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Thanks everyone! UR, you can always read when I'm tired. I am!

I get the "not rocking the boat" felling that he is enjoying, but I don't know any other way to do it. I want to live in peace, he has no complaints about me so we are "nice". It does really sux tho.

I feel like he's just a guy. No investment, and there really is no reason to care about him.

I was watching a movie (i think about early midlife issue) and the women said we bought into the dream and it doesn't exist.

Well for me it does and I am going to surround myself with like people who fully agree. I am becoming anxious for change.

Your right KP, there is a lot of movement this new year. Sadly, I hear there are a lot of newcomers....it seems like forever ago.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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hey hi dawn.

you're sounding soooooo detachd and "gettin on with it" in life- yay you. i'm floating along here- maybe i'm all philosophical and more detached. idk- i am not a person to have different "compartments" in my life. i am a "tweed" person- it's alllll mushed up together. just putzing along having my usual dificulty drawing a line under one life and between another-

i'm in my usual wierd place- not miserable- not ecstatic- in the middle somewhere , so i'll take it i guess. i'm leaning more towards old happy self i guess. happy in sense of on an even keel- always mindful that i could all go wrong tomorrow- and that i should probably be alot more worreid- but no juice to do so.

i am amazed at my tiredness and inability to even WORRY, with a capital W. (like olden days).

this business of knowing people could live or die in the blink of an eye- its really in forefront of my mind last year or so-

my mom- who knows wtf to even think about that all??? health wise- mind-wise - it's sad to see and second-guess. alot like h & r - sad and wierd and who knows???

i'm overwhelmed with the "can't-possibly-know" edness in life. and about the most important things. wtf???

anyway- it's sure been a few long long years hasn't it? i'm so glad you're feeling good and in charge of self and heart. i am hopeful of getting as "in command" as you of my own self - (who knows, any day now???? hope springs eternal huh?)

okay- many important things to accomplish today

xxp

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You sound better Nero, you are working you way thru. Be good to yourself.

It seems easier everyday to be detached, I'm finding myself not wanting to be attached at all. Last night H late after work H made a moment about life and without thinking I said, go to someone else with that, don't alk to me.

I was shocked and my stern insistence and so was he. He STFU and slept very still. The very beginning of anything out of his mouth that sounds like MLC rant sends my mind into instant rejection of him as my H for sure, and even as someone I want to know.

I know now that I saw the changes in him and they were coming between us. I know now that I fell into a tailspin on BD when in reality I too was already feeling love loss. For some strange reason his A sent me into fight mode, fight for my H, a H I had left for a month and was not feel love for.

The only reason I can think of is because he gave up....he closed a door on us without trying, he didn't fight for me.

That's soo hard to forgive. Along with the longevity of MLC, it seems there is no going back.


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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I was just going over my last post and am so happy to be sticking to my words. I am doing well, and understand this is my time to make the best out of my life, for my future.

I did have my moment of, well lets say, going back to point A and having the very long talk about our M and R. It was to some degree helpful, I heard some "I'm sorry's" I did get some validation, and lots of forgetfulness on his part. There was a point where he said, "why would I say those things to you"?

After that day I vowed no more. We had a very intense day of going over the last 3 yrs and we both ended it in tears. H said he loved me, he wanted to be better, and is still stuck. I left him to his demonds and allowed some closure for myself.

I can't say what became of H inside himself from our talk, I do see some things but really don't engage. He's still home, cell phone on the table, full disclosure when he comes home late from work, bank account back in order. All of that is good for him, I only wish him good health.

Today I am happy to have made new friends, try new things, and open up to some friends I have left behind. THis has been a full year so far, full of happy times, some forgiving times for family members especially, and for new adventures. Every step forward I make is for me and my family. H is sitting back as a spectator, that's ok, I'm going to keep moving forward.

grin DM


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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I am very happy to come here today and see that you have posted. You sound so much better, i.e., stronger and happier. Continue has you have been.

Don't be a stranger, come back more often and let us know how you and the family are doing.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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albmarie

Quote:
I am doing well, and understand this is my time to make the best out of my life, for my future.



Sounds like you are in a good place.

"It my time to make the best out of my life"

This ^^^^ is a GREAT frame of mind.


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Thanks!

I have finally learned how to be roommates with my H. I think that was truly the hardest thing for me to do. You can't care about where they go, what they do, or whether they come back to the house on time. I call it, removing ones head from spouse rear end.

I took myself on vacation for 16 days and made sure to be very present. I woke up to the warm sun in January appreciating my life again. I returned with some great tools and confidence.

My kids have all been moving forward, my middle son in officers training, and me taking classes again at the Jr college. I have some great support around me! Funny how you can't see that when your so involved in letting his MLC take you down.

I have some hard work ahead, but I approach life now with DB tools and they are pretty handy in other aspects of my life as well. I DBed my own parents, we finally have a R with solid footing. A R with my parents finally is like a new start toward my new life. It began with them after all.

His crisis has made me go thru my own journey, thankfully I am of health mind and able to come out on top. He's now witness to my progress and he's at my door peeking in, smiling at my ability to be happy again, understanding it's not about him. He's free! He doesn't know how to feel about that!


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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I am very happy to come here and read that you took a vacation and have gone back to school. Your family should be very proud of you. MLC is not for the faint of heart, but you've managed to climb the hill and are now seeing what the horizon holds for you.

I am very proud of you. You and your family have grown so much over the last year and look at what all of you have accomplished. Go, girl!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Dawn! Your latest post makes me so happy for you. So many great things going on in your life and all because YOU made it happen!

Roommates you say? Hey, I know about that! Hahaha.

I can't wait to hear more about your vacation. Bust On!


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Good morning DBers,

Today I am waking to a good morning. I have been working on being just as happy and productive when my H is here, and not only when he's gone and I'm jumping for joy that he left. I had a very productive week, with family and friends, in home and out of my home as well, all the while H was planted firmly deep rooted right in the middle.

It took me a long time to get past that and move on knowing he is here, not participating, and sulking. I put it on myself to learn how to dismiss myself from what he is doing and not doing and to be who I am regardless of his proximity or black cloud he may be sitting under.

Everyday I have been either with attitude or actually changing something in my life that will put me in the direction of another step forward. Over the weekend I traded in what I called "his MLC car" that he picked for me out of guilt. It was a beauty, but I am much happier in my new affordable car that is in my name and I am able to handle the responsibility on my own.

My long term goal is still to move out west. So far I seem to have most of my kids on board and agreeing we will all make a better life for ourselves together. I'm feeling a little anxious about the whole thing, like I want to do this today, but I am approaching each change I need to make with caution and good thought. It sure beats the anxiety I was feeling during DBing.

H seems to be living in a little bubble he's created filled with the safety and care of his family around him content in his acceptance. He took a different route to the acceptance phase, not what we read of coming out of the tunnel and learning how to be a functioning human being in life, but that life sux's and there's nothing he can do so he's been defeated, he accepts defeat. I don't say "I'm done" anymore, he's a human being, he's never really going to be completely nobody to us, I am not willing to wash away the last 25 yrs, they happened, I was there, it was my life too.

I start classes May 19th with hopes to fill my journey and my dreams with the reality of independence and live life my way for a change. I accept nothing less than every possibility open to me at every turn until the day I am no longer here on this earth.

If someone reads this who may be "stuck" maybe with their spouse, or just within themselves, I've been there...boy was I there, it gets better! It's with in you!


The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
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