She entered the marriage in July of 2011 afer being unemployed with about $1k to her name. She would be leaving with about $75k in furniture, cash and retirement funds. I'd say that's pretty fair for 2 years of marriage in which I was the one who made the majority of the money.
Do you own the home? or do you rent? I'm not sure of the laws in TX but I put all the money down on our house before we were M. We divided the appreciation of the home after my down payment was taken out.
Look into that if you own the home.
If she Complains then say "That's the consequences of your action"
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I have owned the home since July of 2013. Both of our names are on the deed and the mortgage though. If she were honest with herself, she would admit she would never have been in a position to be a homeowner on her own. Also, she's stated about 4 times since BD that taking over the house payments would put her in a big financial bind. Apparently trying to guilt me about this predicament I've put her in
We purchased this house about 5 months after selling the first house I had purchased before we were even engaged. I put down $18,000 on that one, and proceeds from the sale of the house were about $31,000. Where it gets sticky is I took that $31,000 and put it in our joint checking account (only checking we had, we never did separate accounts) so my lawyer says they could argue my intent was to add that to the community property. Aren't laws awesome. If my W were honest with herself, she would admit she had nothing to do with the $18,000 I put down on the first house. In my proposed settlement I proposed awarding her her half of the downpayment on this house which was $26k. So I would be paying her $13,000. Her original settlement to me included no payout of the equity in our current home, with her just taking the house/furniture and me moving out to who knows where along with my dog who is a German Shepherd, barring me from most apartments due to weight/breed. Renting a house comparable to mine now would not be financially viable for me since the rent would be about $4-500 more than my mortgage from comps I've seen.
I've been living in this house since August after the renovations were complete. The majority of her stuff is already gone from when her parents helped her move out Sept 9th. I have paid the mortgage, property tax, and insurance on my own since November with no financial help from her. I have also maintained the house, the yard and everything associated with it. I find it odd she thinks that she can just come and take over with no payout, but then again, she's never really lived in the real world. Mommy and Daddy finance everything about her lifestyle which she couldn't afford on her own. And to some extent, I'm guilty of the same since we commingled all funds. I had no idea this situation would ever arise of course.
I realize some of that sounds snotty, I've still done my best to act with class, honor and dignity in all matters towards her. It's hard for me to reconcile this alien that possesses her was once my W.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Ouch, It going to tough to recoup the money from a joint checking account. FWIW, I was separated for over 18 month living in the home I put money into. Since I Was paying the taxes and mortgage the entire time I also took those money from her half of the equity.
Do not put yourself into a hard financial situation. I understand about being fair, but not at your expense.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Yes agreed, unfortunately I was the one with the majority of the assets so any way I slice it it will put me in a financial predicament. I could take money from the IRA, withhold taxes and penalties and pay off everything but the mortgage/refurnish the house. The money doesn't help me in a retirement account right now, I'm 29 and can definitely rebuild.
Moving forward, this has changed how I would view finances in the future between husband/wife. Marriage is to some extent a business contract. I will get a prenup next time, stating IRA's are each parties choice, and so are work retirement plans so those would be indivisible in the event of a divorce. Had I done that in the first place, this would have been a pretty easy split. Of course, "divorce isn't in her vocabulary" when we got married, so it was a tough sell on why a prenup was necessary at that time. Live and learn right?
Random though- For those that have divorced and remarried, did you or would you go through another wedding and inviting all of your family out again? I've been thinking about this, my family all had to travel like 2000 miles for the first one, flew in, paid for hotels, gifts, etc. I don't know if I could even ask them to do that again someday. This may be an over-generalization but I'm assuming someone getting married for the first time would want a big wedding. Do people getting married the second time go big again, or does it really depend?
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Wow, that's a jump. I'm assuming when you got married it was a happy occasion and your family was invited and wanted to travel to share in that. You're in a negative space right now, who knows what your future holds.
I've seen even bigger weddings the second time. It truly depends on the people involved.
Marriage is a business contract, that's the only purpose of the legal marriage certificate.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I know it's a jump, I have lots of time to sit and think at work when it's slow. With April 15th approaching though, the next two weeks ought not to provide me much time to think about anything.
I sent over proposed settlement two weeks ago now, yet to hear anything back. I think we tentatively set a court date but not certain on if we did indeed set it or just threw a date out there.
I think it's a pretty good deal, wonder what the machinations on her side are at this point.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Second Wedding??? Like LB said, it all depends on the two people. I for one wouldn't be into having a big second wedding. At this age most the women I date are D and have kids. A woman never M'd before may want something big.
29?? I'm jealous. You have a opportunity ahead of you in your next R.
They should make it much harder to obtain a M license.
Remain positive and don't rush into a R just to be in one.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Where it gets sticky is I took that $31,000 and put it in our joint checking account (only checking we had, we never did separate accounts) so my lawyer says they could argue my intent was to add that to the community property.
That's correct, it's referred to as "commingling". In Texas if you have separate property going into the marriage, or you receive an inheritance, those are considered your property if you divorce. UNLESS you mix the funds into a marital account ("commingle" it with marital assets). Then it becomes blurry. In my case I had the opposite issue, my wife received an inheritance that she commingled into my checking account and when we divorced she wanted half of it back even though she spent ALL of it on other things. I provided her with concise documentation showing how SHE had spent the entire amount, but one thing I learned in the D process is YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE WITH CRAZY. Print that in a 100 point font and tape it to your mirror and read it every morning, LOL! You have two choices- let the lawyers duke it out or capitulate and give her more than she deserves. I chose the latter because in my case it was worth the extra money to end the misery and move on with my life.
Quote:
If my W were honest with herself
If she were honest with herself she'd see what a great guy you are and would work on the M. No WAS is completely honest with themselves. They are singularly focused on THEMSELVES. It's all about them.
They should make it much harder to obtain a M license.
AMEN!!!!! I'm still newly divorced, but at this point I can't imagine getting married again. I'm content just to date, it's nice to do the "fun" stuff with someone else but leave all my personal/ financial business separate from them!
