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Just realized I'm over 100 posts on my last thread, so I'm starting a new one.

Guess I Belong Here now


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
Joined: Apr 2012
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Now that we're in 2014, I thought I should update.

Xh continued to text me while he was with his family. His youngest nephew kept asking about me and even created a Nintendo mii character that looked like me. He's adorable. Guess that xh just couldn't get away from hearing about me.

When he got back in town, he invited me to watch the cowboys game. He knows I don't like football, but he had my present from my x-sil, so I decided to go over. We had a good time.

I spend NYE with friends/co-workers and had a good time. I had a long drive home, so I didn't drink much, but it was entertaining.

And while part of me wishes that xh would grow up and decide to be my husband again, it's not something that I have control over. I can only work on myself so that I can be much better in the next relationship I'm in.

He's on his journey right now and our paths may never line up again, at least not the way I'd like. But that isn't for me to decide. I need to be strong and stand up for myself, live the life that I'm meant to, and not wait around to see if xh gets his act together.

I guess since we're in a new year, I feel ready for a fresh start. Of course, I could feel differently tomorrow.


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 138
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Hi sweet,

I havent been posting for quite some time now, but i always seem to try and catch up on whats been going on with you. Sounds like your holidays went well.

I am curious about one thing, and that is how you handle going over to XH place to watch a game or hang out and what your interactions with him are like? The reason i ask is I cant even seem to look my XW in the eye anymore when we exchange our sons, and she has even told me that she is uncomfortable with the fact that i don't even acknowledge her anymore. I just don't want to be her friend right now, and it seems to bother her.

How did you get to the stage where your comfortable enough to just hang out with XH? You seem to be much more emotionally stable than i am!!


Me: 41 W: 36
M:9 yrs
Together: 12 yrs
Kids S7 S4
BD: 01/13
W filed 5/13
D final 8/13
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
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Well, I don't know if emotionally stable is the right term! Part of me just doesn't think that we're done. I know that he's still attracted to me and wants to be friends and I just can't figure out why he doesn't think we could work.

So maybe I'm just crazy. We don't have kids, so I don't see him all the time, and I can choose if I'm willing to go over there or not. Sometimes I'm not up to it and say that I'm busy/tired, etc. if I don't think I can stay upbeat.

I know he's dating someone right now, so I'm still trying to get adjusted to that, but part of me thinks that at some point he's going to realize that the issues we had weren't that big. At that point, I may have moved on, but right now I'm just trying to take things day by day and figure out what God's plan is for me.

Shouldistillhope, thanks for keeping up with my sitch. As you can see, I still have hope, even though maybe I shouldn't!


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
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I haven't seen my ex for 1.5 years. When I pick up my D I feel really anxious. I don't want to see my exw nor do I want to talk to her. I give you lots of credit for even hanging out with exh. That takes courage. Maybe when the hurt goes away I'll feel differently but not now, not today. Keep living a good life


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Hey Sweet,

Just curious if you have dated at all after your D? By asking this, i am wondering if your XH has ever had a chance to miss you? It's not my place to judge anyone's sitch, but if he wants to hang out with you yet still continue to date other women, how do you cope? Is this helping you move on? Some days i still have that hope that me and my XW will get back together, but that seems to be fading a bit as time goes on. Unfortunately for people like us, there is no set time limit on hope. Are we supposed to get out and date other people, or do we need to wait until our XH/XW start a different committed relationship with someone else at which point we start looking in a different direction? Essentially it feels like we are being held hostage, waiting for them to make a move either way so we can finally move forward and plan for a future with our without them. That part right now is by far the worst part for me. The limbo if you will. I still feel it every day, and have felt it since the day i got ILYB.

Some will say that it's way too early to begin dating. How do we or they know? It's up to each individual to decide what is in their best interest and whether or not they use the things they have learned so they can avoid going through anything like this ever again.

So i guess if you can, i would like to hear back from you regarding what it is you feel inside of you that is making you hold on to that hope. I have held on to it for what seems like forever, and i just don't seem to get any answers. No one is lurking over my shoulder whispering to me that it is time to move on, but for how long must we wait? How long before that new path is revealed to us?

Hang in there!


Me: 41 W: 36
M:9 yrs
Together: 12 yrs
Kids S7 S4
BD: 01/13
W filed 5/13
D final 8/13
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
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Thanks Rick! ShouldI, I'll respond to you in the next day or so.

I just got home from work and have a 5k race in the morning (GAL) before I go back to work, so I don't have time write now to answer your question. Plus, as I'm sure you've noticed, I'm not good at keeping things short, so it'll take awhile to type out!


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
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ShouldI, I'm going to attempt to answer your questions, as best I can.

A few days after the D was final, I signed up for a free online dating site and casually talked to a few people. Actually went on a date in August and although he was a nice guy, there was no chemistry and we didn't want the same things in life.

So far none of the guys who've messaged me or joked around about asking me out have felt right to me. I want someone who takes care of his responsibilities and has a strong faith.

And as I've been going through this, I prayed that if God intended me to be with someone else, he was going to have to bring him to me. I didn't want to make the mistake of chasing after someone just because I want a family and to be with someone again.

I think we're all different when it comes to when it's right for us to begin dating. And one day, even soon, I might meet someone that I feel could be right for me. But at this point I still think I'm supposed to stand for my R.

I do keep praying that God will direct my steps and if it's time to go in a different direction, that I'll be strong enough to do so. I just don't think xh is done, even though he thinks it would be easier if he was. And so far, I haven't moved on, so I'm trying to wait this out and see what happens.

Since I am D and free to date, I don't feel that I am in limbo. I could start a R with someone else, but I don't think that's the right thing to do at this time. And not just because I'd like to get back with xh, but because I need to figure out all of the reasons things went wrong and figure out exactly what I want in a relationship. I don't want to stumble into a relationship.

I'm not sure why I still have hope. There's just something inside of me that doesn't think we're done yet. Maybe I'm just stubborn and don't want to give up!


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
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OP Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 513
Had my 5k on Saturday morning. My first ever and I finished in 37:17. I'm just glad I made it to the finish line, so I'll take it!

Class started on Monday, so I've got a few projects and weekly chat sessions for the next few months. Feb 15 starts my weeklong exam that determines if I actually get my degree or not, but I'm trying not to stress out over it.

Last night a friend of mine had a meeting near my neighborhood so she texted to see if we could meet up after it. We went to a local restaurant and got to catch up for almost 3 hours.

I've seen/talked to xh a few times, but I'm trying to concentrate on me. Fortunately he started a job on Monday, so he won't be as worried about finances, etc. and maybe he can get his self esteem back up. I can't do anything about it, so all I can do is pray and let it go.

I miss being part of a couple, but I'm taking this time to work on myself so that I'll do better when I get that chance again. I'm feeling pretty good right now, so I'm hoping that stays around for awhile.


M36 XH34
M-5 T7
4/11 H confused
5/11 ILYB
6/11 OW discovered
7/11 I move out, OW over
5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file
9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3
3/13 H/OW break up
H files 4/13
D 6/18/13

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