I'm very happy to read your posting this morning. You struggled for a long time and now, you've rediscovered yourself and your world. This a huge step for you and guess what? You made it to the top of the mountain and can see the world with a clearer view.
I like the idea that you traded in the car and got what you wanted...that's a change and one I'm sure you are happy with. You mentioned moving out west...any particular state? Moves tend to bring out the anxiety and stress because it's a total change of environment and friends and family, but I do think that if your family is for going, then by all means start planning this move. Nothing says it has to be done today, tomorrow or even in 6 months, but planning the move can be tweaked along the way and until you are ready to pack and go.
What classes are you taking? What do you want to do in the way of a career or even a hobby?
You have come a long way and I'm so proud of you. I hope others who are "stuck" will come along and read your postings. You are an inspiration! Keep up the good work and do come back and post again real soon. We miss you!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello albamarie, I'm fairly new here and just went and read your thread. I too am living with my MLC spouse (wife)and I can really relate to how hard it is to be just roommates! That is so very hard. Seems like there is always something happening with my W that she "needs" my help with, latest being her grandmother losing her mind and moving into a nursing home. She is my family as well and when I see my W in tears trying to explain that her GM's husband who has been dead for 30 years didn't leave her yesterday and isn't coming to get her, I can't do anything but give her all the support I can. Then, later the same day I have to hear how she plans on leaving, saying "we all hurt our kids, they'll get over it", blaming me for all her pain and hurt, it's all very hard.
I too see how before B-day, my love had waned, my W had pulled away, I just NEVER thought I'd ever hear the words "I want a D, and I don't want to even try". It came as such a shock, this person who didn't "believe" in D, always said we'd be together forever, could change so much so fast! I did all the wrong things, begged, reasoned, etc. at first. Later, I too told her at one point that she wants out, she can go and I too heard "I'm not leaving my family", now all I hear is that "soon" she will leave us to "find her joy". In my case I have a father in law who is pushing her to go and every time she starts to stick her head out a bit, he gets involved and she goes right back in her shell.
I'm 11 months past B-day. Things have gotten better at times only to go back to bad. I am trying to get to where you are, to work on me and live my life as a roommate, having 2 kids (14 and 18, girls) still in school and at home makes things a bit harder but I need to get there. I guess one good thing is as far as I know there is no OP (other than her father)involved as of yet but she is ringless and acting single so probably just a matter of time.
I want you to know I have great respect for you and how far you've come. My W can be so "nice" at times and I know what you mean by "MLC nice" only too well! We do talk (not about R), laugh at times, although she sleeps on couch and we don't ML, there are times when she will accept a "loving" touch. I think there are times she would want to but won't allow herself to get that close, almost afraid that may make her less sure about needing out of her M.
It helps to know I'm not alone in this. So few on here still live with MLC S. Seeing that you have many of the same thoughts and problems helps and it helps to see how far you've come. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the best!
you sound great and i'm so happy to have come here and seen your post first thing this morning.
just happy for you across the board- jealous of your plan to move and fact that family is on board. it's allllll good. it sure has been a long long few years - hasn't it?
the family thing- getting it a bit straightened out with your parents- it's hard, it's good tho. i sure had a tortured r with my mom last few years- my traumas - her traumas - we bumbled thru tho, i always "went back" - and now that she's died- i'm glad i did. it's hard to grow old in america- our entire society marginalizes you- even your own kids. i'll spare you that rant- ( i just typed you a different post- but lost it all- luckyou - God was kind)
anyway- it's a major "thing" in life- the whole parent r- hard sometimes. but just one more thing that is part of our whole life- and we gotta somehow deal wityh it in the end (or before the end).
that unfinished business stuff will kill ya-
anyway- i'm still just putzing along here- FEELING MIGHTY UPLIFTED by your post- believing you when you say the time will come when i'll feel like that too- actually on a road somewhere.
i do feel that i "did my job" and it was a big one- just stayin alive thru my own "junk" these past couple years &dbing - and simultaneously my mom's health/age/memory problems. it's been a long long demanding few years.
i feel just empty now and glad to be alive and healthy- (aside from being sick as a dog last two weeks- I am by no means "unstuck" but i think i feel like you- that whatever went on with h in his feelings and life - he just chucked me out the window in favor of ow and a quick fix - he never "fought for" us either. too bad for him- i think it will be the biggest mistake in his life. . i just was soooo crazy in love with (who i thought he was) that i never ever thought one bad thing botu him- could put good spin on anything & everything.
don't know what to think about that- other than it's pretty dead in me now. too bad- it was maybe a giant luxury i allowed myself- total love. maybe it doesn't exist and i was nuts- don't even care now and can't criticise myself about it even.
now- onward and upward to WHAT??? IDK- STILL feel too tired and DONE to have a focus of any sort. looking at this house- i've let everything in the world in life "go" 0- never appreciated how very immersed and obcessed i was with my mom & her health/life, etc.
