Interesting thread. Fall 2011, Daughter goes to college, I go into depression, cry much.
Notice he's more moody, staying out later and later with poker.
Spring of 2012, I'm out in back working like a dog in the garden. He starts a fight, blurts out " I'm not happy ". Eventually, you need to get a job.
I'm shocked at the passion, and said I'm on board, within a week I figure out what I want to do , and let him know I have to go back to school.
During Summer I produce a ton of jams and jellies, husband's picture on FB. He posts " Why do I look so old? "
He decides I have to wait 'til Fall.
Between then and February His Father dies, his friend commits suicide.
Picks little fights and blows them up. It was power and control things. Nit picking.
Jan. 2012 Now figures he can swing it, and wants me in school.
My gut told me something when we were signing the contract.
April H. loses job , second time in five years.
Mother's day buys me gorgeous flowers and gives me a card .
Within two days of that. Kablooey !
Prior to the beginning, he had made financial decisions that he kept juggling. He would choose to ignore a bill and things started piling up. We both spent money. I really didn't know the financial situation.
He has had a pattern of going into denial when things didn't go as planned or if he over projected an outcome. If something bothered him, he may try to start a conversation, but was vague, or would blurt something and then seemed at ease, like he got it off his chest and then everything was okay.
He was actually burying . It was a constant pattern, until it got too big. The financial pattern would keep repeating, and he didn't know how to stop it, couldn't cope anymore. "Something had to change." We did clear up debt before we purchased eight years ago. No car payments, no credit cards or debt other than mortgage and private school. Then things started again.
Rather than seek help, he let it build up started feeling more and more pressure, didn't feel included . It was daughter and I and then there was him , he told us. We immediately tried to rectify, but then nothing was satisfying him. He felt disconnected, alone, lonely, and started resenting.
It was all going on within himself. He was looking at a way to escape, feel better. I and our marriage must be the problem. It had to be that! If only, I woulda coulda should have, what I'd give to have the money I spent on the family room back.
Now it's I'm not coming back.
Boy if you could write a script...never mind , he is FOLLOWING the script.
So I guess he's following the same path as those before him. This will be his third year, but only 7 months since drop.
I would wait it out, but he is desiring to default so he can really play. Medicate with sex, going to bars and clubs, more poker.
I'm concerned he has to crash hard before he wakes up.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Death of mother in his arms 1996 Disowned by family 2003 EA 2004 Rebuilt relationship with family 2005 Family breakdown again 2008 Sporting career over 2008 Rebuilt relationship with family 2010 Completely disowned by family Christmas Day 2010 Signs of severe depression 2011-2013 showing as undiagnosed medical condition, many hospital visits. Moved to new city 2011 and struggled to settle refused to work and financial issues Suicide threats 2011-12 Friend murdered dec 2012 Suicide conversations, withdrawal from family, depression, inappropriate behaviour, egomaniac 2013 EA/sexting August 2013 BD Sept 2013 Many EA's sept-dec 2013 PA dec 2013......merry Christmas to me!
M32 H37 DD1 6 DD2 5 M6 T10 EA 31.08.13 Separated and H moved out 19.09.13 ILYBINILWY 23.09.13 OW 11.13
I'm beginning to wonder if my H crisis started when he had 3 people working under him killed all within a years time. One shot point blank in the forehead, another shot and killed and another in a traffic fatality. I think he has blamed me ever since for not being supportive enough.
The first one was the one shot in the head, he could not even function to go to work yet he still had all these other people under him to supervise. I did support him but he blames me for telling him after a while that these other people under him are depending on him for support. He will never forgive me for that.
M:40 H:42 M: 12yrs BD: 2/1/13 H moved out: 2/22/13 D: 11 Divorce started 11/13
H lost out on a huge job promotion. Went into an interview that he was the best candidate for, it was for a management position and would have been a hefty raise as well. He felt like he completely blew the interview and it really affected him. It affected all areas of his life, he felt like a failure at everything. He was also overweight at the time. He went on to lose 50 pounds when he started to work out like crazy.
Come to think about it this also happened at the same time that my mother passed away, and she was a big part of our lives. I ended up grieving pretty heavily and he ended up resenting me for him having to take on the burden of carrying our family while I was grieving.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Come to think of it...when my h turned 40 he was really upset w/the age and talked about getting old. About two weeks after his 40th birthday, he had an eye appointment. At that time, the doctor had advised him that he needed bifocals. When I asked about his appointment, he said everything was okay. I found out about the prescription change for him 2 weeks later when I went in for my appointment and they asked why he hadn't been in to order his new glasses. Then 6 years later all h@ck broke loose with the death of his step father and father all in the same year.
It's interesting to see what everyone is posting here about what may have trigger some of the issues with coping skills.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Re: Informal Poll: Onset of MLC
#2417142 12/23/1303:03 AM12/23/1303:03 AM
No real traumatic events in our lives and we have been together for nearly 40 years. My H just doesn't cope well with stress. He gets angry and irritable over nothing. His job was getting really stressful. He got a new set of male friends, clients, through his job. They are wealthy people. I think he got resentful that they all retired early and he has to continue to work...hmmm..like most of the world's population. He was very spoilt as a child. I think he just became resentful of things he couldn't have rather than all he does have. Immature...yes..very..but I think that's it. Unfortunately he needs a good wake up call. Life has been too good to him really. This is A really interesting thread.