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#2395333 10/18/13 09:26 PM
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We had what I hope to be our final meeting with mediator today.

All I need to do is sign the document that I have in my bag over the weekend with a notary. I am so ready to have this behind me.

I feel like I have been abused for the past two years.

Anytime I show emotion he either calls me a b!tch or just looks at me like see this is why I left.

Today at the meeting I cried. I was surprised at how hard it still is.

He is so cold to me.

About a week ago he went back on paying me any alimony because he "crunched the numbers and they didn't add up"

Whatever. I didn't fight him. It's pointless. He is a selfish jerk.

Today at the meeting the attorney was going through each section line by line and I got emotional I said "don't bother this document doesn't have anything I want in it. H takes out alimony but doesn't agree to postpone our court date Monday. He is a cold hearted man. "(Which I dread)

H and mediator look at me like I am an a$$hole.

I tried my best but I am human and I have emotions. For h to blame the entire breakup on me is a lot to weigh on me. The pain inflicted on my children weighs on me because he still claims it is all my fault. If he could just admit to some part in this it could ease my pain.

At least the legal part is over.

I am so grateful for my beautiful daughters. I am so so lucky.


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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I'm so sorry B. ((((((HUGS))))))))

I sat in an attorney's office today too. Shopping for the right attorney. Sitting there, hoping I would get a phone call or text from H saying, "Let's not do this. I will go to tx. I promise. I've been so stupid."

It didn't happen and it hurt. If anything, he sounded happy that I was taking initiative to work on the dissolution. He doesn't know I met with the attorney, but he didn't seem phased at all when I asked for some financial info and told him he needed to tell the girls tomorrow about the dissolution.

It hurts, but it will get better. And, you're right, you are so lucky to have your girls. What does he have? His drug of choice and his freedom. Not what I consider a win.

Much Love,

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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(((BK)))

They are selfish jerks right now. Certainly not the men we married.

You are not a b*tch. You have emotions and feelings and you are in touch with them. I get the same from H who tells me to "remove the emotions from the proceedings. It's all business." It's easy ignore your emotions when you don't have any.

I hope for your sake that the legal part is over. Every time I think we are at the end, H shakes the tree and causes more leaves to fall.

Yes, our kids make everything worth while. I hope they never have to experience this he!!.

Take care of yourself,
WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
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Quote:
If he could just admit to some part in this it could ease my pain.
I am sorry you are going through this. I know it's hard. But I will say that as somebody who received an apology and an un-apology, it doesn't make it much easier. What does make it easier is knowing that you did what you could, with the information you had, at the time you had it. Knowing that you weren't perfect, but that you didn't deserve what you got. Knowing you tried with everything you had, even if it didn't work the way you wanted it to. Knowing that even better times await you. Better than you thought possible.

It gets better. It really does.

Peace,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Brook,

I got an apology too. I can't say that I hurt any less for it.

Unless you get an apology from someone who truly understands/feels what they've done, it really doesn't mean anything. My H had a moment of clarity. I'm sure yours does too, he's just too proud to admit it.

The high of getting what he wanted will wear off. These addicts continue to leave a trail of hurt people and that won't change just because you aren't his wife. The wreckage will catch up in one or another.

Yesterday, while H was in our living room. I gave myself permission to stare at him. Not out of anger or bitterness, but to take in who he has become. He is a very frail-looking human being. He doesn't look like someone who is content, joyful, free to be himself or the person God intended. He looked weak and small. His words to me could very well been from a toddler having a tantrum. He is a child. Most addicts are, in MLC or not.

I, on the other hand, am a woman. I need a man, not another child to care for. I sometimes wonder if H knows this and that's one of the reasons he has lost interest in me. I'm no longer a victim, I'm a woman and he needs another child who will make him feel better about himself.

But, just think, (this is what I'm reminding myself) a dissolution protects you and the kids, more than before, from this toxic person. It doesn't negate the truth. And, the truth is... he has problems and somewhere, under the disease, he knows the truth of what he's done. He may spend the rest of his life medicating himself to hold that truth at bay... what a sad life.

You, on the other hand, are now free to explore a life you couldn't when the law said you were a couple.

You told me yourself, "I'm keeping my side of the street clean." You have, my dear, you have kept your side of the street clean and you have nothing to scar your soul by way of how you treated your spouse or kids. YOu honored your marriage, your spouse, your vows and your kids in a deep and meaningful way and against some truly horrific obstacles.

This is a cunning a baffling disease, but God works in Mysterious ways and He can do Amazing things. YOU will be ok. Feel it, let pain work through itself and get ready for this fabulous life you have in front of you.

Much Love,

Heather


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Brooklyn,

How are you?


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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(((Bklyn))). Had u on my mind as well.


M - 42
W- 37
S's - 9,6
M-12
T-14
FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011
ILYBNILWY - march '12
FIL - died jan '13
W Moved out week later
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HI Bklyn

Just saw your posts....I'm so sorry. How are you?

wr


M 16 T 20
M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15
Bomb drop April 4;
Moved out April 13
D started-full force
-----------------------
Dancing through the fire
Cause I am a champion and
you’re gonna hear me ROAR
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Thanks everyone for thinking of me.

Ex and I are officially divorced. It saddens me but I am busy moving on with other things. When life hands me lemons I make lemonade.

I guess the above post about wanted an apology comes from this blame that h puts 100% on me. I felt like I needed him to admit it was not Entirely my fault.

Over the past few weeks this need for him to admit this has subsided. During this time he has blamed me for several inconvinences in his life - it is preposterous.

Initially when I got into divorce busting I bent over backwards so that he wouldn't be mad at me. I thought if I did everything right if I controlled my anger, learned guitar, ran a half marathon, won mom of the year and employee of the month he would turn around and see what he was missing,

My exh never turned around. But now because of db I have all these great things in my life and great people that I have met on these boards and through alanon. I am very blessed.

These are not the results I wanted for me or my girls. I feel alone without a partner and best friend. I think it stinks for my girls to go back and forth between two homes. But they are fine and happy.

Even though this is not what I want I no longer fantasize about ex coming back. I no longer want him back. I no longer want this man who has been so cruel to us back in our home. I no longer want a man who can deny his part in this so completely. I no longer want a man who doesn't have a clue who he is. I no longer want a man who left our home while I was still breast feeding his infant daughter.

If one day I have a true partner it will be someone more self actualized then my ex. Someone who knows who they are and can express that to me. I want more then I had with ex, I deserve better.

Life is good
Make lemonade


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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BklyMom,
Bravo! Very well said. I'm sorry about the divorce, but you did in fact take those sour lemons and made a wonderful batch of lemonade. You are a success story because you are a survivor.

Your girls have a wonderful mother and she is someone that they will always have in their corner no matter what life throws at them.

You've come a long way, the journey wasn't easy, but in the end, you came out the other end of the crisis a very wise young lady who has been here to help guide others and continues to do so.

Take care of yourself and those beautiful little girls.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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