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LRT #2423988
01/17/14 09:44 PM
01/17/14 09:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
J
JJAC2005 Offline OP
Member
JJAC2005  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
Does anyone have any input on LRT and being already divorced from your WAS?


M 52
W 40
D 15 (step)
S 12 (step)
Married 7, together almost 8
Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..."
BD final 8/22/12

Re: LRT [Re: JJAC2005] #2423995
01/17/14 09:55 PM
01/17/14 09:55 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
J
JJAC2005 Offline OP
Member
JJAC2005  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
I'm really having a hard time with wanting to drop the ex a line or something....


M 52
W 40
D 15 (step)
S 12 (step)
Married 7, together almost 8
Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..."
BD final 8/22/12

Re: LRT [Re: JJAC2005] #2423999
01/17/14 10:01 PM
01/17/14 10:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 535
L
LBH_LC Offline
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LBH_LC  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 535
JJAC, I'm going to be where you are in no time at all, like a matter of weeks.

We have to let go.

They've made it abundantly clear what they want. Trust in God or the universe or karma that things will turn out for the best, whatever that is. Live for yourself. Try and be kind to yourself.

Re: LRT [Re: LBH_LC] #2424001
01/17/14 10:06 PM
01/17/14 10:06 PM
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 626
L
lovethehub Offline
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lovethehub  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 626
Do you have any background you can give on your story? What happened, why are you separated? When was the last time you spoke?


M 46
H 44
D 12 S 8
M 9 T 11
BD 2/15/13
"Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13
Agree we are 'healing' 7/13
Definitely Piecing 9/13
Re: LRT [Re: LBH_LC] #2424002
01/17/14 10:06 PM
01/17/14 10:06 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
J
JJAC2005 Offline OP
Member
JJAC2005  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
Thanks...I know these things....I truly do.
I just can not believe I still have all this emotion left after a year now.


M 52
W 40
D 15 (step)
S 12 (step)
Married 7, together almost 8
Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..."
BD final 8/22/12

Re: LRT [Re: JJAC2005] #2424004
01/17/14 10:23 PM
01/17/14 10:23 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 88
Kent, UK
L
LJC Offline
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LJC  Offline
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L
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 88
Kent, UK
Sorry you feel that way.. I've been S from my W for 15 months I'm DB like a trooper and get the feeling it's all for nothing. I stop at work and stand there thinking to myself "I can't believe its over!"

The one thing I can tell you is I've taking great comfort and knowledge from these boards, it really does make sense to just go out there and enjoy YOUR life. Sure your W left you for a reason so try and do 180's on them but if she sees you enjoying yourself, your life she may just jump back on board?

Good luck smile


M - 37 W - 35
T - 11 M - 5.5
SD13 D10 S4
ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12
Moved out 7 Dec 12
At present - Being the best dad i can be.
Re: LRT [Re: JJAC2005] #2424005
01/17/14 10:26 PM
01/17/14 10:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
L
LITB Offline
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LITB  Offline
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L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
What exactly would you like to know about the LRT? I am sure many of us have a lot of input.

LRT is effective when you sincerely and lovingly let your (ex)spouse go. When you work on your personal growth and you are living independent of your (ex)spouse.

You clearly still have an emotional attachment to your ex. I'd venture to say that the LRT will not work until you completely let go.


James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance...
Re: LRT [Re: JJAC2005] #2424006
01/17/14 10:29 PM
01/17/14 10:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
J
JJAC2005 Offline OP
Member
JJAC2005  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
its been a long time since I've posted....I have had a few strings on here, I'd point them out but I'm not that savy on tech stuff.
Anyway...for the most part I feel comfortable with everything, and actually most of the time pretty confident that my ex knows exactly what I have learned, what my feelings are and EXACTLY how I still feel about her.
The troubled spot comes with how or even if there is a way to help facilitate more dialog and deepen the friendship between us…so that she can begin to trust that the changes I made are indeed permanent.
Right now, I have not spoken with, or seen her since Nov. 11th, when we had a little lunch date….and honestly, I hope that I am not seeing just the things I want to (I truly don’t think so, there always is that? In your mind, ya know?), but honestly, I do know her pretty well after 7 years, and I am/was convinced that she still has feelings for me…..the whole lunch thing didn’t even have to take place in person. She could have easily blown me off with a letter text or call, and told me to never bother her again…but we had a pretty fun lunch, and it even lasted into the late afternoon…as I picked her up at 12:00, didn’t drop her back off at her car until almost 4:30p. Lots of smiles, laughs, familiarity, even a few flirtatious comments. And one thing for sure when it came to me putting it all on the table and saying that I wanted to reconcile, I did…and like I said, she knows how I feel, she saw my emotion as well as my pain that day. But she has a boy friend, and isn’t thinking the same as I am…. Later that night we even shared a few more texts, in which I sent her a link to watch an interview with a couple that had written a book about their own experience of divorce and reconciliation….I know she took the time to watch it because she asked me a few more questions about 45 mins later. The next day on my way to work I placed the book in the mailbox and just asked that she look at the first 2 chapters….but since then, we have not spoken, so I have NO idea what she read or didn’t. The points I was thinking you might be able to give me more perspective on are about staying in contact now and then verse just being out of the picture completely. And ANYTHING that might help promote dialog I would think be a plus….but maybe not? I don’t know….it does get rather confusing ata times.
However, I am in good place overall….I am back to being the me I lost a while ago, and like I said, I have learned so very much from the entire experience. I just think that in comparison to some of the things I have seen others split over, and then get back together….I am like wow, my [censored], (our [censored]) was small potatoes in comparison.
Her relationship now is a guy from her past, someone she knew as a teen, but lost contact with until we divorced….but he lives about 2.5 hrs away, they see each other about every other weekend. He doesn’t own his own home and he lives with his parents, plus he has 3 kids from previous relationships, 1 that is older, and 2 that live up norther where he has a joint custody thing with them they will not graduate until 6 more years (I think).
So…this is a short synopsis….all I wanted was a little advice on if there was anything I might try, or what?


M 52
W 40
D 15 (step)
S 12 (step)
Married 7, together almost 8
Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..."
BD final 8/22/12

Re: LRT [Re: LITB] #2424009
01/17/14 10:46 PM
01/17/14 10:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
J
JJAC2005 Offline OP
Member
JJAC2005  Offline OP
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 208
Mid-Michigan
Originally Posted By: LITB
What exactly would you like to know about the LRT? I am sure many of us have a lot of input.

I quess I am looking for more than the unknown...I know its all I have left, but its such a sucky place to be.

Originally Posted By: LITB
LRT is effective when you sincerely and lovingly let your (ex)spouse go. When you work on your personal growth and you are living independent of your (ex)spouse.

This is what I thought I was doing...but hoped that we were still going to communicate and see each other now and then.

Originally Posted By: LITB
You clearly still have an emotional attachment to your ex. I'd venture to say that the LRT will not work until you completely let go.

OK...so I am still in love, what am I suppose to do about that?


M 52
W 40
D 15 (step)
S 12 (step)
Married 7, together almost 8
Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..."
BD final 8/22/12

Re: LRT [Re: JJAC2005] #2424011
01/17/14 10:53 PM
01/17/14 10:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
L
LITB Offline
Member
LITB  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,525
Originally Posted By: JJAC2005
OK...so I am still in love, what am I suppose to do about that?

There is nothing wrong with still being in love. That is how you feel. What are you doing with your time(GAL)? How are you different now than when this all came down? What is going to attract your ex back to you?

Here is a thought. Be the person you would want to date. What does that person look like? How do you get there?


James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance...
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