I feel like the surgery was the last thing I needed to get done. During the last seven weeks I have closed down three businesses and opened a new one, W moved out and surgery is now also done. My house is almost ready for the winter and most important my path seems clear: Be the best man and father possible GAL Work on me Detach and stay as dark as possible
The last weeks have been crazy and I do hope that I, in the months to come will find more peace and more time to myself. I think my head is now straightened out by caring people on this forum. I have so many things on my to-do list that needs to get done but right now I need to recover from surgery.
I still love W and I still hope for another chance! I feel this LRT is good for me. I think about her all the time but I do not feel like calling her and my head isn’t making up excuses to contact her anymore – it’s almost like the opposite right now. So this path seems right for me and hopefully it will also be that in regards of possible R. Last time I saw W was 28. August but we speak quite often on the phone. I am not reaching out anymore and only call her to talk to Ds.
As always when I start a new thread I look back on my sit and especially to all of you! I can’t express what this board means to me, but I truly believe that I would have been a mess without you! I will be all right what ever happens! Thanks!
I am riding the couch these hours and in fact that’s quite comfortable. There are a lot of things I would like to get done but I need to relax and recover so it is movie time.
W just called with no other reason than asking how I am doing. She had this real soft and caring voice on – haven’t heard that tone of voice in a long time. How are you doing, are they going to check up on you, can you relax, how did they do the surgery...she kept on asking and I answered. Then she said that it is good I don’t have the children this weekend and that she just dropped them of at XW1. I agreed to this! Once again I didn’t ask her anything, told her thanks for calling and ended the call after 1˝ min.
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
I root for you every day and I pray that your W sees the man you have become and finds it in her heart to give your M another chance. That said, I also know you will come out of all of this okay regardless.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
I visited neighbors yesterday evening. Good food and good company.
I am feeling much better today and have been working quite a lot on my home today. I am off the morphine for 24 hours right now but I still take some painkillers. My stomach is all black, blue and yellow and feels like it have been 2x4 for real, but I guess that what I could expect, even though I try to live without any expectations I will definitely be ready for work tomorrow and that’s great - I need people around me these days.
I have (as all ways) been thinking a lot about sit! I still know that I will come out all right but since I do hope for a chance to R somewhere in the future my mind is wandering about how R starts, what could happen and how I should to respond if W makes a move. (I know perfectly well that R isn’t about to happen soon – If at all! I just want to feel prepared!) It seems like the path I am on right now will either end by me throwing in the towel or W making a move. How does R start? Does this follow a “script” as well? What is the appropriate reaction/action?
I also think a lot about what is going on in the mind of the WAW! How is she experiencing all of this? It is intriguing thoughts that leads absolutely nowhere but I can’t help thinking them. I would love 5 min. inside Ws head – just to get a better understanding of what she is going through.
I have tried to call S10 once today. I miss the children terribly!
Originally Posted By: LTH
I root for you every day and I pray that your W sees the man you have become and finds it in her heart to give your M another chance. That said, I also know you will come out of all of this okay regardless.
LTH, you have no idea how much a message like this means to me! It makes me glad and give’s me strength. THANKS!
F
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Nice day – I have been to work all day. I am recovering fast and feeling much better today.
D4 called this evening and that was great. Afterwards W wanted to talk – in fact I do believe she made D4 call me. W asked about how I was doing, if I had been working and so on. She also told me that MIL was staying at her place these days. Just chit chat – she did both! I listened and answered her questions. The convo with W was less than a minute. After this I started thinking about if I am coming out as not nice or to cold towards her.
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
I believe so! I try hard to remember this every time she calls. ...but I am also short in words and I haven't asked her a question in weeks that didnt concern children or practicals. She does most the talking since I don't tell her more than nosey neighbor. I try very hard to follow your advice strictly. (Tone differs a little depending on when she calls)
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
Then don't worry about her feeling you are cold towards her. This is hard for you, I realize. I know you really want to reach out to her, but just remember that she will need to see you are doing quite well without her. With some WAW's, they need to think the LBH is no longer interested in her life or what she does. It triggers something that causes her to want to see if she could still make you interested...."if" she wanted to. That is often when the WAW will take a temp check to see where he is emotionally.
She's not there yet. As often as she contacts you, it's hard to tell how long it may be before she decides to take a little test to see just how well you're doing.
Don't doubt yourself, F. You are doing a really great job!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
F, glad your recovery is going well! It sounds like you're in a good place regarding your sitch too, and that's great to see!
Regarding how R starts, well I wish I could tell you from personal experience but I can't. But I have read quite a few R stories and surprisingly it usually happens rather quickly, almost like a reverse BD. The WAS often asks to talk, and that initiates a conversation that lasts hours and covers all kinds of ground. If you ever get to that point it's important not to rush into anything, she's STILL a WAW and at that time will still have done ZERO work on herself. So here you are a changed man, having made an incredibly lengthy and strenuous journey, and you're dealing with the exact same W as before. Many LBS's become disillusioned when piecing starts because they expect their WAS to be as changed as they are and ready to start a new and improved life together. But the WAS is still carrying all the same old baggage and struggling with the same old demons. Their journey is just beginning at the start of piecing. Those who go through piecing say it's much harder work than DB'ing, and I believe it. At least in DB'ing you're only dealing with yourself and you've got 100% control!
It doesn't always happen this way, one of my buddies didn't hardly talk to his WAW for over a year and then they started going out to meals just as friends, then became friends with benefits, then fell back in love. It's been a very slow process for them.
