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Previous Threads:

1: Thanks
2: Becoming PatientMan
3: Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D
4: Becoming PatientMan III - Moving Forward
5: Becoming PatientMan IV - It is Well With My Soul

When we last left our saga, XW had spent most of November and a good part of December moving closer and closer to me. She got "spooked", pushed away hard, which broke my heart all over again...so much so that I told her I couldn't keep doing this with her. It's so easy for me to hand my heart over to her only to have it broken time and time again. The depression that ensues...I just can't keep doing this and surviving.

I had been pondering having a boundaries talk with her in early November, but since she was moving closer and closer to me, thought it would be a bad time to push her away. So in light of recent events I had her secure a babysitter and we went out Sunday night to talk.

It was a good talk and we agreed on a lot. Boundaries were put into place. We need to "act divorced" (like most divorced people) for her to have space to detach from me and for me to detox from her, my addiction. (Anyone who has followed my sitch should know my XW and I have not "acted divorced" at all, which has its pros and cons.)

I'll post some more details of the talk and the change to my sitch, but wanted to keep this first post relatively short (by my standards).

The worst part of the intentional changes we made:

1) I won't see my kids as often, or get as much quality time with them
2) I really just miss my best friend

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
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"I really just miss my best friend."

This is EXACTLY how I am feeling. So sorry frown


Me, 39. H, 35.
3 boys - 13, 11, 9 - 1 w/ multiple disabilities
BD Dec 2012
Sort of a quasi in-house sep Nov 2013
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It sounds like a true break may clarify some things for both of you.

I wish you the best.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Hi PM, great to see you back. I'm sorry for the recent turn of events.

I think we can all relate to losing our best friend . . . it is most likely for me, the most painful part of this process.

How did your W react to the conversation and the boundaries? What about your girls?

How was the first week with the new rules in place?

Please remember, whenever you are having a hard time, you can always come here to vent or just get some virtual hugs.

(((PM)))


me: 44 XH: 42
M 11 years
D10 and S8
Bomb drop 9/27/13
D final 7/1/14
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Therapist knows my aversion to ADs, but thinks I should consider it.

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
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New play from The Playbook: The Robin.

Challenge accepted.

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
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Could you elaborate a bit on the above....


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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I gotta pull out the robin.


Me-35 Com law-28
S-3
T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu
1st bu- 2/2012
Rec-4/2013
2nd bu-10/2013
IC-2 yrs(anger issues)
MC- 5 mnths-fail
OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14
New OM ~10/4/14
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I don't know, bro..
Sounds like a last ditch attempt.
Kind of romantic too if what you meant by 'The Playbook: The Robin' is what I think it is.

Are you Crossing the Rubicon?


M35 XW34
D5 D4
M 6years T 10years
Bomb 5/2013
Joint Petition signed 6/2013
Moved out end of 8/2013
Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013
D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
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Originally Posted By: planet
I don't know, bro..
Sounds like a last ditch attempt.
Kind of romantic too if what you meant by 'The Playbook: The Robin' is what I think it is.

Are you Crossing the Rubicon?


Knowing me, no, but maybe. You never know what's going to happen.

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
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