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A Message from Michele
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Re: Here I am... [Re: Underdog] #2407068
11/21/13 06:01 PM
11/21/13 06:01 PM
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Keyes51 Offline
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Subguy, thanks for your post. I just went through some of your stuff and it really brought back some things for me. Most importantly the 5LL which I have and read years ago. Breaking it now and going to read it again. Reading all the responses from other DBrs was great too. I remember Underdog from 7 years ago to. Always great advice then and still going strong! Hope your day is going well.

Re: Here I am... [Re: Underdog] #2411043
12/05/13 03:09 AM
12/05/13 03:09 AM
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subguy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Underdog
LOL, Mel Torme made me laugh!

Subguy, I got lice in high school (it was way gross and I fainted when my mom told me). From what I remember - because I deliberately shove that memory in the bowels of my mind - it took that RID shampoo to get them off my body. No nit picking would do, as they lay those gross little eggs. And I remember my mom doing mounds of laundry for the next week.

And now that I see the true origin of the word nit picking, I think I'm going to take a Tums...

Good luck!

Betsey


LOL it is gross but... what can I do other than nit pick.

Quote:
Subguy, thanks for your post. I just went through some of your stuff and it really brought back some things for me. Most importantly the 5LL which I have and read years ago. Breaking it now and going to read it again. Reading all the responses from other DBrs was great too. I remember Underdog from 7 years ago to. Always great advice then and still going strong! Hope your day is going well.


I just saw this response... I'm glad it helped. Hope you are well.


Okay so basketball season is in full swing and I have to see my X at the games alot and well... no stomach pains or anxiety (my Daughter plays). Really I could care less if she is there and I even cut up and have a good time with my friends while at the ball game. It feels good really good to not be anxious about her presence.

With that being said I think it's time for me to date or at least ask a girl out from church who I think has shown some interest in me. Mind you it's been over 22 years since I have asked someone out other than my X and it is a little scary. You know the old saying, no balls, no blue chips and well I finally feel comfortable asking someone out. I will be clear with her right now I just want a friend to hang with and enjoy time together. I still have some healing and don't want to be hurt or hurt someone at this point. I hope I am making sense.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: Here I am... [Re: subguy] #2412294
12/08/13 05:20 PM
12/08/13 05:20 PM
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subguy Offline OP
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We had a bit of an ice storm last night, nothing to bad... Ice storms are not fun. Glad I had my propane tank filled up the other day, we lost power for about 3 hours, could have been much worse. The only down side was I over slept going to church.

I am still having moments of anger towards my X. Usually when I feel lonely or stressed about something. I still need to get better at feeling through my emotions and not reacting to them and belly aching about my X. It is just so easy to blame her hahaha, however that is not who I want to be. Loneliness is still an issue at times, I am getting better at reaching out to friends, however most of my friends are married and it makes things awkward.

I also want to get better at communicating with others. I am curious what books/web sites do you all like to read about such things. I like Ted TV, it takes some searching for subjects but I trust that site way more than you tube.

I'm still planning/ training for my half this spring. I have stepped up my intensity of work outs and feel pretty good. I have fought shin splints for years and recently a friend told me he did also. He figured out that he had knots in his calf muscles and a message therapist showed him how to work out those knots. I have been trying to massage out my calfs as they are as limber as a 2X4 lol.

Anyway, I need to finish cleaning and then I'm gonna run to the mall and get more xmas shopping done. Have a great Sunday!


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: Here I am... [Re: ] #2412431
12/09/13 02:08 AM
12/09/13 02:08 AM
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needgrace Offline
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hi subguy, a few months ago i was feeling angry with my x.. i did 2 things.. i did a daily Buddhist forgiveness meditation for a few weeks . and i worked on allowing myself to feel and release the underlying feelings, for me, the sadness that had come up. they both seemed to help and i passed through that phase. hope this helps. ((((((((((((subguy))))))))))))


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
Re: Here I am... [Re: needgrace] #2412536
12/09/13 03:19 PM
12/09/13 03:19 PM
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subguy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: needgrace
hi subguy, a few months ago i was feeling angry with my x.. i did 2 things.. i did a daily Buddhist forgiveness meditation for a few weeks . and i worked on allowing myself to feel and release the underlying feelings, for me, the sadness that had come up. they both seemed to help and i passed through that phase. hope this helps. ((((((((((((subguy))))))))))))


Thank you... Buddhist forgiveness meditation sounds interesting. I'll have to look that up.

The underlying feelings: sadness, rejection, not being good enough, and fear. Fear of what the future will look like. Ah but these feelings are slowly going away. Some days are just worse than others.

Quote:
I am almost 6 years deep and I still have moments of anger towards my ex. Especially when I am under stress, I.e issues with our daughter, what ever it may be.

The anger is much better managed these day, doesn't take over my life, and is fleeting. But it still happens, but I own it and move on.


It is nice to know this is a normal part of the process and that I'm not weird or broken lol.

Quote:
Good luck on the half. Out of all the crazy exercises I have do e, running will always be the hardest. Ever try those sock things for shin splints? My friend says they help.


Hhmm a compression sock?? I'll look into them, frigging shin splints suckkk. Thanks


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: Here I am... [Re: subguy] #2412547
12/09/13 03:42 PM
12/09/13 03:42 PM
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needgrace Offline
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hi SG, the meditation i use is by Jack Kornfield. He has some excellent ones included as CDs in a few of his books. and yes, i too think the feelings of anger and the underlying pain and hurt come and go for a long, long time.

i also have a mantra of sorts that i say: may i be happy. may i be healthy. may i be at peace. sometimes i say it for others, including my X and it makes me feel better to be able to send those thoughts out into the world. have a good week. smile


Me(f): 51 W: 41
DP:8 M:3 T:10
"W not happy" 7/11
D final: 8/13
Re: Here I am... [Re: needgrace] #2413768
12/12/13 02:17 AM
12/12/13 02:17 AM
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subguy Offline OP
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Ugh... some days I feel detached and ready to move on and start dating and some days i still feel hope we will eventually get back together. I am so sick of being wishy washy on dating and i do not know why. I guess that means i am not ready yet, I am so ready for this to be over.

Really Mike I mean really!!!!!


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: Here I am... [Re: ] #2413850
12/12/13 11:22 AM
12/12/13 11:22 AM
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subguy Offline OP
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I have been on a couple of dates... nothing earth shattering. I am gonna wait a few weeks maybe after the first of the year and see how I feel about it. Who knows what could happen smile


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Re: Here I am... [Re: subguy] #2414151
12/13/13 05:15 AM
12/13/13 05:15 AM
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littleGTO Offline
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Hi, subguy! Joining you all over here as of tonight.

As for dating--you just might meet someone when you aren't even trying to...then again, I had quick success on a dating site I went on...:)

Bottom line--you need to be ready-- don't rush yourself to date if you aren't feeling like you are ready...but be open to someone coming along- just in case!


M- 18 T-21
S-14,11 & 10
BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA)
H moved out 11-3-2012
10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life.
11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Re: Here I am... [Re: littleGTO] #2414414
12/13/13 11:23 PM
12/13/13 11:23 PM
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subguy Offline OP
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Hiya turtle... I hope you are doing well. I am choosing to wait for now as I would not want someone to date me while having one foot still in another relationship and honestly i don't know if i'm done waiting. I feel me getting real close to walking away however I need to know i gave my best.

Thanks


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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