Me 10 months on. Dark and detaching still.

[AnotherStander]

Just a thought.
* If I sent the tattoo photo to facebook and all the family and friends saw it and the words "No Second Chances" W and the dates of marriage and DB. Could this be taken as I have given up? If I then don't contact her family/friends nor the W is it showing them I have given up or I won't allow a second chance to the W?

For sure, that's how it sounds to me. What is it supposed to mean if not that?

The W knows, or should remember the line, she said it. But what if she takes it as I will not allow a second chance to her?

Then let it ride. If it means something else and you try to explain that to her, it's just going to sound to her like you're making it up to cover your butt.

Or do I simply go back to square one, it's happened and let it be?

This.

[MrBond]

Just let it go.

[hotwheelsaust]

HWA,

I'm curious as to when the last time you've spoken with W and how it was between the two of you. What have you learned from that particular interaction? Are there any cheeseless tunnels are you running into that you need to stop doing?

The last time we spoke, the W initiated, she even came and picked me up in the car. We spent about 2 hours talking. It was the first time I had seen her show emotion over our sitch. I tried to validate as much as I could. At one stage when she was tearing up, I asked if she needed a hug. The first time I have touched her in about 8 or 9 months. The conversation covered the assets and splitting. One of her comments was to change the house loans to principal and interest, rather than just interest only. I advised I can check with the bank manager about it, but don't want to spend money changing over the loans to then just have the houses sold within in the next few months. She agreed. Then after spending the next week talking to the manager getting costs etc. I get a text from her asking for my reply to the solicitors letter about asset splitting.
So my thought was "what the".
Maybe that is my cheeseless tunnel, maybe she is trying to get me to change the loans for my benefit as I want to take over the homes and buy her out. Maybe she is simply trying to get me fixed so to speak. A bit like before BD, when she got me on anti-depressants, tried to get me to quit my job and move back to the city.
In all honesty, that meeting made me think my W was starting to break down, to show emotion, to start to rethink what she was doing. No, I didn't tell her any of that.
Just me mindreading.

Thanks to all the over replies people. Time to continue to move on to another chapter. The tattoo chapter is over.

[TryingToDo180]

Glad to hear the tattoo chapter is over I'm trying to learn not to hang onto things that have been said or done in the past. Maybe I've got lessons to learn before I can move forward. Lessons like ignore the past and live for the present. Got to get over this latest hurdle first

[Wonka]

I'm trying to get a sense of time when these interactions took place. When was the last convo with W? A month ago? Or few days ago? For me, I need a clearer picture here on the time of that last convo and the posting of the tattoo.

This way, I might be able to offer a better input as to the next steps you may want to take in respect to the sitch.

Thanks much!

[hotwheelsaust]

Sorry Wonka.
The last meeting (re: the assets) was on the 21st July, the 28th July she texted wanting my reply to the solicitor (not to her, but to the solicitor) the tattoo on Facebook was 11th August. the defriend by all was the 16th August.

[Wonka]

HWA,

Thanks. Here's some food for thought.

I will take a whack at that tattoo horse one time and then I'll leave it alone from hereafter. It seems to me that at a subconscious level you're trying to get back at W by showing her the 'new" HWA by posting the picture on FB. As you can see, it backfired spectacularly for two reasons: 1) Parroting the W by taking her own words and tattooing it on your body 2) They may have misinterpreted that gesture as you being inflexible and rigid.

With the defriending schadenfreude and its consequent fall-out, it is highly recommended that you lay low in regard to the interactions with W and L. In the meantime, you can do some damage control via FB by posting upbeat stuff about you (but keep details at bare minimum) and using innocuous topics of interest to spark fun comments. It's time to show an upbeat HWA who's fun, carefree, and has his swagger back.

Above all, it is imperative to be cordial and respectful to W when she discusses issues regarding D and L exchanges.

[JuneReN]

I like Wonka's advice, but listen, I got off FB because living my own life is very difficult while on it. I post for others benefits. Although it did drive H bonkers to see I was so happy lol! (the fake it 'til you make it strategy)

The whole tattoo issue is a great analogy for the way we all interpret individually the things we see and hear. How one person's interpretation of something is so not how you see it. Good lesson. Hard one, but good

[TryingToDo180]

I agree I myself stay on FB so I can keep in touch with my family that are all over the place - America, Australia and up and down the UK.
If you look at my thread you will see the trouble FB has caused me recently, I know that HWA has commented on it. I've taken H off it now, along with this new BFF, Her mum and any1 else who is associated with H. His family I've left on it for now, they don't cause me much bother.
I'm also involved with a carnival committee which is on FB and events that are happening around the area are also posted up there. FB for me is part of my GAL, so I can keep in touch with the committee and go to the events that are posted up there!

[stilllookingup]

This also will be the last time I talk about the tatoo. When I posted last week to tell you people who saw the pic might have interpreted it differently than you did, you came back and said "They all knew what the tatoo meant" Well I get they do but my point was how they interpreted the purpose of your posting it.

You said it yourself you hadn't been posting much for a long time and you posted the pic. Just think what other people have thought about the sudden chane? One might think "oh it's the tatoo he was talking about. Well looks like he wants to tell the world he's done" or "that's the tatoo he was talking about... is he trying to make W look bad by posting it?" AS even interpreted exactly the same way I did. You even said it yourself you posted it because you were tired of being afraid of doing something without thinking about what W/family would think or say. That made me think what Wonka just said was spot on. Maybe you were subconsciously trying to get back to her by posting it. Like I said in the beginning, I didn't understand at all why you even decided to post it. It really made me scratch my head.

You know how hard it is to convey true meaning or feelings via texts or email? Same thing on FB. Your intention does not always come across the way you envision it to come out.

I thought twice or three times before I did anything related to H on FB. Changing status/profile pic, posting anything etc. While I can do whatever I want to do on fb, the last thing I wanted to do was to send a wrong message to him. He could interpret any action I do any way he wants. Now he de friended me I have my fb back. I started posting something funny that happened to me etc. Since 90% of my FB friends are my H's family and friends (my family and friends in my mother country dont use fb) they see how upbeat I am and not discussing anything to do with H. Every time I post, I get likes and "I miss you!" comments from his family and friends. So I actually really like what Wonka suggested about doing some damage control by posting very 180 upbeat status. But think hard before you do that. I'm just agreeing with Wonka's idea.

Always remember where you started HWA. Read your first thread. Stay as further away as possible from that old yourself. And don't say "I can't do anything right and W can do everything right" anymore.

Always rootin for you!