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Planet I hear your pain, do you feel the need to help her? As Paul very well told you we sometimes repeat and repeat and its sometimes because we dont allow ourselves time enough to figure it out the best way to love ourselves...

I am in a place of pause in my R with my W now and I have been discovering things about myself, now all I want its to enjoy this time and spend time doing things for myself, I know I am lovable and everyday I confirm that more and more, but I am realistic and know that now I cant offer my full self to a R.

Just be gentle with yourself and honest and if you cant offer her a R now just walk this path single, it will be everything fine wink


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
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ye21
One of the things we learn from Dbing is that we don't have to rescue others emotionally. What we do in situations like this is just to validate.
Can anyone misconstrue validation as something else?

What I can offer now is just friendship. I did not put myself out there for a serious relationship.

Sigh!

Maybe she's right. Just live in the moment.


M35 XW34
D5 D4
M 6years T 10years
Bomb 5/2013
Joint Petition signed 6/2013
Moved out end of 8/2013
Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013
D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
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Oh ok wink


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 534
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planet Offline OP
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Hmm...tonight is indeed a strange night.

XW wanted to talk to me over some insurance matters. She keeps mentioning she has my best interest in mind while discussing this thing. It involves money...so (shrugs). I don't have to pay extra so I'm good.
She can even sit closer and look me in the eye. Well, that's new!
Still, I do not trust her motives. I don't know why.

I have been doing my thing. Enjoying my new found friends. Emotionally I'm pretty much on the low towards XW. I don't think about us all the time. It seems that my mind has been occupied by other things. I'm enjoying my kids more when I don't have thoughts of XW occupying it often. It's great and liberating.

Could XW have sensed my cutting all emotional cords?
Time can only tell.


M35 XW34
D5 D4
M 6years T 10years
Bomb 5/2013
Joint Petition signed 6/2013
Moved out end of 8/2013
Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013
D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Good to hear from you planet.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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wink labug.

Suddenly I find myself becoming Mr.Popular...loads of activity to keep myself pretty much occupied.

I'm enjoying my kids more. They are asking me to stay longer each time I visit. D5 tells me that she loves me. Voluntarily. D4 only says 'I love U' after she gets something out of me. It usually involves more play time with hugs and kisses. laugh

I went 'incommunicado' with the girl that was interested in me after that night. In the meantime she did post a hint on FB. She texted yesterday to meet up. I said sure and left it as it is. She texted again today asking for a specific date and time.
I don't know how to respond. This girl is relentless.

Life is good. Feels like high school all over again!

BTW, I had a dream about XW a couple of nights ago and I haven't had a dream for a very, very long time. I realized that I still have some feelings for her.
Hmmm...I don't think this is good news. Have I moved on or have I not?
Each is pulling me on both sides. Both equally strong. I know I don't want to remain 'stuck'.


M35 XW34
D5 D4
M 6years T 10years
Bomb 5/2013
Joint Petition signed 6/2013
Moved out end of 8/2013
Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013
D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 534
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planet Offline OP
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Well, it's been weeks since I have actually seen XW face to face but the last wednesday she's there having dinner and arranging something in the living room while i was playing with my girls. That's new.

Even stranger, she texted me requesting me to get her consent before taking the kids out to meet my friends. I took D4 out last weekend to meet my new friends and had a fun time. She's loved by all.
D4 meeting my friends bothered her whole week that she decided to make an 'appearance' and actually said 'something' today? Hahaha.

I told her I'm taking them on sunday and my plans. She replied she never stopped D5 from going out with me and it's her choice to stay. I thought I just made my plans known to ease her worry but I got another strange response instead.

I don't really know whats XW's worry is. No point getting any form of clarification from someone who's clearly paranoid. I just said 'Good to know' and ended the conversation.


M35 XW34
D5 D4
M 6years T 10years
Bomb 5/2013
Joint Petition signed 6/2013
Moved out end of 8/2013
Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013
D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 534
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planet Offline OP
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Haven't been around this forum much. Thought I'd check in.

It's been 1 year since BD. A lot of things changed especially the last couple of months.

Got myself a new job. Very busy all the time. Been engaged in several business discussions with some investors. Might have to give up the security of a permanent job to do what I want in life, although it's just around a month in this new job.
My prototype development has stalled. Need to continue focusing on it again. Time is what I can't afford right now!
I realize that there's more to life than moping around and hoping to see changes in XW and the situation. I gave that up.

Kids are great. D5 and D4 loves my visit. It's always papa here, papa there, papa do this, papa do that. It's great.

Well, XW is still XW. From the last conversation we had, she still blames my mom and sis for the D. Wanting so much for me to acknowledge it. I did so many times over after BD. Don't know if she will ever snap out of it. Looks like she's the one who can't let go. I will honour my family. Nothing I can do to change the past. I don't blame any of them. Things happened for a reason. It's afterall her perspective. I have my own.

The girl who interested in me is still interested. I can't change her too. She is not what I want unfortunately, although I would say she's very much different from XW. That said, I'm staying in the friend zone nevertheless.

Looking forward to the future. Had a hunch it will be better.


M35 XW34
D5 D4
M 6years T 10years
Bomb 5/2013
Joint Petition signed 6/2013
Moved out end of 8/2013
Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013
D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 35
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Posts: 35
planet,

hang in there. Don't give up hope. I'm very early on in the process but I know how important self work is. Hopefully, you're taking care of yourself throughout this ordeal.


Me - 44
Her - 35
S - 6
D - 8
Married - 8
Together - 11
Separated - 5/17/2014
Divorce filed - 6/3/2014
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Yay, Planet. Sounds good.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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