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Had a visit to the ex friends house yesterday, to organise picking up the stuff being stored there.
So a couple of things were discussed:
* It seems both sons are happier with me not talking about the W.
* They both enjoyed the BBQ the other week
* The oldest son is very disappointed in W's actions and attitude
* The ex friend knew about the MIL planning to come over and rip into me. He and most of the other family members felt it was wrong for her to do that, and importantly, her views are not really justified :-)
* The family are starting to really see the smoke screen the W has put up. They are starting to see that the views, opinions and comments she has made over the last 15 months, are not necessarily true.

So overall, it doesn't change where I am at the moment (in a happy place), nor does it change my sitch. Just the knowledge that things are being see in the background.

Also had a first date yesterday. Just a get to know the other person walk, talk and coffee. Have no expectations, but was simply nice to have some company and have some interest being shown to me.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
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Originally Posted By: hotwheelsaust

* It seems both sons are happier with me not talking about the W.


Yup, it is uncomfortable for them to be put on the spot between their Mom and Dad. They love both of you and it's hard to hear one parent talk negatively about the other.

So want to be my STFU Ballroom dance partner?!! Then dust off your tuxedo and drop your PE teacher's whistle for a night. We'll have a grand time twirling around the nice, hardwood ballroom floor. grin

Hey, have you had a chance to talk with your son and DIL about the party yet? How's that going so far? You might want to ask them what they'd like to see happen and then you make that stuff happen within reason. Boy, before you know it, the date will be right around the corner.

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Wonka, would love to dust off the tuxedo and twirl around the floor with you :-)
I did speak to the son and DIL, when they were here for the bbq. Simply stated that I would love to attend and that I would not say or do anything that would make them embarrassed or ashamed. I said that I am attending for them to celebrate DIL 21st and it didn't matter if their mum attended or not, it would not make any difference to me or how I acted.
I am feeling quite comfortable about the party and I know that it won't be an emotional worry that I thought might have occurred a few weeks ago.

So I know now, to as you said, STFU about anything to do with the W while talking to the boys.

Onto my second date this Friday night now :-) with the same lovely lady. DB has certainly helped me there.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Feb 2002
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Dear HWA,
I know you walked this journey with patience and integrity. So, it can be nice to receive some acknowledgement from others, isn't it?

It also seems positive and proactive to have that talk to reassure your son and future dil. It very well may have alleviated some of their questions or concerns. Well done.


Laurie,
Divorce Busting Coach
Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
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Laurie, thank you again. It is nice to receive that acknowledgement that others are starting to see the W's smokescreen now. Not that it is some race that we are competing in, but more for my own integrity.
Yes, both the son and DIL would be feeling so much better knowing that I am going to the party with no intention of causing any fuss or issues. They will be able to look back at the 21st party last November and see that I am capable of doing that.
It also helps to be in such a better point in life with the emotions around the sitch.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Oct 2004
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HWA,

W's smokescreen now. Not that it is some race that we are competing in, but more for my own integrity.

Careful there, buddy. You are just a millimeter away from the superiority slippery slope. It would be good to be mindful of it and scorekeeping as well. She's simply on her own path that she feels compelled to walk on for whatever reasons.

Whatcha thinkin' about DIL's gift? Have you given this any thought?

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Thanks Wonka. I am not trying to come across as being superior to the W. It was just nice to hear that others are seeing both sides to the sitch better.
I do agree, she is on her own path, right or wrong, it is still her choice how she goes along that track.

Yes, I have been thinking about the gift. It is hard to buy 21st these days. Anyway at Xmas time I did ask the son if she liked tea, his reply came to late for that pressie, but I remembered it today. So we have some lovely tea shops around our area. So will look at buying her a nice unique tea pot with a variety of different teas.

You are more than welcome Wonka to hit me with those 2 x 4's if you think I am starting to one up myself too much :-)


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
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I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
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Just an update.
Third date tomorrow, a full day out bushwalking, picnic and country shops.
The lovely lady is making up a picnic lunch, I am bringing chocolates for desert and we are going to discuss where we are heading (mutual decision).
I have learnt so much from DB, and it is great using those ideals daily, without most times thinking if it is right or wrong.
While it might only be the 3rd date, we have spent many hours chatting on the phone over the last week or so.
It has to determine whether dropping the rope allowed me to show and become interested in someone, or whether meeting someone has allowed me to drop the rope easier.
Whichever, I feel a heck of a lot better that I was only weeks ago. I feel alive again. Enjoying each day and looking forward to the next day.
I have reached that point, where truthfully I could not answer whether I would want my W back again. I just feel that she has hurt me so much, that no matter how much work we both did, I don't think I would feel the same towards her. Then on top of that, her new (horrible) personality, ignoring the friends, the lack of real motherly care and concern for her sons. Also the way she treated her s21 and myself over his 21st and then engagement.
I have decided that I am moving ahead with this new lady. I will be putting all my effort into a good healthy relationship with her, but also keeping in the back of my mind the things I need to work on about me and with that us.
I won't be telling my sons, until the time comes that I know it has reached that "looks like it is going very well and going long term" time.
In the meantime, I will continue to text the W every so often, as per Wonka's suggestions. Also I am comfortable about doing this. I will reply to her if and when she texts me.
It is just so much easier for me and my health to not worry about her now. Not to worry about what she is up to, who she is with, or what weird thing she is doing or done. I don't need to check with the family what she has been doing, and that is such a huge weight off my shoulders.
I am happy. I am moving on. I am accepting I no longer have any control what the W does or why she does it. I really don't care what she does anymore. She has made her choice over 15 months ago, and really she hasn't waivered one bit. Now it is my turn to make my choice, and that is to move on and see where this new relationship might end up.

I will continue to post, just don't know how often.
I will inform all how the DIL 21st goes, that is only two weeks away. And no, the new friend will not be coming. As much as she loves camping and would be in her element there. I also would think it is disrespecting my son, his fiance, my youngest son, the W's family and friends. There will be a better time to introduce her.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Joined: Jul 2013
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"And no, the new friend will not be coming. As much as she loves camping and would be in her element there. I also would think it is disrespecting my son, his fiance, my youngest son, the W's family and friends. There will be a better time to introduce her."

Excellent HWA, not the time for her around your sons just yet. Just take it slow with her if it's meant to be it will work out........


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HWA,

Thanks for the update! It sounds like you've got your bearings pretty good and starting to live your live as you see fit. That's a great way to begin the year.


Originally Posted By: hotwheelsaust
I will inform all how the DIL 21st goes, that is only two weeks away. And no, the new friend will not be coming. As much as she loves camping and would be in her element there. I also would think it is disrespecting my son, his fiance, my youngest son, the W's family and friends. There will be a better time to introduce her.


This is a very perceptive thing to do, HWA. A smart choice on your part. Well done! smile

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