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KdogGS Offline OP
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When I say belongings I specifically mean ammunition. Should I just say that?

XW brought up "what do you plan to do with it?" then had her attorney send my attorney an email stating "My client does not feel comfortable leaving the ammunition with him directly, and wants to bring it to your office instead." and then when she actually took it to the office, my attorney was not there and would not have been allowed to talk to her anyway. Attorney relayed the events to me through her legal assistant. XW had my ammo in a suitcase, and refused to leave it with anyone but my attorney. She demanded to speak with my attorney because she "had to tell her about my unstable mental state." When the legal assistant told her no, and that my attorney couldn't speak with her anyway, she went into hysterics and fell to her knees in the middle of the lobby. Apparently then she had to call her own lawyer, who eventually talked her into leaving the ammo with the legal assistant. So I guess those are what I know for facts and why I'm being defensive. How would you address that event and attack on mental status?

I'm letting her know about the emails in case at some point she did want to contact me, because I wouldn't be getting it. She knows where I live and how to send me a letter so that's why I included the part about no email moving forward, since her family has emailed me at various points as well.


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
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I think it's pretty clear who the one with the questionable mental status is. If it made her more comfortable to transfer the ammo via the lawyer, who are you to get offended by her taking care of her own need for comfort? Your sense of pride and need to control what she thinks about you are the impetus for your defensive email.

If she fears you, it is ridiculous to think that sending her an email telling her her fears are unfounded is going to have any effect in your favor. Let it go, let her get over her fears when she sees nothing happens. Your hurt feelings are less important than her fears, which are very real to her.

I sympathize because my H has the wherewithal to kill us, and he has been unstable or unpredictable in the time leading up to and including our separation. I've made him feel mad and sad, and I've seen behaviors in him I'd never have predicted.

He also has full training and credentials, and a perfect background check, and no actual behavior that should cause me to fear. My fears are irrational. He'd be super mad to think I fear him. But I read the papers and I know estranged H's kills their wives and kids sometimes. Sometimes right in my own neighborhood. And ammo is what they do it with. Allow her her unreasonable fears and let it go. It's not about you as much as about her.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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KdogGS Offline OP
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Thanks for your input, considering not sending anything and just letting things be.


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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KDog,

I think you've made a wise choice not to send anything to XW. She needs to own her emotions and what she thinks of you should not have any bearing on how YOU think of yourself at all.

Disaster averted...whew!

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I am late to the conversation, but I am glad you came to the conclusion to just let it go. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. As Advina said, it's clear who has the questionable mind set right now. The fact that she couldn't regulate her emotions in public says a lot, and I am mind reading of course, but I think your hearing what happened kind of pulled at your emotions a bit; thus you wanting to reach out.

But again, I am glad you decided to leave it.


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 463
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KdogGS Offline OP
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Thanks Mi, it did pull at my emotions. I actually feel sorry for her that she is still hurting over this. My other thought is if she is really that terrified of me and what I might do, why on earth would she have sent me that email the day before she picked up her stuff at the house, asking what time worked for me to meet up? I'm talking she thought we were going to meet up 3 days before the meltdown event. Do you agree to meet up with someone you think wants to hurt you? And we also met a few times after BD, all positive experiences, I kept distance, didn't have breakdowns, was nice and courteous like a friendly neighbor. She even commented "this isn't how I expected you to react."

Surprisingly, I'm very detached. She gave back an external hard drive with all of my documents from her parents and her computer and it had all of our old photos on it. I looked through them as if looking through someone else's life, she even looked like a stranger to me in some of them. It surprised me that I didn't feel any emotional tugs while doing it.

I'm not sure if she'll contact me moving forward, we never really had closure, never saw each other, haven't talked on the phone, and email has been business only from my end, even thought lots of her went into emotional stuff that hurt me, I took the high road.

Speaking of contact, did you crack my code? I'm refinancing the house and thinking of getting a different car that's better for carting the dog around than a Corolla. I'm thinking of getting a fun car again too, maybe a Trans Am convertible or an older corvette convertible.


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 132
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Some people are difficult to figure out and that is what I see with your W. GAL and move on. My H who will be xH soon, won't communicate honestly and I don't have closure either. After the big D is when he'll probably want to do his big discussion since he'll feel safe not being married. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction due to his lack of compassion, fear of commitment and how he abandoned me in many ways, including financial. DBing didn't work for me and I see though it can work for some after the big D. I wish you the best.

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Just stopping by to say hi K. Hope all is well!


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 463
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KdogGS Offline OP
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Hey Mi, thanks for checking in. I'm doing well, dating here and there, up for a promotion at work. I sent you my number, but you never texted me. What's up with that!?

How are things in your neck of the woods? Any developments?


H: 29
WAXW: 30

Bomb Drop- 9/9/13
Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14
D Final- 5/21/14
XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 698
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Posts: 698
K! o i must've missed that message w/ your number; send it again. wink

Congrats on being up for a promotion! That's awesome.

My neck of the woods? Not much going on. I sent my end of the D paper work to H directly so he can finish filing them to get the process going. He wanted me to call him when I received the package of papers to complete, I didn't... I just filled out my end, got it notarized and mailed it back.

The banker that notarized my paper work, made it a bit awkward. He asked what it was I needed notarized...at first he assumed I was going some where, he said that's usually why people need things notarized...I was like "uh... no....it's for a dissolution" he said "dissolution.......of a marriage?"

I said "yes" and he said "I can tell it wasn't your fault"... I just made a weird face lol I didn't know what to say...

Then when it was time for me to sign, he said "sign when ever you're ready" and so I signed immediately and he said "you're on your way to a new life".... again I didn't know what to say so I just said "so they say..." and he said "you have to be positive"...

lol

I was just ready to get out of there :\


me: 30 H:30
tgthr:7 m:4
no kids
5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012
long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012
official BD: July 2013
nothing filed
1/1/14 I dropped the rope
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