Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
I'm not linking this to my prior thread because this is a new topic. I have wondered about posting here because technically this is not a MLC issue involving my marriage and XH--but this is the board where I know the most people and I guess in a way it relates because I'm going through a lot of the emotional upset I went through back when XH dropped the bomb and everything went south so fast like it does for all of us.

Basically I can't put off a hysterectomy anymore and I have surgery on April 11th. I've been symptomatic since last summer and my quality of life physically has really gone down considerably. I attributed a lot of the physical pain to what I thought were continued emotional anxieties tied to my divorce and loss of my mate. But the reality is that the physical pain is very real. In a way, I knew this day was coming--I have had problems with my "girly parts" for about 10 years--and I was trying to wait it out till menopause in hopes the problems would go away, or, better yet, wait till I had a significant other again who could help me when I needed to deal with the pre-surgery anxiety and the post-surgery pain and getting back on my feet.

Well I made the decision the other day that I have to face this without a partner. There's no one on the horizon and waiting any longer is only going to further jeopardize my health. I mean I know I'm not "alone"--I have family and friends who will help. But I do FEEL alone emotionally, much like I did back when XH dropped the bomb and I couldn't find another human being in the immediate vicinity who had any understanding of what I was going through, which is why I came here.

I joined an online group for people going through hysterectomy and it has helped to see that many have it worse than me--I'm astounded that there are women who have no one to help at all, and I know I am lucky to have my family and my coworkers are being great about taking my classes so I can miss the last month of the semester, and I'll have no loss of income. So again I know I am lucky.

But that doesnt' change my anxiety level now, and what I'd like to ask is if you guys could send me some prayers and support to help me calm myself down in the next two weeks. I think once I'm knocked out on the table I'll be fine :-) It's just the time right now feels way too much like those first couple of weeks when BD happened and it's more than a bit unsettling to relive those feelings of despair and anxiety. I think the other online group will help, but I have no shared history with the posters there.

I'm bothered that I feel so wrapped up in the "not having a mate" to go through with this. I don't know why I feel like that puts me at a disadvantage--I think that even though I'm a pretty hardcore feminist that I do desire to have a man "take care" of me in bad times. And so maybe what I'm really feeling here is some sense of sadness that the XH isn't here to help.

There is a part of me that thinks I am being forced to face this without a partner because it's a life lesson for me personally. There is no reason I can't do it--but I have to go through it to prove it to myself.

However like I said I am worried about my mental state leading up to it, and I think prayers of support would make me feel less anxious, so I thank you in advance for any you can send.


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,463
Likes: 43
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,463
Likes: 43
Are you having a FULL or partial?

Funny you think you need a mate and those with mates want to get rid of them after this surgery.

I have no real advice but have lived through this with my ex mate.

Sending (((((HUGS)))))

You can do this!


Me-68, D36,S35
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,179
Likes: 50
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,179
Likes: 50
Antonia,
Sending you hugs today. Right now you have a lot of things going through your mind, but in a month or so, you'll be glad you made the decision to have the surgery. You'll be amazed at how much you will feel and not have that pain reminding you each and every time it crops up that something has to be done.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
Antonia, I hear ya it is so hard going through these big life moments without a partner. I think job is totally right in a month you will feel so proud of yourself for taking the next steps forward and taking care of yourself.

Dont forget to treat yourself the next few weeks before the surgery. Take it easy, Get a manicure or massage. Keep posting on these boards. Reach out to the support system you have. Dont try to do it alone.

Big hugs and love


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
It's a full, open surgery, too much going on to have a choice otherwise. It's the longest recovery obviously but safest for my health.

Thanks for the support :-) I'm sure in the end I'll be happy I did it; it's just that now I'm a wreck. My family is helping but being almost too smothering and it's making me have all these flashbacks to when XH left.


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,356
N
NLW Offline
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,356
Antonia,
You've made a big decision and it's for a good reason. You need to be healthy and live life without pain. You have all of your feline girls depending on you too! And they will be your constant support afterwards, as well.

Please remember that it's normal to feel anxiety around surgery. And it's also understandable that you feel extra sad about losing your partner at times like these.
But like so many other women - many of whom still have a 'partner', but get little in the way of emotional support from them - ultimately, we have to get through these things on our own terms.

I know you realise all this - but just wanted to let you know that i understand how you must be feeling.

I am thinking of you, and sending huge waves of support and strength to you.

I know how much love and motivation to keep going that I get from my beautiful dogs, so I'm hoping that you can get just as much from your lovely girls.
Pet them and feel their warmth and love for you... they will always calm you down.

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
Thanks so much for the support and kindness NLW! Ha I'm a little scared one of them is going to jump on me! But I already figured I need a pillow in front of me for awhile so I can be with them. I need to update my signature--I now have 7 feline girls and 1 feline boy. My boy is the littlest of them all and he is just such a joy. He's a bit of a momma's boy, and I have a feeling he'll be a big part of my recovery.

Thanks again NLW!


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 3,132
Antonia

Sending mucho hugs your way and a ton of prayers.

You are one of the strongest women I know. Self sufficient, honest, loving, smart....chit...I remember when you were re-doing the yard and you were out cutting down trees. You are an amazing author and person.

I cannot imagine how scary this must be.

So....I have two pieces of advice...

1) Close your eyes and keep remembering JUST HOW STRONG and AMAZING YOU ARE.

2) Let me know how else I can help. I am up for a road trip...just sayin... smile

You know how to reach me.

((((hugs))))

Oh...btw, love the new hair color!


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,405
Thanks so much Eric! I really appreciate your support! I'm a bit nervous but after the past 2 days when I got hit hard with pain I am 100% sure I'm doing the right thing and I just want this over with so I can get to recovering!


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
Hugs

Prayers with you

Peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard