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Originally Posted By: sleeper
I have spoken with three attorneys and found one I like. She will represent me in court.

Frank, I looked at the website and you pegged me. Maybe it's because I was the "peacemaker" growing up. Doesn't matter, I am going to take action and stand up for not only myself but my children as well.

On the downside I am sure this is a case of "Parent Alienstion syndrome" (PAS) and believe X to fit the profile of an "Obsessed Alienator" (meshing her feelings and kids into one, no fear of court authority, etc).

Google "innocentdads".



Good for you sleeper, fight like he11 for your right to be a dad.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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Had a counseling session with my kids yesterday. They're totally poisoned. DD doesn't want to live with me at all. DS says he doesn't "have time" to spend with me, school and sports have consumed his time. Of the two it's obvious he isn't happy I married. I'm probably seen as the one who upset the status quo in his eyes.

Both blame me for their mother's arrest. Doesn't matter that she was breaking the law, if I hadn't called the police she wouldn't have been arrested is the way they see it.

Any attempt to exercise my custody rights is seen by them as pressuring them (they both say it's their "business and decision") by them as pressuring them to do something they don't want to do.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
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The counselor says:

The kids have been "traumatized" by being involved (by X) in what should be adult matters. (they hold X faultless and blame me for the current stress).

My relationship with my kids will be "lifelong" and this is only a small blip in the greater scheme of things (It ain't getting ettet anytime soon: years?).

I believe:

Yesterday's session was a breakthrough as it was the first time DD has spoken to me since X was arrested and there was a lot of communication between the three of us (DD, DS and myself). Counselor said very little and the convo flowed between us.

X has done quite a number on them. DD has called me a liar and yesterday said X showed DD a text to me "proving" she had informed me of an event involving kids that she never in fact did. I didn't realize until after the session X probably created a bogus contact in her phone with my name to show DD (and probably DS) with a message I never received.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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Sleeper,

Text messages sometimes get lost. I'm sure your ex is alienating your children.

But what is your part here? How have you hurt them and let them down and let things slip to this point when you had legal custody? Own your part, quit worrying about XW's part so much.


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Text messages....get lost. I disagree. I've been going back through months of them for my L and she never sent what she told D she did.

My part? DS said years ago, "Mom spoils us but dad takes care of us." X has always been very involved in her business and her boyfriend/now husband. I've always taken the kids every chance I got, have had them much more than 50% of the time (X went to Mexico last summer on "her" week and was going to leave them with a house sitter. I took them that week instead.

I may have underestimated the impact of my marriage on my kids (X married when they were still very young) and would have pursued counseling if I had known problems might occur.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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It's not too late for the C. I think many on here urged you very strongly for the C but I'm not sure if you thought it would be important.


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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Of course the kids blame you. How could they not? The only input they get is whatever their mom and OMH tell them, usually in two part harmony with annotations.

Remember, OMH had an affair with a married woman who essentially abandoned her husband while the both of you were going through a terrible time.

Now, what does that say about the character of him and her?

And when OMH recorded the event and swore that he would show it to your kids it was out of spite and having a chance to inflict pain on them, and on you.

Kind of a tantrum. I mean what kind of person DOES that?


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Quote:
Now, what does that say about the character of him and her?


C has said X "has a borderline personality." IMHO the narcissistic aspect of her "borderline personality" is in full swing. He has also commented her H is "never wrong" (apparently her H's opinion of himself). It must be a very interesting dynamic in their home and C has commented my wife and I "may be the only stability" in my kids lives (a conclusion of his that brings me no comfort).

Quote:
...OMH recorded the event and swore that he would show it to your kids it was out of spite...


Yeah, I know.

They're both very juvenile (arrested development?) and my kids are living with them.

I saw my son today at his lacrosse game, spoke to him after the game. It was very cold for a game in shorts (43). He's basically shut down emotionally.


"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib
Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12
Bomb and OM 12/15/06
Separated 01/02/07
Divorced 05/13/08
X married OM(OMH) 08/2009
Married 06/09/13
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Originally Posted By: sleeper

They're both very juvenile (arrested development?) and my kids are living with them.

I saw my son today at his lacrosse game, spoke to him after the game. It was very cold for a game in shorts (43). He's basically shut down emotionally.

Or just a symptom of their self centeredness. I mean really, if either of them were behaving as real parents they would want to insulate the kids from the problems. Instead they had to 'prove' to the kids that you were the evil one and 'mom' is simply a victim.

As far as your son being 'shut down emotionally' I beg to differ. I believe that he is choosing not to engage you because he is stuck between his loyalty to his mom who with the help of OMH took the opportunity to twist the situation to favor them.

I strongly urge you to look at "The Four Agreements" at http://www.toltecspirit.com/

the main ones that I think you should be focusing on is "Don't take things personally" and "Don't make assumptions"

You don't know where he's at emotionally and you're taking it personally. Purge those feelings and simply realize that this is his journey and your role is to be present and not discuss this event unless he wants to.


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By the way what was the result of this arrest, was she charged with anything?


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