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#2423118 01/14/14 05:56 PM
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Dylis Offline OP
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Hi.
Wife married 6.5 years and my husband wants a divorce. I'm devastated and I don't think that's what he really wants. He's basing his decision from one (maybe two) overheated situation(s) and I feel he hasn't thought this through. Would love to speak to a coach but I only have $1 (literally) in my possession, so obviously can't afford it. So turning to the forum for some guidance because I figure some help is better than no help. Currently reading The Divorce Remedy and it has given me great hope. I'm at Step 5 doing the Last-Resort Technique. Divorce has not been filed (yet), but we are physically separated and I have received a Marital Settlement Agreement from his attorney in the mail (and I'm afraid and don't want to send it back).


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Dylis #2423304 01/15/14 01:18 PM
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Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.


Believe none of what he says and half of what he does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Most of us lose weight after BD.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your H is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power


Me-67, D35,S34
Cadet #2423379 01/15/14 05:18 PM
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Dylis Offline OP
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Thank you Cadet,
It's kind of difficult to GAL because I'm really limited on resources. After reading some posts through the forums it looks like H is a MLCer, at the mere age of 30 at that. He moved out and left me with a 3 year old and all the household bills, which I'm now finding out, haven't been paid in months (the ones he was responsible for). Before the forums, I came to the conclusion that he was running away from something, and boy he is really running away -- out of the country.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Dylis #2423381 01/15/14 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted By: Dylis

Wife married 6.5 years and my husband wants a divorce.


When was BD? All WAS's say they want a D. Don't fight him on it as that will only make him want it more. Don't initiate any D or M discussions at all. Often the WAS will just quit talking about it when the LBS removes the pressure.

Quote:
I'm devastated and I don't think that's what he really wants.


It is probably what he wants right now, but WAS's emotions are constantly changing.

Quote:
I have received a Marital Settlement Agreement from his attorney in the mail (and I'm afraid and don't want to send it back)


Are you saying you haven't opened it? Do open it. Face these things head-on, ignoring them just makes your fear worse. Good luck, you can do this!


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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Dylis Offline OP
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Answers for AnotherStander,

BD - 10/27/13 when we were having a fight. He moved out 11/01/13, not because of legal separation or any kind of separation but because he had to (I can explain via private message if you'd like). I don't think he's a WAS, I think he's a MLC.

It's so true about the changing feelings. In one sentence he tells me he loves me and he's done wrong, then the next he tells me he wants a divorce. His mixed feelings are giving me mixed feelings and driving me insane.

I have opened it, I've reviewed it, and marked it up with questions and notes. I phoned the lawyer yesterday to see how she wants me to handle it, convo over phone or type up letter with requests/questions, but she hasn't returned my call yet. I just wanted to delay it a little bit, but I won't because it won't help but make things worse. As soon as I hear from his atty, I'll do what I need to do.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
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Dylis Offline OP
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Haha. Cadet just re-read your post and it's true, I've lost 15 pounds in these past two months. Not on purpose. I think I lost 10 of them in the first two weeks. Which is just amazing because I wanted to lose 25 pounds and was working on it for months to no avail. So one good thing about all this.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Dylis #2423591 01/16/14 03:48 PM
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Posts: 52
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Dylis Offline OP
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He was supposed to pick up D from school yesterday and hangout. He didn't call/text to confirm whether he still was or not. I didn't call/text either to confirm; figured it was his responsibility. So I just asked the teacher that if by 5:45 he doesn't show call me and I'll come get her. He doesn't show. He finally calls around 8pm, he said, "Sorry, we left Orlando later than anticipated, may I still swing by to see D?" I wanted to say no but my D hasn't seen him in over a week and she has been asking to see him. So I said yes. He showed about 8:45, said hi, he came over with a cousin visiting from out of country who wanted to see me and D and to give us our gifts. They didn't stay long 10 maybe 15 minutes, maybe becaue I wasn't being hospitable (I wasn't in the mood), but I was cordial. And I made sure that I sounded and looked happy both over the phone and in person. But then the cousin asked me how was I. For some reason whenever someone asks me "how are you", I can't help but want to tell them the truth. I'm not good, I'm depressed, I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed, etc. So of course, I was taken aback, and I felt the expression change on my face. But through a clenched fake smile I said I'm okay. I know H noticed because I felt him and seen him (through peripheral) staring and waiting for my response.

I feel like this was a mistake. I shouldn't have let him come see her. I can't let him think that what he did was okay, because it wasn't. I did not mention or show that I was angry about him not picking her up and not contacting me when he realized he wouldn't be able to pick her up. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

Did I do good?


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Dylis #2423598 01/16/14 04:01 PM
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Posts: 52
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Dylis Offline OP
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Still no response from atty. I'm worried because when she called me the first time I was surprised (in a bad way), and probably didn't handle the call well. I wasn't mean or nasty, but I wasn't cooperative. But that's because I felt blindsided. She kind of threatened to have the papers served; "Do we have to serve you?" is what she asked. I told her she doesn't have to send me anything until I talk to my H. "Okay, I'll let my client know." in a snarky tone.

I'm afraid that now, especially since she hasn't called me back, that they might be planning to just file and serve me with papers. I hope they don't.


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Dylis #2424456 01/20/14 05:34 PM
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Posts: 52
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Dylis Offline OP
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They won't be serving papers. I spoke with atty yesterday, she called back. I don't want to be fooled that she has my and my daughter's best interest in mind, because she made it sound like she does. She is my H atty and you have his best interest in mind, because he's the one who pays you. I wish I could afford an atty. I can't even afford a coaching session. She tried to make me feel better by saying "she doesn't know why it's so easy to divorce in Florida" and that she is a Christian. Yeah you're a Christian who makes a living off of getting people divorced in the state that makes it sooo easy.

Towards the end of the conversation she offered to ask H was he willing to have mediation. I told her that it might not be best to ask him because I already know what his response will be. And she said it wouldn't hurt to try. Guess she doesn't know he's a possible MLC and that asking could hurt (me and the situation).


Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
Dylis #2427636 02/02/14 01:01 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
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Dylis Offline OP
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Me:28
H:30
D:3
M:6.5
T:7.5
BD: 10-27-13
H moved out: 11-01-13
Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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