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Needing alone time. Is it crazy? #2414109
12/13/13 01:38 AM
12/13/13 01:38 AM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,901
Piney Land
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Rick1963 Offline OP
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Rick1963  Offline OP
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Piney Land
I am in a R. We spend most of the time together. But I like a day or two just for me. It's weird. When I feel overwhelmed by her, her D and life I take off. I go home and chill. Like tonight. Couldn't do this when M. I really like it. Used to feel lonely but I don't anymore. Hope I'm not becoming a caveman.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: ] #2414141
12/13/13 04:28 AM
12/13/13 04:28 AM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 1,111
California
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WenikiTiki Offline
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WenikiTiki  Offline
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California
I am enjoying my alone time so much I'm not sure I need a relationship......

And I think it is good you see the value in your alone time. Maybe that is something you grew into.


Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32
D final 9/12
Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: WenikiTiki] #2414152
12/13/13 05:21 AM
12/13/13 05:21 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,001
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littleGTO Offline
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littleGTO  Offline
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Hi, Rick! Turtlegirl here- first night here but have been around DBing for quite a while.

Interesting that you say you are in need of your alone time. I just want to bandwagon on what gabby said...that every healthy R needs to have a balance of time together and time apart.

YOu can't be everything to each other...you need other R's with other people- friends/family... and you need to continue your own interests and hobbies too. So, don't feel guilty--I think you are perfectly validated in wanting alone time!

If you start to prefer alone time (in general) to time spent with your R partner/GF, then I would start to question this a bit!

I am also a person who likes to spend A LOT of time with my partner, but I realize in the new R I am in that it is SO important to maintain that balance.


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: Rick1963] #2415139
12/16/13 07:36 PM
12/16/13 07:36 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 51
Illinois
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tjb54 Offline
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tjb54  Offline
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Posts: 51
Illinois
If it is, I'm Nutz... I come back here every once in a great while and your the only name I recognize. Probably because I can relate on some levels. Anyway, I was starting to think i was weird/odd for that same reason as well... Who's to say...?


Me:38 W:35
T:13 M:10 (3/15/01)
SD:12 D:9 S:4
Need time to think: 7/19/11
D Bomb Dropped: 8/26/11
W serves me D papers: 9/6/11
Officially served 9/30/11
Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: tjb54] #2415188
12/16/13 09:02 PM
12/16/13 09:02 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,901
Piney Land
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Rick1963 Offline OP
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Rick1963  Offline OP
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Piney Land
tjb54, I enjoy my time alone, a lot. And no we are not weirdos because of it. But I also like spending time with others.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: Rick1963] #2415247
12/16/13 11:10 PM
12/16/13 11:10 PM
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,070
UK
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TryingToDo180 Offline
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TryingToDo180  Offline
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UK
Hi Rick, just attaching to your thread as we've talked a lot on FB smile I think you need some alone time to ease yourself into a new R. After being alone for a while now and doing your own thing, I presume, you will need to get used to having company again in your home smile We get into a comfortable routine on our own or with our family and if that routine gets disrupted for a few days we start to get stressed. Well I know I do anyway, lol.


H47 me48
T22 M21
S20 - Got high functioning autism
3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her
11/2000 H moves back home
2/4/13 H moves out
H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: TryingToDo180] #2415299
12/17/13 02:40 AM
12/17/13 02:40 AM
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
Kansas
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kat727 Offline
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kat727  Offline
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Kansas
Man what I wouldn't give for some alone time! I think I have had maybe three full nights alone since the divorce. The boys are almost always here with their friends or girlfriends. Alone time almost doesn't exist except for an hour here or there.

Enjoy! kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: kat727] #2415322
12/17/13 04:21 AM
12/17/13 04:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Sonoran Desert
Rick, no matter what anyone else says, you're weird.

But then so am I. wink


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: labug] #2415363
12/17/13 01:10 PM
12/17/13 01:10 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,901
Piney Land
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Rick1963 Offline OP
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Rick1963  Offline OP
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Piney Land
TT180 we haven't talked on FB. Think you got the wrong Rick. If its the one I'm thinking of he is a weirdo. lol

Bugsy I like being weird


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





Re: Needing alone time. Is it crazy? [Re: Rick1963] #2415401
12/17/13 02:30 PM
12/17/13 02:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Sonoran Desert
Me too!

And thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!
No translation needed. laugh laugh laugh


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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