A tale of woe like this needs to be shared so others can learn from my fortunes. The early chapters posted through out the years on this website are a dialogue into morals, ethics, perseverance, personal fortitude, and ultimately....rebuilding oneself into a person one wants to be...no longer the one that was. It is said we lay out grand plans, but life has no room for our grand plans. It has a mind of it's own well out of our control.....or even our wildest imaginations. That explains how we can rise from the ashes of a failed marriage to become something more than we were, while striving to be even more.
As for me....things are good. I feel I have found a nice balance to live in....Juggling fatherhood, work, and fun has become consistently....easier. One of the most important things I learned in my journey was how to prioritize. Define what is TRULY important...as opposed to what I was led to believe was important. What I have found is that by doing this....I have basically removed stress from life. It has helped me be a better father, friend, and person.
The kids are excellent. They have the usually teenage distaste of doing chores, homework, or anything that involves responsibility. Those are all things that we all experienced at their age. They go to their mother's every other weekend, but even that is by their choice. We have decided to let the kids make their own choice on that one. The kids have expressed they love her, but don't like spending too much time with her...go figure LOL. So at times they would rather be home. A side note on kids.....learning all the DB steps has made me a much better father, even a role model to my soccer team players, then I would have thought possible. Bringing the DB model to dealing with teenagers is one of the unexpected rewards that life has thrown my way.
As for the end of my marriage....once affair #5 was confirmed, I was done. My marriage was holding me back in many manners at that point and it was time for more growth. So for 6 months I planned and prepared for the end of the marriage, an ending that I controlled. Now you may ask why I bring that up on a forum about saving marriages. The truth for me is this website is about saving ourselves first, and then...only after that....Maybe...a big maybe....saving the marriage. Those 6 months I db'ed like crazy....not to save the marriage, but to save myself. In those 6 months there was only two heated discussions....and very little stress. I had actually planned to go 8 months to remove the X from the house, but life intervened. Once she started spending money on the OM and asking me to cover additional bills.....well that was a boundary I had set for instant house removal. SO I made it happen....It actually wasn't a big argument. More just an acceptance that the game was up and I was no longer going to be involved in it. Currently we are working on getting the divorce paperwork setup.....The only sticking points really are all hers. It seems that my success is a thorn I her side.....but that was the plan from the start LOL
The last year and half have been fun. The kids seem to be growing every day (and my grocery bills prove that) and are almost little adults...almost LOL. As a team we struggle with homework, taking care of the pets, and constant trips to the clothing stores. We went to Disney with my family and my daughter finally got to see the castle...big happenings.
As for dating...while I have been on dates, so far they all have turned into just friendships. It is amazing how DB has taught me how to communicate with the fairer sex....and how they will respond to somebody who actually hears. The other twist in that portion of my life being that I am the full time parent.....so dating time is very limited. It is what it is.
This site, the books, and the friends I have made on here have been a gift...an inspiration...beyond what can be described. SO thank you all.
As for you Jack....If you get a chance to read this....Thank you!!!! You pushed when I needed it most....and that will always be priceless.
I agree w/T2...lots and lots of likes. I do hope others will come along and read your inspirational posting. The hard work does pay off and many ways.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Great post LFW. Like you, I came here hoping I would find the answer to save my M. Through the amazing guidance of everyone here, I have learned that this journey is about saving ourselves! You are an inspiration. I cant wait to get to the point you are at
In my opinion that hardest part of DB'ing and the part so many people struggle with....is that the changes have to start from within. Here we are in the illusion that we are trying to save a marriage that is external from us.....and the path to that starts with changing our half of the pie.
In doing that, the end is guaranteed....being a person who is stronger and more balanced emotionally and individually. Once you get there.....Living good is the reward one way or another.