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A Message from Michele
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Re: Can I still save this? [Re: D2ndday] #2432716
02/21/14 11:40 PM
02/21/14 11:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
T
TipAnna Offline OP
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TipAnna  Offline OP
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Posts: 54
This evening , he brought up that it's his dad's birthday and that the family was all going out for dinner on Saturday. I felt a inch in my heart and tried to keep the tears from swelling in my eyes. I realized that I will miss them too..

But you are right D2, I will avoid his sister's calls...or text back a quick reply if needed. His mom stopped calling, I think she got the message that I am avoiding them. I think I need to do this for myself. Will help with the detaching.


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together


Re: Can I still save this? [Re: TipAnna] #2432730
02/22/14 12:40 AM
02/22/14 12:40 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
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TipAnna Offline OP
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TipAnna  Offline OP
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Well, that feeling of "missing out" on that bday dinner tomorrow night just passed..quickly too may I add..lol! Just made plans to go out with a friend for dinner tomorrow night too..haha! I just realized that this does get easier every day. I AM strong and will only get stronger every day. I used to spend every waking moment obsessing, analyzing, rationalizing and I can honestly say that, although I am only (almost) two months in this crazy ride, I now have days when I don't think of IT (H, OW, D, R) at all! Hang in there all! there is a light for US at the end if this tunnel, and we are only stronger, better people for it!


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together


Re: Can I still save this? [Re: TipAnna] #2432815
02/22/14 04:20 PM
02/22/14 04:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 58
Maine
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D2ndday Offline
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D2ndday  Offline
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Maine
I say good for you TipAnna!! I think not participating in the dinner with his dad, is good. I mean who benefits from you going. I would imagine it could be uncomfortable for all. I don't think you would have fun or be happy. Instead you are going to do something that will be fun for you, that sounds great!


Me:36
Her:35
together 11yrs
M 7 1/2yrs
lived together 10yrs
2dogs 2cats
Mortgage on a house

bomb dropped 01/12/14
Separate bedrooms/W stays here some nights
I want to stay married



Re: Can I still save this? [Re: D2ndday] #2432865
02/22/14 08:40 PM
02/22/14 08:40 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
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TipAnna Offline OP
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TipAnna  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
Spend the day packing more boxes. We had two "visits" for the house; 2 more tomorrow. I don't think it will be long now. H said he hoes it sells fast cause he wants to move out into his new apartment quickly...I don't understand why he wants to "run" from me but I guess that is what a WAS does, right? I am trying to focus on me and my future; trying to picture what it would "feel" like to be single/alone again. Alone, I don't mind; single kind of hurts cause I sooo wanted to have children by now. But i guess, everything happens for a reason.


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together


Re: Can I still save this? [Re: TipAnna] #2432952
02/23/14 04:13 AM
02/23/14 04:13 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 58
Maine
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D2ndday Offline
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Quote:
trying to picture what it would "feel" like to be single/alone again. Alone, I don't mind; single kind of hurts cause I sooo wanted to have children by now. But i guess, everything happens for a reason


I have thought about that a lot. I guess what I have been doing when I start thinking about that, is bring myself back to the moment. It is so easy to sink deeper into that line of thought and for me, it does not feel good.

I can relate on the kids thing as well. I mean we had started trying this summer. I thought we had made up our minds, we were going to do this. Mentally I was ready, and everything was good to go, and then this. I mean just another plan that she wiped off the books, lol. [censored], I don't have anything better to say than that. Either it would not be appropriate language to say here, or I just cant go down the thought path.

Quote:
I am trying to focus on me and my future


cheers to that!


Me:36
Her:35
together 11yrs
M 7 1/2yrs
lived together 10yrs
2dogs 2cats
Mortgage on a house

bomb dropped 01/12/14
Separate bedrooms/W stays here some nights
I want to stay married



Re: Can I still save this? [Re: D2ndday] #2433492
02/25/14 01:25 PM
02/25/14 01:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
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TipAnna Offline OP
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TipAnna  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
Today, I feel like I finally have gotten a grasp of what detaching IS. I am in such a calm and good place these last few days. He comes, he goes, he does things he wouldn't have done before, but I simply don't let that phase me or let his actions "touch" me. I've had three days of serenity now, no anger, no confusion, no crying or over thinking. I am sleeping like a champ, too! I'm content with myself and how I've handled the situation thus far. In the end, I've accepted his decision, and know that I will be okay when he leaves..

