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A Message from Michele
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Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: uRworthy] #2416644
12/21/13 02:22 AM
12/21/13 02:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 866
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Whiterose Offline
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Whiterose  Offline
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Posts: 866
My great uncle died of cancer April 2010. My grandmother committed suicide September 2010 (the only grandmother H ever had) I think started the ball rolling.

S19 got into college in November 2012 sent him right over the edge.

Gone April 2013


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: uRworthy] #2416651
12/21/13 02:59 AM
12/21/13 02:59 AM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
A
Ambivalent Offline
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Ambivalent  Offline
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A
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,095
U.S.
Interesting thread.
Fall 2011, Daughter goes to college, I go into depression, cry much.

Notice he's more moody, staying out later and later with poker.


Spring of 2012, I'm out in back working like a dog in the garden. He starts a fight, blurts out " I'm not happy ". Eventually, you need to get a job.

I'm shocked at the passion, and said I'm on board, within a week I figure out what I want to do , and let him know I have to go back to school.

During Summer I produce a ton of jams and jellies, husband's picture on FB. He posts " Why do I look so old? "

He decides I have to wait 'til Fall.

Between then and February His Father dies, his friend commits suicide.

Picks little fights and blows them up. It was power and control things. Nit picking.

Jan. 2012 Now figures he can swing it, and wants me in school.

My gut told me something when we were signing the contract.

April H. loses job , second time in five years.

Mother's day buys me gorgeous flowers and gives me a card .

Within two days of that. Kablooey !

Prior to the beginning, he had made financial decisions that he kept juggling. He would choose to ignore a bill and things started piling up. We both spent money. I really didn't know the financial situation.

He has had a pattern of going into denial when things didn't go as planned or if he over projected an outcome. If something bothered him, he may try to start a conversation, but was vague, or would blurt something and then seemed at ease, like he got it off his chest and then everything was okay.

He was actually burying . It was a constant pattern, until it got too big. The financial pattern would keep repeating, and he didn't know how to stop it, couldn't cope anymore. "Something had to change." We did clear up debt before we purchased eight years ago. No car payments, no credit cards or debt other than mortgage and private school. Then things started again.

Rather than seek help, he let it build up started feeling more and more pressure, didn't feel included . It was daughter and I and then there was him , he told us. We immediately tried to rectify, but then nothing was satisfying him. He felt disconnected, alone, lonely, and started resenting.

It was all going on within himself. He was looking at a way to escape, feel better. I and our marriage must be the problem. It had to be that! If only, I woulda coulda should have, what I'd give to have the money I spent on the family room back.

Now it's I'm not coming back.

Boy if you could write a script...never mind , he is FOLLOWING the script.

So I guess he's following the same path as those before him. This will be his third year, but only 7 months since drop.

I would wait it out, but he is desiring to default so he can really play. Medicate with sex, going to bars and clubs, more poker.

I'm concerned he has to crash hard before he wakes up.


Formerly Workinprogress
H :55
M :over 29 yrs.
Together : 33
D : college
D : adult
BD and left : May 2013
Separated
Experimenting/Replay

Jan 2014...Let go of rope!


God grant me the serenity...
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: Ambivalent] #2416673
12/21/13 04:50 AM
12/21/13 04:50 AM
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,583
Los Angeles
L
luvless Offline
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luvless  Offline
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,583
Los Angeles
His mom died in 2006 and we started to have some little problems soon after. He changed beginning 2009 then bombed dropped at end of that year.


M44 H41
M20 T23
3 older teens
Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy"
EA Nov 09 w/coworker
Another PA in Mar 10
I Filed Apr 10
D final Dec 10
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: LoisB] #2416699
12/21/13 11:34 AM
12/21/13 11:34 AM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 316
C
CallaghanClown Offline
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CallaghanClown  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 316
Death of mother in his arms 1996
Disowned by family 2003
EA 2004
Rebuilt relationship with family 2005
Family breakdown again 2008
Sporting career over 2008
Rebuilt relationship with family 2010
Completely disowned by family Christmas Day 2010
Signs of severe depression 2011-2013 showing as undiagnosed medical condition, many hospital visits.
Moved to new city 2011 and struggled to settle refused to work and financial issues
Suicide threats 2011-12
Friend murdered dec 2012
Suicide conversations, withdrawal from family, depression, inappropriate behaviour, egomaniac 2013
EA/sexting August 2013
BD Sept 2013
Many EA's sept-dec 2013
PA dec 2013......merry Christmas to me!


