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Joined: Nov 2013
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Got my head chewed off this morning. I guess her anger was building until she needed to unleash the fury on me. I managed to be firm while she went off the handle and dropped f bombs infront s3. I kindly asked her not to do that and she she didn't care because she was so angry.

I tried my best not to defend myself but she kept asking me for reasons. So I have her a few, only to have her go on more tangents(stuff about the past r). For someone who just wants to forget about the past she sure brings it up a lot. The stuff she clearly forgets(the agreement she wrote up, the money she owes me for the furniture I bought her) is just mind blowing to me. She claims that her buying me a ps3(when we were together) counts towards the money I lent her after bd!! I could go on and on about the ridiculous things she says. She seemed really pissed but at times really sad(crying). She thinks im going to be vengeful and introduce s3 to a girl in the same fashion. I told her i have morals and beliefs and im going to stick to them. No way i introduce s3 to a girl in 3 weeks; even if im madly in love with her. The thought of being madly in love with someone after that short a time just seems ridiculous to me. Things calmed down a bit and I told her I'd drive her to work since I was passing right by it.

We got coffees and had a much nicer conversation on the way there. I reiterated my boundary for being respectful in front of s3 and she agreed this time.

She even apologized for yelling at me. Told me to have a good day at work too. Haha, haven't heard that in a while.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,326
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I don't know...maybe others will disagree, but I think one of the things that took me too long to learn was "don't take the bait". If things start to escalate - take a deep breath and excuse yourself...especially if the F bombs are flying and your kid is present. It's hard to do, but it gets easier. At least you guys rebounded and ended on a high note. Taking her to work...man, you are a better person than I. I would struggle with that. smile

Crimson

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Hey crimson.

I totally agree, if I was dealing with someone who was a little rational. My ex goes bonkers when she wants to be mad at me. I've been doing a really good job of not engaging her for the past few weeks. Trouble is, in her twisted mind that gives her reason to think I'm being rude and it builds up in her til she explodes(today).

I find if I just let her spew and I keep as calm as possible that works best. Except my bro told me I should maybe show a bit of backbone and say things firmly with a few fbombs of my own. I tried that approach this morning and it seemed to not escalate things. I had to use "freakin" instead of fbombing.

The thing about driving her. I absolutely have no problem being kind to her. I've said this before that I've brainwashed myself with mother Teresa's quote about being kind anyway. I have been making conscious choices about limiting my fun, humorous side during texting. That comes across as rude though. Yikes!

She still thinks I have feelings for her and that hanging out would hurt me. She has no clue that I still have feelings for "my" girl, not this imposter. I have no desire to hang out with this person. Doing family things is completely different. I focus on my son. We haven't done anything family oriented in several weeks so that helps with not seeing her. I think by me saying I'm dating, would help her remove the thought I'm still hung up on her.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
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Also, my IC emailed me back after I sent her the one sided dialogue my ex and I had yesterday. She was basically in shock. Holy cow was the term she used. Haha


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
2
Member
OP Offline
Member
2
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Update

The last couple of weeks have been blah regarding the ex. She still makes these weird accusations like I won't let her move on and live her life. Wtf?!?! I've been as dark as I can be. We had a blow up yesterday. Totally her fault but managed to twist things around and get mad at me. I had to work a night shift. She was supposed to look after s3. I tried getting a hold of her all day. I texted her friend and mom because I was getting worried. I eventually got my buddy to look after s3. She called while I was on my way to his place and proceeded to get mad at me. Guilt tripping me and twisting things around. Sooooo frustrating. She tells me that I'm taking time away from her. Wtf?!?! If she wants to see s3 as bad as she says she wouldn't work out after work and miss out on seeing our son. She even asked me to keep him on her night because she was late from working out. Then on my way home from work she guilt trips me again. I asked if she wanted to see s3 or if she wanted to keep him overnight. She tells me it's too late according to my standards, she wants to see him but it's too late, she wants what's best for him. Give me a break. I just replied he fell asleep on the way home but he's awake now of she wants to talk to him. No reply.

Then she had the balls to say to me today that she cares and felt bad all day yesterday and today. Wtf?!?!

Then she tells me her douchbag of a bf is moving in. Wtf?!? It's been barely 2 months!!! Now I gotta deal with my son seeing that loser more often. My ex is messed up. She wants to know how I feel because I didnt say a word. She thinks I'm mad but I'm more or less disgusted by her actions and selfishness. I simply said I don't want to talk about it.

She asked about s3's upcoming bday. I said I don't want to talk about it right now. I can't deal with her serious lack of judgement. I mean for one, she failed her drivers test last week and is still driving around by herself; in douchebag's parent's car!!!! Are his parents that dumb to allow this?!?!