The LRT and GAL have really helped, honestly! Two months ago, when I picked up the DR book , I was desperately looking for a "solution", a fast fix to stop all this from happening. Today, I understand that the LRT and GAL is for me, just like everyone has been saying. Not to get him back or stop my M from crumbling..I also fully understand that I can't make him do what I want him to do, I can't fix this or him. I need to let "this" run its course. One day, he will see that this is a mistake but maybe NOT?!! Everything happens for a reason, so I am embracing this ME time , getting to know me, improving me, focusing on me, and know that I will be okay.. and this in turn has helped me , not only heal from the hurt, but also, understand the situation, what happened and why, without placing blame and forgiving myself at the same time.

Today, the sun is shining (although it's [censored] cold)and I see the light at the end of the tunnel, as they say..I will be okay and will be happy, if not happier than I've ever been..


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together


Re: Can I still save this? [Re: TipAnna] #2433897
02/26/14 04:17 PM
02/26/14 04:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 58
Maine
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D2ndday Offline
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Posts: 58
Maine
TipAnna, the tone of this post, to me is calm. It honestly made me feel better reading it. Better for you, but I also got something out of it too. Knowing first hand what this has been like going through this in mine, and reading your story, and what you have posted. Then, reading this post. I know that a feeling of calm, sounds great. You deserve that! Your attitude sounds positive! Hold onto that!


Me:36
Her:35
together 11yrs
M 7 1/2yrs
lived together 10yrs
2dogs 2cats
Mortgage on a house

bomb dropped 01/12/14
Separate bedrooms/W stays here some nights
I want to stay married



Re: Can I still save this? [Re: D2ndday] #2434947
03/02/14 04:13 PM
03/02/14 04:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 58
Maine
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D2ndday Offline
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D2ndday  Offline
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Posts: 58
Maine
TipAnna, you gotten quiet. How are you? Wanted to check in.


Me:36
Her:35
together 11yrs
M 7 1/2yrs
lived together 10yrs
2dogs 2cats
Mortgage on a house

bomb dropped 01/12/14
Separate bedrooms/W stays here some nights
I want to stay married



Re: Can I still save this? [Re: D2ndday] #2436037
03/06/14 03:21 PM
03/06/14 03:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
T
TipAnna Offline OP
Member
TipAnna  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 54
Thank you for checking up! I have needed to come to this site less and less, mainly because I am finally happy and moving forward. This means that I am not looking to save my marriage anymore. Instead, I am looking for ways to bring happiness and success to me!

Although we are still "living" together as I write this, we did have a "talk" about him wanting to leave recently. I acknowledged his decision and told him that if he decided to do so, there are obligations he would need to respect since we bought this house together, like mortgage payments, house insurance, bills, etc, if he still wanted a portion of the profit from the sell of the house. This was not to his liking but after a heated debate, he acknowledged that he, like I, could not afford to be on our own and still take care of our obligations, not before selling the house. Therefore, we agreed he would stay. In my head, I was trying to understand where this was all coming from. Why did he, all of a sudden, decide he wanted out? Was it the OW? blah, blah, and I stopped in my thoughts and realized. It does not matter why... Think of you, be happy and good things will come...

It was later that I found out that, the OW is now pregnant! They decided to keep the baby, had planned to move in together by April. She was going to tell her husband about my H and the baby, after she filed for divorce and blah, blah. That was then, now, she tells my H, that although she wants the baby, she is not sure she wants him..hes angry, moppy, stressed, etc...but I have dissociated myself from all this negativity, and am looking out for me...I always come back to the moment when I feel my thoughts trail, take it day by day, and wish the universe would bring me a buyer for the house!


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together


Re: Can I still save this? [Re: TipAnna] #2436143
03/06/14 06:34 PM
03/06/14 06:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
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zew Offline
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Posts: 628
My Lord. That last paragraph is soap opera material. Aren't you glad you learned to detach!

I'm reminded of an old roadrunner cartoon. Wily Coyote has a long stick, and he's poking pebbles out of a land bridge directly above him, which ultimately collapses and crushes him in a pile of boulders. Just before the collapse, he holds up a sign that says "What in Heaven's name am I doing?"

I'm wondering if the WAS really does have that moment, where suddenly they recognize, "Wow, wrecked two marriages, I'm the father of a child of a married woman who isn't my wife, etc. etc."

I'm way too early in this process to have seen that yet, but that has to be one helluva moment. I'm truly grateful that my personal choices won't put me in that position.

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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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