thing sent off! I invited Mr. Wonderful over for dinner, and he accepted. So now D20 and I will plan a menu that pleases everyone.
TTFN,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
