A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
Call 303-444-7004 to get started right away.

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 10 1 2 6 7 8 9 10
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Florida
Member
Offline
Member

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Florida
Not to make light of what happened, but at least you created some mystery without having to lie. And you can think of it as a 180 since it's so unlike you.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Haha.

Not really a mystery since she knows what I did. She asked what I did and she knows all my friends. I can't really say I'm going out with a friend because she'll say did you go out with so and so. And she'll kinda make fun of me for saying "friend". She knows it's like I'm playing a game if I say the word friend. Maybe I need to make new friends.

I don't think 180's count if I'm too drunk to remember to set my alarm and forget to pick them up. Haha.

On the plus side she did send some nice texts today about my goof. She said she hopes I feel ok, said she wasn't mad and that she's sorry if she made me feel bad. She was just frustrated, understandably so. I made it up to her by buying her a milkshake and a wrap. Not sure if that's enough but she accepted it. I ended up staying for about an hour and I could tell she was tired so she wasn't very talkative.

One thing I'm kinda wondering is that when i was out lastnight, she said she wanted me to call her in the morning. I wonder why. Oh well. She also sent me a picture of her artwork she was working on. Also texted for a bit because she couldn't sleep.

She's taking him swimming tomorrow so that should be fun for him.

Anyway, that's about it.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Boy I gotta learn from my ex on how to be mysterious. Haha. First she says to call her in the morning but I was too drunk to wake up. Then today she says she feels like crying with no explanation. I assume it was because she's been feeling really fatigued lately.

Today was a fun family day. She actually invited me to go swimming with our son today. She mentioned she wanted to go for 1 but I didn't hear back from her til about 3. She said she took a nap. Then she says to meet at her place for 3:30. She doesn't come out til close to 4. She seemed really tired or upset or sad. I'm not sure but something was off. I just asked if she was ok. Swimming was fun and we all had a blast. I just ended up taking my son home because she said she was taking the bus. I suspect to go out. I'll just take today as a pleasant day and leave it at that.

I stuck to my 180's of not questioning or getting upset that she was late. I've actually had about 2 years of practice with not getting upset when she makes me wait. But the questioning 180 still takes a conscious effort.

I think it's a spaghetti night for me. Mmm.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
A little journaling...

Today she wanted to see our son. I picked her up from work and we picked him up. She was in good spirits which was good to see. I picked up a few groceries and she wanted to go back to my place. She made one of my favorite meals she used to make. She joked that was the reason I wanted her to come over. I guess she didnt realise she was the one that wanted to do a family thing. We had a good dinner then she dyed her hair again while I played with our son.

She then asked about me dating. I just said I have a couple of options but whatever. She tells me that when I'm ready I'll be able to date. That's a déjà vu. I have no clue why she asks me about that stuff. Guilt most likely. Another déjà vu is she keeps telling me that she doesn't go out late anymore and she doesn't like drinking. Almost like she's trying to make me not worry about her. Her words were "I'm not gonna stay out late, and don't worry I mean that".

She wants to take our son swimming again tomorrow and actually wants to keep him overnight Thursday til Friday. This is a 180 for her. I can't remember if she ever had him overnight during the week since she's moved out. Last time we broke up she was upset that she didnt get to see our son as much while she was dating. I guess she realized that dating does take away time from your child. This is another déjà vu.

One thing that is bothering me is stupid valentines day. She spent our whole relationship bashing vday. I mean, she was adamently against it. I still did small stuff on that day, like a small gift and sushi or something. I know she has plans that day and I can't get the thought out of my head that mr. Special is gonna wine and dine her. I know it's early stages of their relationship and she'll probably eat it up. I need that day to pass ASAP!! I'll admit I gotta stop conjuring up stories.

On the plus side she has been acting very friendly with me. She apologizes for not texting back right away(surprisingly I don't care if she doesn't respond quickly). She makes dinner and invites me to hang out with her and our son. I really do understand that all of this means nothing but it's just nice that we're not fighting or angry. That has to be a positive.

One thing that kinda popped into my mind today... She has my initial tattooed on her neck. She got it when we reconciled. I have many thoughts regarding the tattoo but I'll leave those thoughts in my head.

Anyway, after hanging out for a bit tonight she went to her usual pool night thing. That thing that bothered me during our relationship. She plays pool with that guy she had casual sex with during our break up. They continued to hangout one on one during our reconciliation and it bothered me. Not in a jealous way but a respect way. I'm pretty confident now that I could probably finally meet this dude. I guess it doesn't really matter at this point though.

As far as what I did today not regarding her... I worked on a job that my boss left for me while he's away on vacation. It gave me a sense of pride knowing he trusts me to do a job by myself. I actually did a pretty good job as well. Played with my son as usual but with the ex this time. He's really into bedtime stories right now so I read him a bunch. Played my guitar for only a bit today. I also had a late night online gaming session with the guys. We're trying to find more days to do that and that really helps with diverting my attention.

K, now can Friday come and go so I can get on with my life. Such a bad day to be single. There should be a special day for people like us. Lbs day!!! Maybe I'll celebrate lbs day on the 14th as well. Who's with me!!!


