It's hard not to do things for them. Not knowing BD was coming, I bought a necklace over the summer for my H, to give him this upcoming Christmas. I'm just going to have to wear it my self I guess..... lol .... It's going to be hard to not contact especially around the holidays...but this is what they wanted. To be left alone...our reaching out, giving gifts, is what WE want.
With her still adding things to the Mint.com.... I've noticed my H still does things that he learned from me, that he thinks were positive and is implementing them in his new life. So maybe she's grown to appreciate it or finds tracking her money useful. WAS's sure are interesting
Hope you have a great weekend!
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
It's hard not to do things for them. Not knowing BD was coming, I bought a necklace over the summer for my H, to give him this upcoming Christmas. I'm just going to have to wear it my self I guess..... lol .... It's going to be hard to not contact especially around the holidays...but this is what they wanted. To be left alone...our reaching out, giving gifts, is what WE want.
With her still adding things to the Mint.com.... I've noticed my H still does things that he learned from me, that he thinks were positive and is implementing them in his new life. So maybe she's grown to appreciate it or finds tracking her money useful. WAS's sure are interesting
Hope you have a great weekend!
Thanks for the insight Mimi, I really did want to do a friendly thing for her. But now I can see how else it might be viewed and considered pursuing. I will continue my self improvement and not initiate contact and wait to hear from her lawyer on the next step of the divorce.
Hope you have a good weekend too!
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
WAS can flip your world upside down if you let them.
So, don't let them. How you feel about something can be uncontrollable bur how you react to situations is entirely in your control.
I have a mantra of sorts i developed... it was patterned after things taught to me here...
Class. Honor. Dignity.
I have found that if I apply these three attributes to a situation that it usually turns out okay.
Thanks MrCas, I have started asking myself- is what I'm about to do going to get me closer or further from my goal. I'm glad I can come here and bounce ideas off of you all, because in my head I thought it was a good idea. I'm glad you all keep me grounded. I probably would have pushed the divorce through already through my actions on my own. Thanks for helping me help myself.
I'll keep those three tips in mind regarding your mantra. I can see how they will all help regardless of the outcome.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Thanks MrCas, I have started asking myself- is what I'm about to do going to get me closer or further from my goal
What is your goal?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Glad to hear those are you goals. Now focus in the process and not the end result. Expect NOTHING from the WAW.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Been an emotionally charged day so far. Had a good AA meeting and headed to church. I didn't think the message would apply much to me reading through the bulletin but boy was I wrong. I was sobbing quietly as the pastor spoke about honoring and obeying your parents when you're a child. But when you become an adult, you still honor them for life but you sometimes have to disobey.
The marriage is when you start a new family and you have to break away from your parents. The pastor also cautioned parents of adult married children not to intervene and meddle in the affairs of their married children's lives. That could not describe more what happened once her parents heard the word alcoholic, even though I wasn't drinking anymore. They positioned themselves between us. The pastor was speaking right about what happened to us. I know I did things wrong, but I couldn't have thought this applied more to our situation if he had called me out by name.
I approached him after the service and broke down thanking him for giving that message. During his sermon, he said "it's good that you listen to this today, because I probably wont say it again for 10 years." I told him after the service that I hope for other couples sakes that he says it much more often than that. He prayed with me and I left feeling a bit better. It's been an emotional morning.
Time to work out and get busy to clear my head.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
That's wonderful that you have a Pastor you can approach when you need to. Hope you have a peaceful day at work.
me: 30 H:30 tgthr:7 m:4 no kids 5 counseling sessions initiated by H as a LR: Oct 2012 long distance marriage b/c of work since Nov 2012 official BD: July 2013 nothing filed 1/1/14 I dropped the rope