Sometimes I just want to tell her how stupid she is, but I put on this front that I'm ok with everything. I'm trying to act as if I don't give a sh*t, but I'm learning it doesn't matter what I do, she has a perception of me that isn't changing anytime soon.

On a positive note. My son and I are really bonding well. She made up a schedule today and it's no different than what we are already doing. I'm still gonna see him way more. She has no clue what she's missing out on. Too bad for her. Sad, really.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
2
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Help!!!!

Any vets wanna steer me in the right direction?

I just can't seem to have a civil conversation with my ex regarding important aspects of s3's life.

Bullet points.

She's been with dude for less than 2 months

She introduced s3 to him a month ago

Dude is moving in with her

Dude is watching s3 by himself this Sunday(never supervised my son alone before and I have no clue if he's capable of it other than my ex saying not to worry)

So far I've tried to express my stance on all of this as neutrally as possible. Apparently my point has not come across to her. We had a blowup today. She says I've never communicated anything with her. Several weeks ago I said my thoughts on s3 meeting him. She twists and "forgets" things that have been said. I'm actually scared to bring anything up regarding our son. It s*cks!!!

During our "discussion" today she asked how I felt about dude watching him. I tried to not talk about it but finally I said I'm not comfortable with it. That started the whole argument. She asked why, and without waiting for an answer from me, proceeded to twist it around and saying that I don't trust her judgment. Then she tangents off onto how she's trying to start up a life and blah blah blah.

She actually called me crazy and an [censored] and justified it by saying she was at her breaking point. She mentioned "if" we were in counseling the counselor "would" say, "are you open to meeting him?(dude)". I had to stop her right there. She's talking hypotheticals and my real life counselor has stated to me many times how unbalanced, unhealthy, emotionally abusive, immature, selfish, etc. my ex has been. I simply said "my counselor has said otherwise". At that point my ex decided to twist sh*t around again and said that my counselor has been feeding me sh*t and that I can't think for myself. I had enough at that point. I said "I can't think for myself?" She said that's her opinion. So I told her its my opinion that you're immature and selfish. She called me an [censored] and hung up.

I really need to figure out how to communicate with crazy. She still owes me daycare money but I'm getting to the point I'm scared to ask her for it, but I know I need to keep pushing her. She owes me over 500 dollars(daycare, furniture etc) and she claims she doesn't owe me a cent. K, I'll bite the bullet on the previous debt but this last week I paid for all of day are when we are supposed to pay half each. Her excuse is she's waiting on her new cheque books to come in. C'mon!! There's bank machines everywhere and I'll gladly take cash.

Anyway, how the heck do you enforce boundaries/concerns regarding child with the least amount of damage with someone who is unstable?


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
2
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This was one of her last texts to me. I've not responded, but would very much like to correct the many things she has wrong.


I think me calling you and trying to find solutions is being sincere.(she only called regarding a scratch s3 had. He said her cat was rough. She called to tell me that s3 was lying and that he was being rough with the cat)

It's always my intention to not I've step boundaries, and me calling you am ass-hole is when I've reached my breaking point and that's why I hung up. (She's justifying why she called me an assh*le?!??, this was after I apologized for calling her immature and selfish)

I am trying to build a life for myself, and I'm sorry if that's a problem for you.(I've never said it was a problem for me. Her actions and reckless behavior(driving without a license) is what I have a problem with)

I know what's best for me, and I know how to take precaution when it comes to our son. That includes the people in his life.
I'm sry if you don't agree with everything I'm doing. I don't believe the same rule book applies to everyone. There is no right or wrong. (There may not be a right or wrong, but her claiming my thoughts are important then defending everything she's done and ignoring my thoughts is just plain ridiculous. She clearly doesn't know how to take precaution if she's moving her relationship at warp speed and throwing my son into the middle of all this. Good thing I'm still his primary caregiver, although she probably sees it as 50/50.)

Just to give you guys am idea of how involved she is with our son. She drew up a schedule and it goes like this....

I have him Monday, Tuesday. I drop him off on "her" day(wed) at 7:30pm. She drops him off at my place at 8:30 am the next morning. I drop him off on "her" day(thurs) at 7:30 pm. She drops him off at my place at 8:30 fri. I have him until sat when I drop him off again at 7:30pm. Then I get him on Sunday again at 2pm. Out of all those days how many times does she feed him? Not many. She drops him off without brushing his teeth and I gotta ask if his teeth are brushed. Wtf?!?!


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Then why don't you draw up a schedule that's better?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
MrBond #2458228 06/07/14 03:03 AM
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Hey bond.

I'm actually really grateful for this schedule. It's not everyday a father gets to see his kid this often.

I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with her crazy and also whether or not I should voice my concerns regarding how she is bringing up our son.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Posts: 12,602
No I mean why are you letting HIM drive the bus? YOU are the one who should be leading things.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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