8 mo's post D

[Dewayne]

Well, things have hit the fan harder than expected. I've been gone a long time. Got angry, with my ex, myself, even got angry at these sites etc. I realize it was the hurt spewing from my soul.

If you haven't read my story, if it's still here, long story short. Together 11 years. She cheated when she was about 19-20. She's 29 now. We were doing great. Doing everything lovers do. Have a 3yo daughter, about to be 4. We sold all our cars, our house etc to start a business. The day we sold the house, on the way to the bank I stopped her and said "Before we do this, sell your inherited home, OUR HOME that is paid for (was junk anyways) I need to make sure you're 110% happy with me, our life together and our marriage/ family. She put her hand on my check and told me I was more than she could ever dream for and that SHE should be asking ME that. This was March, 2012.

June 19, she got put on 20mg of Citalopram for chest pains. Inside of 3 months, she was a different person entirely. My family sees it, hers not so much (didn't spend time with them hardly) Cheated, #times. Divorced. Acted different. At points even said "i'm not sure whats going on, I dont' know why I feel this way, I feel like I have a multiple personality" She's off drugs about Divorce time. Final was Feb 5th.

Well, I have been staying in my truck the last few months. Lost my roomates due to argument between friend/roomy and his landlord. He moved home to parents, I had nowhere. Got a job, lost a job. Being homeless and sleeping in your truck [censored] big time. Showering is such a great thing we don't think about missing, but is a huge part of life.

Long story shorter (sorry so long) She (ex) is with a 20 yo kid that looks 15. Says she's happy. Still living with her bro. Hardly contacts me, but hardly contacts anyone from what I hear. She ADMITS that we were happy prior to all this happening and once again, saying she doesn't know what happened, but says she's happy. She even admitted it was the antidepressants that caused her change, but is happy. (Dr. said these affects could take from a few months to a few years to go away, IF they do)

Life [censored]. I hardly get to see my daughter. Just paid my truck off, my home. and It breaks down, then causes me to lose my job. Been at my mom's for a few days now. They're glad I'm not in my truck anymore. Divorce [censored]. Dreams are horrible. I have NO motivation, severely depressed. Been doing nothing but eating since I been here at her place. . I have to sink my mind into Minecraft (game) in order to stay sane.

DB'ing stopped. "faking it to make it' doesn't work when you have mind issues that prevent you from focusing. Ex hardly contacts me, even about my daughter. YET, a few weeks ago, in a 'window' (drug w/d terms of having a good day where she can feel her emotions again and remembers things correctly) she was crying as we talked about me living in my truck. Next time we talked, cold as ice again. Not rude, but not caring. Like the crying incident didn't even happen. But, she texted me out of the blue, telling me things about her life, for 2 days. Another window? Idk.

She's cut contact from all the wild friends she's made from her mania stage. I can see progress, but no longer feel good about the little things anymore. All I feel is anger and hurt. Missing my daughter madly but Im an hour away

Sorry so long guys, came here on a whim and thought I'd stop in and post update. MY POST D story, ehh, not doing so well. Who knows, maybe in a little while it'll get better. Hope you guys are doing better than I.

Dewayne

[Cadet]

Sounds like you need to keep working on YOU!

Last thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...575#Post2316575

[brobafet]

Dewayne,

You sound like you are working through it. No motivation makes working on YOU a bit hard. As everyone here should be able to confirm. Do what you can to make your day easier. Come here and let your emotions out. That is what this place is here for right? Keep eating, that's the only thing that will keep you going, besides water.

Your situation sounds rough dude, and I could easily be in the same one, and was three years ago. StbxW seemed to come out of it after 7 months but I could tell she always had one foot out the door. Never really committed to reconciliation.

I think it was Subguy that said all he could do was maintain his status quo, which was "just being". No one expects you to just jump up and be the same guy you were before all of this happened. You were with her for eleven years...I was with my stbxW for 12, you don't just get over [censored]. I think you'll find that once you maintain "just being" you'll add other things to this. Your real work will begin once you see there is more than just eating, taking a shower.

I've got you in my prayers Dewayne.