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It's been a few months since I have last posted or really read here on the forum.

Just wanted to catch you all up and provide some encouragement to those seeking resolution in their M's.

My H and I are TOTALLY reconciled!

Christmas of last year, H took me out to an expensive dinner and gave me a sincere and heartfelt deep apology for all the grief and trouble he put me through!

We are very close, yet have each changed in our own ways. We are growing individually and together. We are learning to appreciate and accept each other's differences.

I remember reading a long time ago here on the forum a poster who said that he thought that M repair took 1 month for every year married. That has been about accurate for our M.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My H plans things with his guy buddies occasionally. I have attended quite a few social gatherings with his new friends (men and lots of single girls) he acquired during MLC. I have not been welcomed with as much enthusiasm as I would wish, but I have learned to ignore the coldness I receive at times, and just try to enjoy this part of my H....a part of his life he has let me into.

A telling time for me was when we celebrated our 16th anniversary this month and attended a cookout with about 20 people -- some from H's drinking group and some new people. H brought a cake that said "happy anniversary to H and rH" and when we ate our pieces he fed me and I fed him....with people watching, gasp! smile Also, he then took me to a beautiful restaurant later in the evening. We had such a fine time!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We plan our weekends together; we plan our future together. I receive the most gorgeous cards from him at special occasions! No conversation topic is off limits. We hug and cling to one another every night. My H says he is "in-love" with me now. Much of our R is solid friendship, tho, I would say. Our mutual past history is a joy to have as part of who we are. We don't share passwords on electronic devices but I have every password for every financial account and we don't hide our phones or computer usage from one another.

I have been a licensed realtor now for three months (a brand new job borne out of the MLC time--b/c I thought I would have to go back to work after being a SAHM). I have an appointment for my first listed house today and the woman listing it also provided me with a buyer -- so things are looking up.

I am making a few friends of my own at work and at a health club where I attend classes with other women my age. It has felt so good to start working on me again instead of working so hard and worrying so much about getting my M back!

Our family life has definitely changed, but is solid. H and our boys (ages 14 and 20) spent two evenings ago trying to outdo each other in how many push-ups they could do! There was fun and laughter all around!

There has been a huge loss of trust from our boys in H, but as the months roll by, and my H continues to show himself trustworthy, I see some trust creeping back from them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My H constantly is looking for new entertainment events to take me to. He seems happy and satisfied with hobbies at home. He no longer is antsy on a day off at home. He revels in taking up large projects on our homestead.

We are much more honest with one another in feelings. We have been working for 17 months on our M and b/c we have been together a while...it is easy to let things slide. It's so important to keep the idea of growth...me growing, him growing...and careful attending to the M as if it were a valuable plant...or expensive artwork...or a valued hobby. Money, time, and thought are all investments we have to continually make to keep this M strong!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I would say this whole journey has been incredible....and well worth it! I have a wonderful M. I like who I am and who I am becoming. There are some things about H that are forever changed. I am learning to accept and appreciate this new him. He has grown in every area of his life, as I have as well.

Courage, my friends here on the forum! For those of you who aren't done yet, it has been well worth my time invested in my M.

And my forever thanks to those who helped me through here....you know who you are...those of you who held my hand during the dark, dark days!


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
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rH!
My goodness! What a pleasant surprise!

I'm very, very happy to read your posting and that life and your marriage are going great! You worked very hard, just as your h did to get to this point. Your new marriage is and will continue to grow and be better...just remember...don't fall back into the old ways! LOL!

How are your sons doing these days?

Congratulations on getting your license! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the deal will go thru for you today. I know you will "wow" them and sell the home w/little or not effort.

rH, you've come a long way and you deserve every bit of happiness that life has to offer. Your h came to his senses and realized that you were the prize and he would never find anyone else that could match your wonderful qualities. I'm very proud of you!

It's always nice to know that there are some "happily ever after" situations that come out of the MLC dust/ashes.

Please don't be a stranger...come back to post more often. We miss you!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Very nice to hear, rH!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thank you for posting, I had read your entire sitch just a week or so ago from awhile ago and wondered what happened to you!! So nice to hear an update - I'm glad things are moving forward for you - it is encouraging to a lot of us!!


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
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I am so happy for you. I am fairly new to this adventure, so I look forward to reading your posts and to see how you handled different situations. It is so helpful, gives me such a push to read success stories. It gives me hope that with continued patience and honor to my H and my M, that we can pull through this and be stronger than ever.

I wish the best for your family!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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hey hi-

soo nice to hear from you again- and i am soooo happy you're doing so well . it was a magical letter - full of things we only dream about out here. (dare we even hope?) idk

anyway- wow, your time frame of working on it for a month for every year- that would mean 38 months of work. i would kill for one conversation of just plain old unvarnished honest talk- no turning it all into a joke. it's soooo far from a joke to me. you do have it all now-

i can't imagine reaching a place like you are in- yet i'm still here plugging away. it's sure nice to hear a success story-

i'm very happy for you.

xxoo .

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Thank you so much to all who posted in reply: nero, mleigh4, TL72*, AJM and job!!!

I wanted to post a little update.

I did have my first real estate closing last month in my new career! I was thrilled to get a paycheck finally, and I have two listings, one under contract already. I am getting so many leads I had to give some away--as I want to properly service the ones I have and I am still learning, learning, learning!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My H and I and our two sons (ages 14 and 20) just got back yesterday from a roadtrip to the Grand Canyon. It was marvelous. The boys and we agreed it was probably our best vacation ever.

We had some in-depth talks on the way there about serious social or personal issues. My H is now approaching life with the wisdom of the experienced. He no longer has a "me first" mentality. He even said to the boys his life is "half over" at 47. I was thrilled to hear this as he told me he is eligible to retire in 10 years but doesn't want to look at it as retiring. He merely wants to start a new career and is going to think and plan what that will be. He is full of life and passion! These are the things he felt he was missing.

He treated me like a queen every step of the way during this vacation. He is normal, balanced and happy. He doesn't have the paranoia about the cellphone or his conversations or his life. He doesn't look like he is "on the prowl". He is a man of peace and wisdom.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I reflected privately on our past years as we were traveling.

I believe my H was a textbook MLC from start to finish. He had some childhood issues. He had a death in his family of origin around the time he turned 40. He went through years of depression and turmoil. He dove into serious replay with all the trimmings. He moved out, desired and explored women. He drove the D train to almost the very end and stopped one week short of D and "delayed" it. He went through emotional anguish and turmoil. He withdrew. He took about a year and a half to properly ground himself after deciding not to D and then his MLC ended. He now is a model husband, father, provider, lover and at peace with who he is and his life.

He and I do sometimes run into a snag...usually to do with my fears that came out of the MLC experience. We talk through and work through each one.
My H even admitted for the first time, during vacation, he wishes he hadn't posted some of the hurtful things he did publicly on FaceBook.

Be encouraged, my friends, some spouses do make the full journey and come out better than you could imagine!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This morning he and I had a couple of hours alone without our boys. I made him a meal like we used to make our first year together. It was baked brie with French bread, grapes and other fruit and smoked salmon.

I lit a candle for the two of us and set our table with tablecloth and cloth napkins. I smiled at my H and told him he has only gotten more handsome through the years! He said he felt I have also gotten more attractive to him through the years.

We recounted the moments of our "first time together". We both remember it with astounding clarity.

I can say I am totally in love with him and can only look forward to a bright future together!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

job, our boys are doing very well. The older one is about to start his 3rd year in engineering school, still living at home, still on full academic scholarship. One of his hobbies is "sword fighting" once a week with friends on campus.

The younger one is about to start his first year at high school in a private Christian high school. He will be doing cross country competition this fall.

They both have relaxed back into the normal, happy family life. Issues come up and we deal with them. But MLC is past history.


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,107
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rH,
I'm so glad to come here and see that you've posted an update. The trip to the Grand Canyon is one of my favorites and I'm sure you and your family had a wonderful time. Did you do the ride down into the Canyon and camp out down there? Mother Nature sure had a way w/her paint brush when she did the Canyon.

I'm glad to see that you are doing well w/the real estate career. It took you a while to get to where you are now, but you are doing great and the more property you sell, the more money will go into the bank for you and your family.

Yes, you'll hit some snaps along the way, but if you and your h can continue to have open communication, you will be just fine. It takes time to get over some of the hurdles, but you are definitely at the finish line.

I'm very proud of you and your family. Your sons are growing up and it won't be long before they'll be out on their own. Gosh, I can't believe the youngest is going to be a freshman this year and your older son is a third year student in engineering school. Where did the time go? LOL!

Again, I'm very proud of the way you've handled your situation. Here's to a new life and many more happy adventures along the way.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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THANKS for sharing...

Right now I need to read about success stories, need to know that some M are restored. I need hope right now.

Thank you and congrats


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Dear rH,

So glad you posted an update. What a long, strange trip it's been smile

I remember very clearly when your h was attempting to go through the D process. You were heartbroken. Yet, even in the darkest of days, you had hope. It may have only have been a tiny glimmer, but it was there.

Look where you are at now smile

You are a true inspiration rH, and I am honored to have walked this journey with you. You have continually handled yourself with such dignity, compassion, kindness, and grace. You show such love for your H and family.

I am so very happy for you my friend.


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
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