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A Message from Michele
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Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: Positivespin] #2421734
01/09/14 03:52 PM
01/09/14 03:52 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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All in all I would say that's a win.

She was honest and didn't keep you on the hook. You had fun, it didn't end with acrimony.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: Positivespin] #2421767
01/09/14 05:28 PM
01/09/14 05:28 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,288
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AnotherStander Offline
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PS- sounds like the lady was at least nice about terminating it, and your response was a good one. At this point I would not contact her again, but who knows, you may hear from her down the road.

Regarding the dating advice, I totally agree with the comments you read that you shouldn't get into protracted email convo's before meeting. One thing I've learned is that you get to know someone better during 5 minutes in person than in days' worth of emails. After you've met then it's fine to email/ text to your heart's delight, but face-to-face is the only way to determine if the chemistry is there first.

Interesting baby step development with W, maybe the dating should be postponed a bit?


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: AnotherStander] #2421780
01/09/14 05:59 PM
01/09/14 05:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 535
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LBH_LC Offline
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Sorry to hear it didn't work out, PS. I'm sure you can do better, anyway smile

Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: LBH_LC] #2421785
01/09/14 06:18 PM
01/09/14 06:18 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 230
FL
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OneDay Offline
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Good for you PS. I think you nailed it and what a way to detach from x.

All in all I would take the way everything played out as a positive experience.


Me: 39 W: 33
M: 9 years
T: 10 years
S7 S10
BD 10/19/13
W Filed 11/25/13
EA Confirmed 2/2/14 (no evidence of PA)
WAW moved out 3/15/14
Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: AnotherStander] #2421804
01/09/14 07:30 PM
01/09/14 07:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 565
Northeast US
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Positivespin Offline OP
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Positivespin  Offline OP
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Northeast US
AS and labug- thanks so much for the feedback!

What kept me with her was that she is very unique and I trusted that she was VERY honest. This proved it. I greatly appreciate it. It would be great to hear from her again- My best friend doesnt think my response left the door open for that. Thoughts?

My best friend, after reading the email, immediately believed she is going with someone of the same sex because of the wording of the email. WOW did that throw me off...LOL!

Anyway, it is a very interesting baby step with X and ive done so much while she has been gone that if we ever did start talking on that kind of basis her head would spin at the positive growth.

I STILL havent received the D papers.

Whatever happens happens.This is forcing me to become a stronger individual and I need to continue my life "as if'. My problem with dating is that im VERY picky. I reviewed 600 profiles and sent 5 emails. I received 3 responses and this woman and I clicked.

I also know that my methods and techniques are that of a 3yo with fingerpaints- which doesnt help.

To positive growth......CHEERS! smile


ME 38 W 37
T18 M5
D3
BD 1/7/13
PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing
2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13
W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13
First mediation appt 12/19/13


Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: Positivespin] #2422080
01/10/14 02:04 PM
01/10/14 02:04 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,288
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AnotherStander Offline
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Originally Posted By: Positivespin
My best friend doesnt think my response left the door open for that. Thoughts?


It's kind of like DB'ing, if she's interested then she'll contact you regardless of how you think you left things. If you leave the door open too much then you're perpetually stuck as plan B.

Quote:
My best friend, after reading the email, immediately believed she is going with someone of the same sex because of the wording of the email. WOW did that throw me off...LOL!


She did say "i am a one man kinda girl" so that would seem to indicate that IF there really is another, then it's a guy. But you also have to accept that she just may not have felt chemistry with you and she's trying to let you down nicely. The thing about dating is both people have to feel the chemistry with each other. Sometimes neither feels it, and sometimes one feels it but not the other. I always tell people it's a game of numbers, you have to do a LOT of dating to find a good match. Which brings me to this:

Quote:
My problem with dating is that im VERY picky. I reviewed 600 profiles and sent 5 emails. I received 3 responses and this woman and I clicked.


If you are serious about dating then your numbers are too low. You've got to throw a bigger net. I've met women that I got along fantastic with via text/ email and we just didn't click in person. I've also met women that didn't seem like a good fit in electronic communication but we got along great in person. Don't cull too heavily based on profiles, the goal is to meet them to see what the chemistry is like.

Feels really strange offering dating advice on the DB forums wink One last bit of advise, be careful about getting stuck in the friend zone. If all you're looking for right now is a friend then fine, but make that clear in your profile so you only get responses from women looking for the same. Most of the women on dating sites are looking for a long-term relationship though, so if you try to hard too be her buddy on the first date then you might get dismissed sooner rather than later. If you're looking for love then turn on the charm- flirt with her, flatter her, romance her.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: AnotherStander] #2422785
01/13/14 04:29 PM
01/13/14 04:29 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 565
Northeast US
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Positivespin Offline OP
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Positivespin  Offline OP
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Northeast US
AS- One step ahead of me again smile......It is odd discussing/posting about dating. There will be no discussion about any steps if a new relationship develops, if ever. I post because taking any new step forward sheds light on so many different aspects of my own personal development. Its an experiment. My current (identified) issues are neediness and self confidence. I have enjoyed some successes in both areas this year but I had no idea just how much work I still need to do until I went out on a few dates, got chewed up,then spit out.

