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Kat, you have completely made my day with the kindness you have shown me. You are a blessing in so many ways!

My resolve is getting stronger by the day.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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Ok, so former MIL is coming for Marc's graduation. I love her dearly and I'm looking forward to seeing her. Marc is so happy his nana is coming since she hasn't been here in a number of years.

She is a sweet lady but she usually has an awkward question about what is happening with her son and I. In the past I've brushed it off with 'whatever works, works until it doesn't' but maybe, if she brings it up this time, this would be an opening to ask her opinion on the subject. How does she think he might react.

His reaction is what scares me. If I open this can or worms, there is no putting them back! No do over.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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FWIW, I think it would be harmful to bring your partner's mother into a conversation that you haven't had with your partner. The relationship is between you and Gabe.


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I think so too. I've had a long think on it and decided against it. I'll just go with the usual response of "it works for us" and leave it there.

It's getting harder by the day to just shut our all down but it had to be done for the greater good. Marc doesn't need the Apple cart upset right now.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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I am sick right now but I am saying this as loud as my sore throat will let me: please just tell the man you want a commitment already!!! Ask him to marry you and tell him that you want Marc to give you away before he joins the military.

You have been scared of this situation for years. When Marc is gone you will find another reason to not say anything. Your life is worth living! You are worthy of love. Gabe wouldn't still be there if he didn't have feelings. You apparently are both not good about talking about things. Do you think that might have caused problems the first time around?

If I am wrong just tell me...kat you are wrong and I won't bring it up again. But really you would rather live a life walking on eggshells and not being honest with the guy you love ...I find that hard to believe.

Thinking of you. kat


Me-53(and learning!)
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Awww Kat, I'm sorry you caught your baby's cold. frown She likes to share doesn't she? smile

We are abysmal at discussing things. He sits and agrees with me, I do all the talking, he gives no input and then it gets to the point where he walks out without any discussion at all. The end. FOO stuff. Big mess. I HATE confrontation. ALL CAPS! I nearly throw up if there is a disagreement of any kind. No idea where that comes from. My parents were the epitome of a happy marriage as were my grandparents and all my aunts and uncles. The models I learned from are nothing like I am. It's crazy. All of this definitely was a root cause of our problems. He never once shared his feelings about anything.

You aren't wrong kat, not at all. I walk on eggshells in constant fear that he's going to leave. Logically, I know he has not options of places to go. I know there is no one else right now but that doesn't mean there might not be sometime. I trust him....to a point. I don't think I will every fully trust him again mainly because I don't want to be proven a fool yet again. Seriously, I don't believe I would ever trust any man again, not just him. No, I don't believe all men are cheaters. I just no longer trust my own intuition.

I have to sit him down and talk to him, there just is never a good time. Yes, I'm scared out of mind about it. Rocking the boat is scary. frown I keep hearing all these messages from various places about life being too short and you only regret the things you didn't do, etc., etc.. I don't believe in signs but if I did, these might be them.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
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Life is too short! All around people around my age are passing away and I am not even 50 yet! My goal in life is to not have any regrets. So yes, I need to get a hopping on my end too.

Fear is paralyzing. But you know he left and the thing is the world didn't really end. Financial problems came up but the sun came up the next day. So like my last regression, fear was this big, dark, deep basket but as I started to pull my fears out, the inside of the basket grew lighter. It became shallow. My guide told me to kick it. So I did and it fell apart like dust into the sky.

You can do this. You have already lived through your fear so nothing worse can happen. Be brave, talk to him in the most direct terms possinble and let yourself be happy.

kat.
Ps, if I am making this sound easy, it is because it is.


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OK, so you sit him down and tell him how you envision your future together then ask him to think about it and set a date to discuss it again. Don't even ask for an immediate reaction, guys tend not respond well to being put on the spot for an answer to something they haven't had time to think about...which is why he's silent and then leaves the room. Also realize, your fear is not necessarily reality. He may indeed not want what you want but that doesn't mean you have to make some unilateral decision right then and there. You gather info and decide whether life with him is better than life without him. Doing it has to be easier than obsessing about it year after year! That's so draining.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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I tried last night but even after two margaritas I couldn't work up the courage. My throat started closing up even as I started talking. Stupid.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
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So write it down for him. Either way you need to start. Do you ever tell him that you love him?

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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