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Joined: Feb 2013
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Thanks for the bump PS., Not sure why my thread is not getting any responses?

I did send the proposed parenting plan and as expected she did not like it. When I asked last night to pack some extra cloths for the boys my planned night got quickly shut down. She don't want to upset their weekly routine. That routine will have to change eventually, that's why I wanted to slowly start with 1 or 2 nights a week.

They love me and my place. They are comfortable here. The boys don't want to leave when she comes to pick them up. I am fully capable of reading them bedtime stories, lying with them until they sleep and dropping them off at daycare in the morning.

I fear I will have to pursue the legal route to make this happen.

Anyone here have similar experiences with this?

If so, how did it get resolved?


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 565
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In THIS situation do not fear legal remedy. It [censored] but if she is unwilling to share your childrens time and come up with a fair and MATURE co-parenting plan then use legal means for your protection!!!!!

This board is full of threads of Dads wishing they had a chance of a re-do of the custody plan.

Lawyers s_ck ......unreasonable former spouses s_ck far worse!


ME 38 W 37
T18 M5
D3
BD 1/7/13
PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing
2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13
W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13
First mediation appt 12/19/13


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That will have to be my next step. For now I am waiting for her to send me her revised plan. Although there will not be much flexibility from the one I sent that is reasonable and fair.

Not going to back down from me getting equal access for my children. I accept her leaving the marriage but I will not back down from my joint parental responsibilities.

Any advise would be appreciated! smile


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
M
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OP Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
Just heard back from from W and shouldn't be surprised that she reject my proposal. She wants full custody and that I should contact a Lawyer.

I am so scared right now. Im a great Dad and I dont understand why she dont think so.

Can anyone give me some helpful tips, advise or happy endings in regards to this struggle. It almost feels like getting the BD again!

Please Please help!


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
So I contacted her L and asked why she don't agree with me having more time with the boys. I was shocked to hear that she thinks im an unfit parent and I don't have enough experience to properly parent them!

Im so disappointing that she thinks this about me. Every time I asked to have them overnights I was shut down and now she is trying to use I dont see them enough as a reason against me. L also said there were some allegations of abuse. Wow, not sure where that came from as Im the nicest guy you would ever meet.

Im concerned about her mental health if this is how she is viewing the past. Even her L suggested we go to Family Therapy to find ways to communicate before we go to court. When I suggested we go to family counseling she says talk to my Lawyer.

What do I do now?


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 132
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Your legal response should be to ask for counseling if you haven't already. In most states, not sure which you live in, will ask that you do have counseling if one person has a good reason. Sorry, but here's my love tough response. You sent the letter, which was to "convince" her how great you are and became in the last year and a half. She doesn't care or maybe your changes are too late for where she's at. This is the way it is with a lot of WAWs. Right now you need to be patient, instead of leaping with letters and calling her lawyer. Remember: Don't believe anything said (including what she told lawyer) and only half of what you see. You're wanting answers and all of us do. As Lost pointed out. We neglect to be real and follow our true self. I was a WAW after my xH was unfaithful 2x. Perhaps if he wouldn't have lept to all of his own conclusions, been patient, focused on kids, didn't harrass me thru legal system, etc., I might have saw the light sooner. You need to listen to advice you're asking for DBing. When you don't hear from somebody in a day or two, you do and do and then turn around and ask, "What should I do now?" Will you listen and actually try to GAL or do a 180? Something different than what you're doing, which is the same thing that's not working?

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Thank you for showing interest in my thread owl777! Great reminder to not believe anything she says. It hurts and its not true.

I did ask that we should go to family counseling and she is refusing. She wants me to sign off for her to have full custody of the children for the next 10 years. I want shared custody but she is not willing to compromise or even talk about it. I do not want to go the legal route but seems to be my only option to get to see my kids more. We need to find healthy ways to communicate effectively. She still has anger in her tone when talking to me.

Yes, I am trying to convince her that I am a good parent because she dont want me to have the kids more because im "unfit". Im being as patient as I can but I miss my children dearly. They grow up so quick..

I have many GAL activities and am confident in who I've become. All I want is to see my children more. DB'ing is hard when Lawyers get involved.


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
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Posts: 251
Here is an update for those still wondering whats going on in my world.

I feel that DB'ing has helped me immensely. Unfortunately it created a greater distance between my spouse & I .

She is determend to push me away as an active co-parent. We are going through the expensive, bias, legal system for me to get greater access to see my children more. Hard to believe that the woman who hates my guts gets to dictate when I see my children. She has made up unbelievable negative stories about me, that even the lawyers are questioning her creditability. My only avenue is to go to court with could cost up to 50k!

I thought the BD was the worst news one could get, not so. I can heal from losing a woman. Seeing my children suffer by not being with their father is the worst pain one could feel. They never asked for this, She chose to leave me, the children had no choice and are hurting be her choices.

I have rebuilt my life to revolve around my children and I will continue to challenge the system until I am financially drained. I have a moral obligation to influence their character development for my boys current & future happiness.

Wish me luck!


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
M
Member
OP Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 251
It has been over 2 years now since my separation. Not sure if it’s the holidays or a reminder of how challenging my December was two years ago but it is still hard not to think about how good our family could have been. I shall not dwell in fiction :-)

My currently reality is that overall I am doing well. My main struggle is agreeing on a parental plan that allows me have more time with my children. She refuses to discuss anything in regards with me having more time with my boys.. Going to court is my only option. Both lawyers agree she is being unreasonable! Never thought I would hear that one.

Achieved another goal and completed a 5k run! Sure I was 427th out of 1200 but I did it! First medal I received since high school. Lol. Keeping busy with home improvements and repairs… discovered every project takes twice as long as projected and double the cost!

Keep working on yourselves and best wishes with this holiday season!


H 37
WAW 32
S 4 (Autistic)
S 2
Together 11 years
Married 6
Bombshell Dec 1 2012
House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 471
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2 years is a long haul. Thanks for checking in and staying true to your M! smile


ME: 38
BF: 40
T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice)
BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R.
10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW
12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
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