oh well- that's over now and myu house is like an old lady house- dusty & slightly "yellowed" - oh geeez, that sounds icky- i spring cleaned with a vengence yesterday- have quite a way to go- but some big enthusiasm going on so i'm taking advantage. i haven't feelt energetic and enthisiastic in sooooolong about anything in the universe.
thjat's such an icky thing to say- it's true tho.
your h being around the house- you being kind of at peace with him- reading with interest. the long convo you guys had and your feeling that it didn't really accomplish much. i feel this stuff too- i feel that h & i haven't really "spoken" in sooo long- the little disconnect that is such a huge disconnect.
he was here all thru mom's last month or so- it was a v. bad & hard thing, watching some die like that , i was glad for the company. he's gone now- sos - and honestly- this isn't the life for me. i need someone to give a darn if i come home at nite- i need someone to just share life with-
too bad one cannot snap fingers and make it happen right now- just have to have patience and trust God to show me the way? life sure is unknowable. i'm glad to be alive tho. i can't even feel impatience- i just feel like i need to keep rolling along- without direction even- just grateful to be alive...
i'm glad to feel interested in cleaning todayu- yay huh? what a remarkablely dopey little thing to feel grateful for. nevertheless- i am. just being interested in vacuming - i'll take it.
life is very small here - i am very neutral and i'm grateful for that too. i canot even get angry or upset at the moment- too tired for that even.
funny little place to be- ta da... i'm glad it's chillie today- feels good to be inside and "cozy"- need to go finish the edging on little antique chair i upholstered- it's wild and very perky to look at- maybe i'll take a picture and sent it- it's very representative of my mood at present- anything goes-
don't know what- but anything- xxoo gld your happy today
It was really nice to come here this morning to catch up and see your post. A few of us "started" together and it is really nice to see where we are all at these days.
You have become such a stong woman. There is lots of life coming from your posts and an acceptance that your H is just not a functioning person right now. I am sorry that he has decided to stay in the tunnel for now. He is missing a great and beautiful transformation.
As Nero said, I guess we never know where we will land in all this!
Take care of yourself and do update us when you feel like chatting.
Things have been amazing for me, and they will only get better. School is very hard and demanding, but I love it, and it will pay off immensely. I am studying to become a Phlebotomist, as a full career.
I do not consider myself Dbing anymore, as I am living my own life, and headed towards a new future. But, with the tools that I have learned here I have found that I am stronger, and able to approach situations with confidence.
I am biding my time, isn't that what they say here, time is on our side? After school and once I am situated I plan on filing for D. Letting go was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my family. I'm back! No more zombie mom, crying and daydreaming. I don't miss her, but I understand she had to go thru that for one reason or another.
Job, I am so thankful to you and all of your kind helpful words. There were days I would hang on your every letter just to feel better for that moment. Your wisdom is priceless and I hope to one day be settled and be able to pay it forward.
I have made some lifelong friends here that are an important part of my life, and always will be. The people and the dedication to the process works, but only if you realize it's about you, and for you. I didn't get that right away. I don't consider myself a slow person, but boy was I angry.
Thanks for stopping by...I hope to keep posting with positive news for the future!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Dawn, I'm very happy to come here this morning and see that you've posted.
Work hard at those studies because when it's over and done w/you'll have a nice career and one that's always in demand. You've done the work and look at all you've accomplished by working on you and finally letting go!
Time is on your side and when have completed your studies and have gotten situated, you'll be able to file for a D, if that is still what you want. For now, live your life to the fullest and enjoy your family and friends. Life is far too short not to enjoy each day as it comes around.
Dawn, I'm so very proud of you! Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dawn, thank you for our post. i am one who is stuck...want to be unstuck! D is happening for me presently. I am though much better now than I was when this started 2 years ago. Still trying to figure out me. also taking classes and am thankful for that!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
dawn - yay, you sound great. i don't get here so much either- maybe i'm not dbing either- just biding my time also.
i wish i'd get a giant notion of "what i want to be when i grow up)" - still awaiting that giant blob of wisdom that's going to plop down on my head.
doing my best to have faith- continue forward & seee what the future holds. i don't think it will be awful- i feel optimistic mostly about future. God knows why- maybe just who i am.
oh well huh? garden is blooming likemad- school hasn't called lately- i don't care too much- doing tons in house & yard & estate junk, etc.
in wierd floatie place- was furiously swirling round making notes other day- totall kind of freak-out- it passed. today i was pleasant& normal mostly.
wierd to be sitting outside of self just watchin. wonder what i'll do next??
xxoo have a great evening
i find i come here to touch base with my buddies - you got me thru for a long time here- it was hair raising, wasn't it?
i never ever go back & read it- too sad & bad. onward and upwardhuh?
