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I decided to open the " presents " my H. gave me before his brother came over.

God help me...

They are books:

SURVIVING SEPARATION and DIVORCE
A woman's guide to;
Regaining control
Building strength and confidence
Securing a financial future

By Loriann Hoff Oberlin, M.S.


" NICE GIRLS DON'T GET RICH "

75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Money

by Lois P. Frankel, Phd

" CREDIT MANAGEMENT FOR DUMMIES "


So does mine take the cake or what?

Is he trying to tell me something? YA THINK?


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
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He takes the cake this year on gifts thus far.

Yes, it appears that he's trying to tell you something, i.e., preparing you for separation/divorce, and management of finances. Unfortunately, you weren't the one in charge of finances and I don't think you would have allowed things to run amuk like he has repeatedly done. The Credit Management for Dummies is the one book that he should have kept and read himself.

I'm very sorry about what you received. Hopefully the rest of your day will be better and you can enjoy the day w/your daughter and BIL.

Try not to give those presents another thought. Enjoy your day w/your family.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2417780 12/25/13 03:08 PM
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Well at least he didn't refer to you as a "Piece of S**t" refering to me, as he did to our daughter

Have a Merry Christmas and may the new year be plentiful in all ways ........(((hugs))))


Done 01/2014
#2417789 12/25/13 04:03 PM
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A year ago, I never would have believed someone could be so insensitive. Now, I would expect no less. "Fog" doesn't even begin to describe it.


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DB 12/11/2012
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Well, well...it looks like Santa left a BIG pile of coal in H's living room!

(((Ambi)))

job #2417861 12/26/13 02:10 AM
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When my daughter who doesn't cuss says" ...that was a d-ck thing to do..." That sure does say something.

I cannot even fathom what was going through his mind. I know he didn't do it to hurt me. I really believe he thinks it was a helpful thing to do.

I couldn't keep my hands from typing. : Wow H., what WERE you thinking? Not cool to open something like that in front of our daughter, let alone on Christmas.

I don't know if that was DB-ing or not, but I'm NOT a doormat. Sometimes you just have to slap the upside the head. I have no expectations, I just needed to let him know what a crappy thing to give to someone if front of their daughter. What if I had opened it up in front of his brother? Jesus , Mary , and Joseph.


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
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ILMN,

God, I'm so sorry he said something like that to your daughter. They have no clue how ugly that is to do . How it rips their hearts out.


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
#2417909 12/26/13 08:06 AM
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Wow! And here I was mildly upset that my H didn't get me anything. I'd rather have nothing than those books. So sorry. Hope the rest of your day went well.

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Wonka,

you've been on both sides...what do you make of this? Part of me says, he knows he screwed up. He's "cutting me loose" rather than bring me down with him.
He wants me to succeed and not make the same errors that he made. It's almost as if he is trying to make amends for what he is causing.

The other part of me thinks he sees me as helpless and is trying to toughen me up. Either way...thoughtful gift given thoughtlessly on Christmas.


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Ambivalent,
In my opinion, I think he thought he was giving you something that you could read and use as a reference guide as you walk through the maze of divorce and finances. To be honest w/you, I don't even think he thought of the gifts as being insensitive or thoughtless. He wanted to give you something that you can put to good use in the near future. He, in his own way, is trying to prepare you to live on your own and for you to be able to manage your finances. In a very passive way, he's advising you that he is moving forward w/his life and you should too, i.e., the book about separation and divorce. He's not trying to give you any hope of a reconciliation and he's hoping that you'll get the message from the books. Again, that's just my opinion.

I don't see him using these books as a way to make amends for what he is causing. If he were trying to make amends, he would be working w/you and advising you of all of the financial mess he's created and not just walk away. After all, you were the one that discovered everything in the last few days. He's not been open w/you at all about the delinquent hospital bills, etc.

But, keep in mind, there's no way to tell just exactly what is on his mind. Mlcers think differently than we do...but I do find yours books as a rather interesting gift based on what little discussion you and your h have had since Thanksgiving. He's put some thought into which ones to give you that he thinks will help you.

I do hope your day w/your daughter and BIL was a nice one in spite of the gift and what is going on in your life right now. Please take care of yourself. I know you've got a lot on your plate and it's going to take some time to whittle down the piles of things to do, but you'll get there.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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