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Joined: Mar 2014
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No sure how to do this:
Background:
Wife went on a holiday then came back kicks me out of my house saying that because she was happy on holiday I had to leave. With the words she was doing this to make me happy and more self confident. From what I have read seems like a case of WAS.

Side note: How do you answer your kids when they say : Daddy when is my real mummy coming back. ( They are living with her)

Been living seperated now for nearly a year as she is now insisting on a divorce. She refuses any discussion of marriage counselling.

What I have been doing during the seperation:
- found a new appartment ( hoping it would be temporary)
-Working on myself
-Took up a new hobby
-Became a lot closer to my three kids
- started going on day trips with an Expat group in order
to make friends out side of work
- Getting help from psychologist and also dutch social services
as I completely collapsed from being kicked out of my home.
- Talking to parish priest
- Confused as I do not really fully understand what more I need to change. ( tried asking and got a list that changed when ever I got close to making progress towards meeting the criteria)

The Problem:
Read Divorce busting and probably everything on the web.
Been trying to 180 but not sure if I am.
All help in the netherlands seems to be geared to divorce
being the only option.(Including the parish priest who suggested give
her an ultimatium and then go to mediation to divorce)
There is no support that I have been able to find here towards rebuilding marriages.
All the advice I am hearing and I am pretty sure my wife is being given the same is that
divorce is the only option for my wife.

The Question: Anybody know of a DBer in the Netherlands I can talk to please?
Thanks

Joined: Apr 2006
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Hi, I am sorry for the tough time you are having. You are able to talk to a DB coach wherever you live. We speak to clients all over the world. Michele's coaches are experts in helping you save your marriage. Please give me a call for further information. Take good care.


Karen, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
karen@divorcebusting.com

Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
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expatNL Offline OP
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I look into it. What is the time difference and what days woudl it be possible.?

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expatNL Offline OP
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Any idea what the time difference between the netherlands and your offices is ? So I don't phone at 4 am in the morning.

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Hi, You are 7 hours later than we are. You can call between
3pm-10pm your time and reach us. Otherwise leave a message and we will call you back. I would look forward to talking to you. Thanks.


Karen, Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004
karen@divorcebusting.com

Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
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expatNL Offline OP
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Still trying to pluck up the courage to call.
Just finished ready Divorce remedy and ended up feeling even more dispondent. Felt I had to "skip to chapter 9".
My wife is one of those personalities that once she has made a decision nothing will change.

Would a 1 hour coaching session help me to know how to act in the following situation that will bring me back on the road to rebuilding my marriage? 180's etc. have not seemed to have worked.

She has scheduled a meeting with a mediator on Wednesday to discuss finances. Her words are :"I think it would be
good to start with the financial side as it might take away a lot of anxiety on both our sides to come to an agreement on this." Considering that I have been paying fully for everything for both of us during thi sseperation( The mortgage and the rent of the appartment I had to move to) and that she has full accesss to my salary and bank account and credit cards I am not sure what she has to be anxious about.

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Does she have a job?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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expatNL Offline OP
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so just left my son's therapist (ADHD, Dyslexia etc.) after being told single parenting skills and that I should accept that I can do nothing and move forward with the divorce my WAW has asked for. That I should stop feeling sad and embrace my new life.
hmmm. so I am emotionally stuck wanting to DB and being told left right and centre to give up

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WAW : started a job over a month ago. i.e. 11 months since separation

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Any DB advice on what to do at the mediators tomorrow?
a) should I roll over and agree to whatever my WAW asks for?
path of least confrontation .

b) Should I say no to everything?

c) Should I state that this is just to clarify the current situation so that the children are assured that I will still pay
for the roof over their heads in the family home.

d) refuse to discuss divorce?

e) accelerate it and agree to the divorce and what ever my wife wants? This is seems to be what I am being told by the "help" I am receiving from the Dutch Social services and psychologists.

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