It's my sons birthday at weekend so we have lots planned & will be together quite a bit, time to put my DB skills into action & show him what an AWESOME woman he's walking away from haha!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
"I was just thinking how much of a good mum you are. I'm looking forward to weekend. H x"
It made me cry in the middle of ASDA lol he's in there somewhere I'm sure of it! He also said last night "I can see light at the end of the tunnel" which made me LOL, the irony!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Well I've had a REALLY tough few days, been all over the place & lots of emotions have been brought up for me. I'm back in contact with H & it's been tough after being NC but I know I need to learn how to interact & communicate better so it's better if we have a low amount of contact.
He's ended things with OW as apparantly she's "too needy" and "wants more than he can give", he's apparantly disgusted at himself & regrets it deeply. A couple of days ago at work he was showing me some figures on his phone on a banking app & a notification for a dating site came up, awkward!!! That threw up some feelings & made me feel pretty crappy but not a lot I can do about it, I understand that he's exploring & in his mind he's a single man
I'm seriously questioning my "stand" at the moment, I don't want to put my life on hold for years whilst he figures his crap out, I want to be in a fulfilling & happy relationship and not married to a man who doesn't want to be my husband... I'm very confused, everyone around me is telling be to move on & go on some dates which a big part of me thinking 'why not' then another part wants my marriage to work but I can't do that alone. I'm only 29, I have my whole life ahead of me, maybe my H was only meant to be in my life until now
My H said he wants us to be together & happy, he knows that he will regret this in time & knows he'll probably come back to me but he feels the path for us as a couple right now is impossible & it's easier to walk away how sad that we both want the same but can't have it!!!
I've done a lot of work on myself during the last 9mths, I have build my confidence & love myself again, I feel much happier & although I have a long way to go I am on the right track. I have worked hard on a lot of my behaviours and fears & want to continue working on those to become a better person.
I felt good at the beginning of the week, now I feel all over - maybe it's hormonal. I woke this morning feeling anxious for the first time in a long time, not sure why as nothing has changed
Sorry for the rambling, typing as I'm thinking!!
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
He's talking to you contacting and being involved with both you and the kids. Mines not, that would be a backwards step for you if he wasn't. While he's only sounding like he's making noises at least there is noises like he thinking about things.
Just do what works or is working.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
They don't feel very positive is it just me & the way i'm thinking?
He's always been in contact and interacted with both me & the kids, recently the contact is a LOT less than it was but I think that's because he's realised that he can do things for himself and doesn't need to lean on me. He is treating me with a lot more respect (most of the time) & noticing a lot about me and how much stronger I am etc, he's got remorse for how he's treated me & what he's done but then also a lot of guilt.
When we were NC that seems to be the time when he making most progress so I want to keep contact down to a minimum as I'm better then too - its my sons birthday this weekend so we'll be together a lot but then after that I'm going to go back to dark.
He's working very hard on himself, he's progressing in a positive direction & i'm very proud of him - I do think that he hasnt "let go" of our marriage and the past though, I think thats a huge part of whats keeping him where he is...
I suppose i'm tired of "standing", i'm tired of being the good little wife who's standing by her H even though he's treated her like dirt & has no interest in our marriage. I KNOW I deserve better than how he's treating me.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
It's their journey, it's on his time. Mine is totally nc, he thinks I will spoil his chance t happyness with ow. I suspect, I will not hear from him while she is on the case. Unless I want to be the gloating post or whipping boy, there is nothing for me. So time needs to pass. Am I frustrated, yeap, can I do anything nope!
What can you do you have already?
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Its sad that they can walk away with no contact after so many years together isn't it, its easier for them that way though as it means they can push their guilt to one side. Although in all honesty I've found I do much better when we've been NC.
I think I need to just leave him to it & live my own life as I already am doing, he needs to do this on his own & I don't want to be in the firing line when he's struggling or things go wrong for him.
I'm torn between living my life as married woman (even though H isnt!) and being faithful or filing for divorce and living my life as a single woman.
Divorce Final: Oct 2014
Your struggles today, develop strength for tomorrow...
Married isn't a death sentence. You can still live as before, single doesn't mean night clubbing or drinking or installing a revolving door on your bedroom. Lol
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Do you have any platonic male friends you can share some GAL activities with?
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
haha!
is it just me & the way i'm thinking?