If the end goal is to become the best person I can be I need to get out of the house and meet new people. Looking for hookup- heck no. I am soooooo unprepared for that right now:)

Today, I learned something amazing. I live in a very small town and the area is very rural and sparsely populated. I emailed back and forth with someone last night a few times. This morning she posted on her FB page that she received emails from THIRTY local guys last night. WOW!

Other then that im continuing my mission.Being superman for D4. 175 pushups a day- increased by 4 each week,Im 185 lbs, 32X32 pant size - soon to be 30X32, slowly increasing calories in my diet, Reading No more Mr. Nice guy a second time (its going to require several reads). My credit score is soaring. (just got approved for my first amex card- I began with a secure card for chrissake). Financial management has become my #1 priority.

As I ramp down dating experiment one, I will now focus on learning how to play the guitar. Ive always wanted too but always got distracted. Ive got an old electric that Ill play unplugged until I get a very basic foundation.

What else to do this year
Find a new job
Find a new place to live

Not too daunting a list smile


ME 38 W 37
T18 M5
D3
BD 1/7/13
PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing
2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13
W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13
First mediation appt 12/19/13


Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: Positivespin] #2422787
01/13/14 04:32 PM
01/13/14 04:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 535
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LBH_LC Offline
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Love it, PS! 175 push-ups a day, holy smokes. Is that all at once or scattered throughout the day?

Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: LBH_LC] #2422846
01/13/14 07:28 PM
01/13/14 07:28 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 565
Northeast US
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Positivespin Offline OP
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Positivespin  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 565
Northeast US
Lefty,
currently 4 sets of 44 throughout the day (6am, 10am, 4pm, 6pm). I do these 6 days a week. I take wed off as a rest day and then up my reps by one per set on Thursday.

My diet is as follows (consume 1 pt of water before br, lunch, dinner)
br- One packet quaker maple and brown sug oatmeal (healthy weight) or 1 cup special k with berries (and .5 cup milk) (both served with one banana

10am snack- one yoplat yogurt

1pm - lunch- one box (2 servings) of green giant frozen veggies (healthy weight)

4pm- one package (8) whole wheat peanut butter crackers

Dinner- whatever the hell I want smile

The calories have been increased however since they are so low fat Im still losing weight and waist size (I was a 42/44 a year ago)

The month of February's goal will be to create a resume. I also need to start measuring my arms, chest, waist etc. I really wish I had done this from the start.

I also need to focus on spending more time ALONE. Upon further reflection this dating was really about me achieving a certain level of success over the last year and wanting it to be validated (HUGE PROBLEM). That was an Epic failure. I did find someone really unique- after getting dropped by that person (she actually said I was a "nice guy" in the so long email) I lowered my standards dramatically just to get "dates". I then found myself in "Nice guy hell" - willing to do anything to get approval.

ALL GOALS MUST BE 100% CONTROLLABLE BY ME!


ME 38 W 37
T18 M5
D3
BD 1/7/13
PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing
2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13
W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13
First mediation appt 12/19/13


Re: Mediation and the realization........PartV [Re: Positivespin] #2422857
01/13/14 08:08 PM
01/13/14 08:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,126
Detached from EVERYbody
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PatientMan Offline
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PatientMan  Offline
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Detached from EVERYbody
If you start to plateau on your body-weight exercises, let me know and I can point you to a simple weightlifting plan. Doing pushups 6 days a week, you're going to eventually exhaust the benefit of that regimen and if you want to continue to get stronger, you'll need to switch your routine up.

For me, I find that pushups don't really help my bench press, but bench press really helps up the number of pushups I can do. When you're in the 40/50/60+ number of pushups range you're working your endurance and not so much your top-end strength, the latter of which really adds muscle, burns calories, and gives your metabolism a kick in the pants.

And on some exercises there's no point for me in doing BW. For example, I don't do dips without at least a 45 pound plate hanging off of a belt because with the number of reps I can do, it's practically pointless. For me, I'll do work sets of dips with the added weight and can still keep a relatively safe/high number of reps (15-20+). Then after I've exhausted the muscle groups with the added weight, I'll finish off with a set of BW.

Kind of got rambling there. Congrats on your success! Let me know if you'd like advice on what to do or what programs I think are good/simple to follow.

-PM


M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
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