ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
hello wonka!! been awhile since i've heard from you.....hope all is well with you...dont know if you have looked in on my postings of late...ice bergs are still drifting in.....
HWS, good to know that you feel better and happier. The only thing I don’t understand is that you say you are moving on with your life and don’t care what your W does anymore. Why would you continue to text her once in a while then?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Well I suppose in a way, I still think the whole thing hasn't finished well. So it would be nice, and it is acceptable for me, to form a friendship with the W. Earlier, I would never have wanted to form that friendship, but I feel in a way I forgive her much more these days. I feel in a better place, knowing that at this time in life, we aren't R, but that I can accept that. While I am moving on (by that, dating) and I am no longer worrying about what the W is doing, saying or going, there is always that small hope in the back of the mind that says maybe she may come out of the fog or whatever. And at that time in life, I may or may not be in another relationship. So an occasional text every couple of weeks or so, isn't going to cause any issues or harm to me or my mental state. It is that chipping at the iceberg with a small teaspoon.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
I received paperwork from the solicitor today, advising that the W has signed off on the binding financial agreement, with no changes. Therefore in 28 days I will own the properties and all furnishing, electrical, garden, garage and storage container stuff. She will get the old car, the jet ski and a small amount of cash. All her own choice. I didn't ask, alter or fight for anything. I hope this makes her happy now. Me, I don't really feel anything, it is just something that happened. Neither happy or sad over it. Just nice to know I have control over the mortgages now.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Wonka, party is one week away today. Pig on a spit, I have my funny hat purchased. Still got to buy a pressie. Tossing up whether to drive convoy with the rest of the family 1.5 to 2 hours drive, from home, or to drive to the main town myself and meet up the convoy there. We then get an escort to the farm from town. Looking forward to the party, actually have no worries at all about it. It is positive news about the paperwork for the houses. At this stage it means the W is still happy in her own way with what she is doing. She again has made the choice to initiate this and then to sign the assets away. I can now start paying off the house a bit quicker. Life is good, I feel good, and I am enjoying work more than I have over the years.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Well the party is over. Great time was had. I drove in convey with my oldest son and his friends, no other family members. Arrived at the farm, where the SIL and ex best friend had already arrived. Said hello and was cheerful. The W turned up about 1 hour later with the MIL, FIL and OW. Instantly the rest of the family turned to them and made them feel welcomed. I was setting up my tent, the W walked past about 20m away and simply said "hello". That was our whole conversation for the Saturday afternoon, night and Sunday morning. She didn't say goodbye. I have gotten to the point where I simply don't care anymore. I don't have much emotion for her, what she does or for the family. Apart from my two sons. In one breath, members of the family say they don't like the OW, but certainly don't show it when laughing and giggling the whole time of the party with her. I have lost my love for the woman I was married to for nearly 23 years. I look at her and don't see anything worth fighting for anymore. I have a new life now.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Catching up here a bit. I have been on a rotation in taking care of my 86-year old grandmother who got hurt in a bad fall.
Glad to hear that the party went well.
You need to realize that your family and friends may have felt awkward around OW as well. Don't mind read too much into their interactions with the OW. The party was for DIL and there is no way they would want tension and conflict during the event, right?
I can understand where you are at now having progressed for so long in DBing and you have come very far in the journey. It is all about you now and what kind of man/father you want to be going forward.
How's your new life going for you these days? Please do drop an update here when you get the chance.
Sorry to hear about your grandmother, Wonka. It is never nice at that age to be in a fall. Wonka, appreciate those kind words you wrote. I suppose I could be mindreading about the family/friends with regards to the OW, but it didn't really seem an awkward moment for them. They were very happy to talk to her/with her either as a group or singular. The W's parents went out to the Dolly Parton concert the night before with the W and OW. It really is like she is part of the family. Doesn't matter to me, just simply stating what I saw and believe. Life for me is going well. I was transferred into a great school, good admin and fellow teachers. I am happy going to work each day.
On the more personal side, I met someone through online dating about 1 month ago. We are seeing each other 2 or 3 times each week and getting to know each other quite well. Whether meeting a new woman has made it easier to drop the rope on the W, I don't know. Or have I simply dropped the rope on the W, whether or not there is a new woman?
I have been putting a lot of DB effort into the start of this relationship. Trying to learn by my past mistakes, but also, demonstrate and use the things I have learnt in the last 15 months. I listen, validate, stop thinking about myself and don't rush anything. All those things I could do when I was the LBS, now being done with/to someone who is becoming more important to me each day.
With regards to the W, I don't really know how to continue with or about her. I don't know whether to send a text every so often, or to simply just do nothing. Actually Wonka, it would be great to have some incite into your mind, since reading a while ago your sitch. If you don't mind Wonka. How did you deal with having a relationship with someone else, while still caring for your W? Was it about dropping the rope, moving on, but still having that love/care in the back of your mind? Was it something in your mind that always said you would take her back? Was the new relationship never going to be "it all", because you still cared for the W?
My solicitor advised yesterday that all legal paperwork has been done. I will be taking over the both properties within the next few days, depending on how quick the bank acts. The MIL met my mum at the shops yesterday and continued having a go at my mum about my selfish behaviours. I am trying to remain calm about it all, but would like to ring the MIL up and give her a piece of my mind. But I won't. It really pi***s me off that I get blamed for being selfish during this separation, when I have paid for all the bills, didn't fight any of the asset splitting and even allowed the W to share in half of the tax refund ($16k) when legally she didn't need to get it. Yes I agree the W isn't getting a fair share of the assets, but that is her doing, she started the proceedings and sent the request to me. Again, there is nothing I can do about the MIL's view over this. She probably knows the truth, but has to blame someone. And that someone is me, the easiest target, or so she thinks, because I am not showing her that it gets to me. So that is my life in a few sentences at the moment. Didn't think I would ever be like this, based on only a few months ago. I didn't think I would ever get past the W walking out of my life. But I look back and think, there was probably no chance in hell of any R, since she was most likely in the affair before BD. She still hasn't admitted to anyone, or shown the relationship to anyone (ie, holding hands in public). I am deciding when to tell my boys about the new woman in my life. My big birthday (50th) is coming up in the middle of May, so I am sure she will be part of that, along with my sons. So will need to discuss with them beforehand.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Please do drop an update here when you get the chance.