M32 H37
DD1 6 DD2 5
M6 T10
EA 31.08.13
Separated and H moved out 19.09.13
ILYBINILWY 23.09.13
OW 11.13
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: CallaghanClown] #2416748
12/21/13 03:52 PM
12/21/13 03:52 PM
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 50
M
mj0221 Offline
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 50
I'm beginning to wonder if my H crisis started when he had 3 people working under him killed all within a years time. One shot point blank in the forehead, another shot and killed and another in a traffic fatality. I think he has blamed me ever since for not being supportive enough.

The first one was the one shot in the head, he could not even function to go to work yet he still had all these other people under him to supervise. I did support him but he blames me for telling him after a while that these other people under him are depending on him for support. He will never forgive me for that.


M:40 H:42
M: 12yrs
BD: 2/1/13
H moved out: 2/22/13
D: 11
Divorce started 11/13
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: mj0221] #2416813
12/21/13 08:13 PM
12/21/13 08:13 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,595
B
bustingout Offline
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Posts: 2,595
H's mom died when he was 14. Closet cousin dies when he was 31, his closest uncle shortly after. His father in September 2010.

I think his father's death was the final and biggest trigger


TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: bustingout] #2416819
12/21/13 08:27 PM
12/21/13 08:27 PM
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 625
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chasingpavements Offline
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 625
H lost out on a huge job promotion. Went into an interview that he was the best candidate for, it was for a management position and would have been a hefty raise as well. He felt like he completely blew the interview and it really affected him. It affected all areas of his life, he felt like a failure at everything. He was also overweight at the time. He went on to lose 50 pounds when he started to work out like crazy.

Come to think about it this also happened at the same time that my mother passed away, and she was a big part of our lives. I ended up grieving pretty heavily and he ended up resenting me for him having to take on the burden of carrying our family while I was grieving.


M: 8 yrs T:14
Twins:7 S:5
BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013
Mar/Apr/May: MC
June: "living in limbo"
Sept 12: H moves out
Oct 20: reconciling
Jan-Feb 2014:MC
Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.

Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: chasingpavements] #2416872
12/21/13 11:39 PM
12/21/13 11:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,521
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,521
Southern Maryland
Come to think of it...when my h turned 40 he was really upset w/the age and talked about getting old. About two weeks after his 40th birthday, he had an eye appointment. At that time, the doctor had advised him that he needed bifocals. When I asked about his appointment, he said everything was okay. I found out about the prescription change for him 2 weeks later when I went in for my appointment and they asked why he hadn't been in to order his new glasses. Then 6 years later all h@ck broke loose with the death of his step father and father all in the same year.

It's interesting to see what everyone is posting here about what may have trigger some of the issues with coping skills.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: job] #2417142
12/23/13 03:03 AM
12/23/13 03:03 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 712
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Portia Offline
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Posts: 712
Without a doubt the death of Skippy's father was the trigger. He did not go full blown MLC for a couple of years after that, but he was not the same since then.

Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC [Re: job] #2417147
12/23/13 03:10 AM
12/23/13 03:10 AM
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 626
G
GALbaby Offline
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 626
No real traumatic events in our lives and we have been together for nearly 40 years. My H just doesn't cope well with stress. He gets angry and irritable over nothing. His job was getting really stressful. He got a new set of male friends, clients, through his job. They are wealthy people. I think he got resentful that they all retired early and he has to continue to work...hmmm..like most of the world's population. He was very spoilt as a child. I think he just became resentful of things he couldn't have rather than all he does have. Immature...yes..very..but I think that's it. Unfortunately he needs a good wake up call. Life has been too good to him really.
This is A really interesting thread.

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