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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Florida
Dylis Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Florida
This hasn't happened (yet), but how do you respond if (when) an MLCer ask do you miss them or do you want them back, you know probably fishing? A friend of his contacted me out of the blue and kind of hinted towards that. Very weird. Not expecting anything anytime soon but it would be nice to be prepared and it peaked my curiosity.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,945
Southern Maryland
job Offline
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,945
Southern Maryland
Please keep to one thread until you've reached 100 postings. When a poster has numerous threads on a forum, it makes it difficult for us to follow your situation as well as you will have difficulty monitoring your progress as the months go by.

As a friendly reminder, you can change the subject line within a thread so that people will notice a change in the subject matter.

Now, to answer your question. If the person is truly in mlc, they most likely will not ask if you miss them nor would they ask if you want them back. But, if asked if you miss them, be honest and say yes, but you understand that they have to do what they must in order to move forward. As for wanting them back...well, I would have to be honest that both of you would have had to do some work on yourselves and he/she would have to show you that they truly want to return and reconcile. That there is a lot of hard work to be done in order to have a successful reconciliation.

Others will come along and chime in. I will post the link to this thread on your thread of 40 postings.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Florida
Dylis Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Florida
My apologies Job, that's exactly what I was trying to do. I remember you saying in a previous post that I could change the topic within a thread and I thought that's what I did, because I posted through my original thread. It wasn't until I hit submit that I realized it created a new thread. And unfortunately I couldn't undo the submission.

Thank you for the answer.

Thanks for posting the link and highlighting that I only have 40 postings on my previous thread. But I think I'm done with posting. I'll just be a reader from now on.

2ndTimeHurt - good luck and you and your family will continue to be in my prayers.

Thanks to everyone who contributed.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,945
Southern Maryland
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,945
Southern Maryland
Please don't stop posting. Get your thoughts out there so that others can listen and provide a shoulder to lean on.
Reading is good, but it also helps to visit other threads and get feedback from others.

The forum set up can be confusing at times. I still miss the edit key that we once had and I also tend to hit buttons at times that I wasn't meant to hit.

If it's mlc, it takes a long, long time for these people to start seeing the light. It's very unfortunate, but there's nothing you can do for them and even if they hint at thinking about returning home, most of them talk the talk, but don't actually do the walking. It's best to listen and set the comments aside. Actions speak louder than words.

Please keep the focus on you. Allow this person to come to you and listen closely to what that person has to say.

I know that this journey can be frustrating...but it's something you have to work through and can't walk around it.

I do hope that you will reconsider and continue posting.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
"But I think I'm done with posting. I'll just be a reader from now on."

Why?


I can tell you one thing for sure, you can read all you want about OTHER people's stories and they'll have nothing to do with you. Very dangerous to apply the wrong advice to your sitch even though YOU think it's right.

But if you don't post any more, good luck to you.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,666
Ohio
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Posts: 5,666
Ohio
Dylis,

Don't stop posting. Why? Because it's a long process?

That's putting it all on him. This isn't just HIS journey, it's yours. And, the faster you move through the grief and pain yourself, chances improve for your situation.

If you become, embrace, celebrate and grieve what you have lost, you will be able to feel joy and like your life again. When you like your life, you become more attractive, especially to someone in so much pain.

Think about it, by you NOT taking action by exploring your feelings and so forth, you allow the situation to remain stagnant. Even if he never comes on board, YOU will a good life waiting for you at the end of all this. Maybe, even before!

My H is still deep, deep in the tunnel and may never return. And, you know what? Because of the work I've done, mainly on these boards, I'm ok!! In fact, I was just posting on my thread how I'm bored.

Two years ago, a year ago, even three months ago...I didn't want to go and do ANYTHING. It hurt too much. But, I've looked at myself and I'm liking, more and more, what I see.

Don't let him or anyone stop you from being your fabulous self. And, the first step is to get really honest with what things you need to improve in yourself.

You can do this. :-)


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson

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