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2old Offline OP
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Never worried about hijacking threads SP..The more knowledge we gather from others experience's the better equipped we become to deal with our own sitch's. With that said, as I continue to seek knowledge in handling my owm sitch a rare contact from my WAS was received Saturday. A short cold 2 sentence email announcing the death of her dad, my FIL.

The man and I got along very very well. He really was a kindly old man who was 84 at the time of his death Saturday. No other info was offered from her except she acknowledged how "fond" I was of him. Maybe fond is an appropriate description in her mind but in all honesty she knows it was a more than that. My response was "This is sad news, I'm sorry. Thank you for letting me know."

Even if I was given the details of the funeral I would not be able to attend. It will be several hundred miles away and since I am not being provided the arrangements it is a clear signal WAS does not want me there. The coldness continues but I am okay with that anymore.


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2,

Very sorry to hear of your FIL's passing. You CAN and probably should send something to his wife or "the family" and express your sorrow with some specific examples of what you loved about him.

Or just say you loved him. Whatever. IT's a classy thing the old man deserves. And don't forget, there is a distinct chance HE said a thing or two to his daughter about her choices, before he passed away. ((( )))


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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My sincere condolences, 2!
I agree with 25 on sending a card or likewise.
Take care!

F


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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Thank you 25 and F. I did find the obituary and left a message on the guest book to the entire family. There are 10 siblings altogether so it is a rather large family. My MIL passed 2 years ago and my WAS did not attend her funeral. Being such a large family as one might envision there was some who did not get along, hard feelings and a good amount of turmoil from over the years etc. This is what she used to not attend her mothers funeral. Her and I had talked at length about this but her decision was final.

I was just told WAS did not attend her Dad's funeral this morning either. Although I am not completely surprised I am also not understanding of how she could choose to not attend this as she truly loved him. Of ten siblings she was the only daughter/sister. The same family members however were also in charge of these arrangements as they did with thier Mom so it seems the family strife continues.

Through the obit I was able to get the details of the funeral etc. Dick was a very kind elderly man and he and I were close. He was 84 years old and died from lung and bone cancer. He survived cancer of the sinus cavities in the late 80's after a long period of surgeries/treatments.

It does sting somewhat that no further info was offered to me over the past few days. I responded to WAS 2 sentence email to me announcing FILs death quite pleasantly. Saying this was sad news, I'm sorry and thanking her for letting me know.

And no 25, he did not talk with her before his passing. As a matter of fact they had no contact since his wife/her mothers passing....


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No contact since her mom's death? And she has that many siblings ALL of whom do not contact her?

Wow...nothing odd there...


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Old,

Heard you calling my name. Here I am! smile

Wow. Your W is truly lost. I think you're doing good with the dropping the rope and letting her walk on her own path. How have you been doing? How's the GAL activities going for you?

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H
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2old, my condolences also for your FIL.

I still feel we are both on the same track/story here. I know over the months we have talked about this and while the sitch's are still different, the actions by our W's are very similar.
Based on your iceberg reference in my topic, I think we are continuing on the same wavelength still. That is the smallest chip of the iceberg, using a pin.
The moving on, changing our lives and actions, being a better man is making our lives so much better. It doesn't mean we don't want the W's to be part of our lives every again. But if they aren't, then so bit it, life goes on.
2old, should be great catching up soon.


ME:51 W:46
M:25
S:22, S:20
Divorced 16/9/15
BD 10/12
W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12.
Dark since 6/13
I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
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2old Offline OP
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Thanx H, the old man was a great guy...And hello Wonka! I've been keeping up with your posts to others. Things have been good until the recent death of my FIL. And the iceberg is as frozen as ever but letting me know in a 2 sentence email about her dads passing was at least descent. If it wasn't for the online obit however I wouldn't of known much more.

Anyway's, things have improved all around with me. There are yet a few down times. However, I have no choice but to accept things for the way they are. My WAS is on her own journey of which I want no part of. My own journey is to continue to learn and grow. To accept my share of the blame for whats happened and move forward.

Funny how things take on a different perspective with time.


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You're REAL quiet, 2?

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