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Just a short post tonight. Journaling how flip floppy my ex is. She texted that she wanted our son Thursday night til Friday morning. I say sounds good. Then she says to call her. She calls me and says she wants to do Wednesday nights til Thursday. I say fine. Then she texts that she can't tonight or tomorrow but will take him Saturday night til Sunday. I say whatever works for you. She was taking him swimming tonight and asked me to meet her at the pool. Then she calls and asks to get picked up because the buses are off schedule. I say sure.

I seriously have no problem with any of this. I basically expect this behavior from her. I actually had plans to meet up with a girl on Thursday, but then I rescheduled for tonight but then I bailed on tonight. I guess I can blame my ex for being so wishy washy, but honestly I don't really care too much about meeting that girl. I think the girl is gonna can me because I was being flakey. Again, it is what it is and I'm not gonna lose sleep over it.

On a side note, my ex was appreciative that I picked my son up from the pool and actually said good night to me.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Member
Offline
Member

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 883
Originally Posted By: 2ndTimeHurt
Just a short post tonight. Journaling how flip floppy my ex is. She texted that she wanted our son Thursday night til Friday morning. I say sounds good. Then she says to call her. She calls me and says she wants to do Wednesday nights til Thursday. I say fine. Then she texts that she can't tonight or tomorrow but will take him Saturday night til Sunday. I say whatever works for you. She was taking him swimming tonight and asked me to meet her at the pool. Then she calls and asks to get picked up because the buses are off schedule. I say sure.

I seriously have no problem with any of this. I basically expect this behavior from her. I actually had plans to meet up with a girl on Thursday, but then I rescheduled for tonight but then I bailed on tonight. I guess I can blame my ex for being so wishy washy, but honestly I don't really care too much about meeting that girl. I think the girl is gonna can me because I was being flakey. Again, it is what it is and I'm not gonna lose sleep over it.

On a side note, my ex was appreciative that I picked my son up from the pool and actually said good night to me.

hi...sounds like you are taking things in stride. Dont forget to treat yourself good too. If your ex says she wants night X and you make plans I seems fair that you can keep them if they are important to you. Does thst sound fair. If she's just changing around it doesn't mean you have to just to kerp the peace so to speak.


me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Hey Paul thanks for stopping by.

I am taking things in stride. Believe it or not but i do still know and accept my ex's wonky behavior. She's always been the type to be so indecisive. My plans weren't really plans yet and I didn't want to lie(thanks as) that I had plans made. Honestly I was fine watching my son for the night and staying in. It is a weekday after all.

I also know that she felt bad about changing things around. There was no feeling of entitlement on her part. She was genuinely upset.

Let's see how many times she changes her mind today:)


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
I'm probably gonna get some 2x4's.

I had the day off today and was running a few errands. I decided to get her a picture frame and fill it with pics of her and our son for vday. I also got my son to help make a card. He had fun playing with the glue stick haha. Anyway, while I was out I offered to bring her a coffee. I do that from time to time and it was something I always did for her during our relationship. It's part of my be kind anyway thought process. Zero expectations. She responded instantly and said she wasn't at work but would be back shortly. She wanted a salad so I got her one. She then texted if I could pick her up since I was just down the street from her(she actually refuses to accept anything from me, but she usually does... That's her flip flopping mentality). I missed that text so she took the bus back to work.

I met up with her at her work to drop off her salad and coffee. She then proceeded to talk my ear off for over an hour. We shared some laughs and just talked about random things. She talked about how she helped her friend clean out her apartment and wanted to take all the garbage bags in one trip. She hates taking two trips and she even mentioned to her friend that I would bug her about that. This is the same friend she told about me having more muscles before. She just kept wanting to talk. She said she had to go to the bathroom and asked if I wanted to wait. I told her at this point I should go.

If anything hanging out with her was pleasant and enjoyable. Plus it adds to my being a wedge between her and new guy. I just want to say that my wedge moves aren't things that I normally wouldn't do. I'm just going with the flow and if it happens to be a wedge move then so be it. If she wants me to dye her hair or rub her feet or text me artwork at 2:30 in the morning or go swimming with our son or have a family dinner etc. I'm all for that. Man after reading that last line she sure does a lot of stuff with me. This new dude can't have any idea what she's been up to. Whatever, I'll get that thought out of my head.

As for me... This nice girl(online dating-my profile says just friends and socializing) asked me out this Saturday but I'm reluctant to go because we haven't even met yet. It's actually to go to a vday bash at the convention centre. She will be with a group of her gf's. I'm not sure how comfortable I'll be hanging out with a bunch of females I've never met for a vday party. Just seems weird to me. I asked my buddy to come but he hasn't replied back yet.

So that's my update for the day. I know I did a bunch wrong today but I feel fine about it. I think that's important... I think.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Gotta make it through today. After seeing my ex's fb post yesterday I really gotta focus on myself and my boy. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I'm gonna have a valentines dinner with my son. He will be my valentine today.

Question. How do I document that I've been the primary caregiver for my son? Do I just journal it? That doesn't sound too official to me. I've basically journaled it here but is there a more official way to do it?


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 369
One other thought.

Can I get a "me" for any of you out there dealing with a was that has an om/ow in the picture. I'd really like to read your threads. Maybe even a brief description like when it started or how serious it is.

Thanks!!

Happy lbs day!!


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
Page 8 of 10 1 2 6 7 8 9 10

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004