Please see the first pages of my other threads for a summary.
Long story short: Wife leaves, files TRO, drops the TRO after 204 days and wants to talk (but still divorce).
So I just got another text from my W. Asking if we can get our legal reps together to settle soon. I made the mistake of allowing myself to hope after she dropped the TRO, but it looks like nothing has really changed. She only contacts me when she wants something from me and doesn't talk about anything else.
Now that I'm allowed to talk to her again, I want so badly to try and talk to her about us, or even just make small talk, but I know that's not the right thing to do.
I think your disappointment stems from having expectations from reading something into your W's actions that wasn't there. I can see how that happened.
Trust me, Lefty... I made the same mistakes.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I don't understand why she would drop the TRO if all she wanted to do was finalize the D. What's the point? I feel like I failed some sort of test, didn't say or do the right thing this past week.
Intellectually, I know it's impossible to have an honest conversation with a WAW when they are still in walkaway mode, but my heart yearns to talk to her. I feel like I'm being torn in two.
This is why you need to keep the focus on you. I'm assuming you did not give her the money - I hope not.
You love her. I know that, you want to rescue her and be ther to help her and show her that you can be the rock you weren't before the bomb. It's not time now.
You got a glimpse................
What you need to do is get your head up, brush yoursel off and get the focus back on you......get on the bike, walk and get your ass back to volunteering.
Successful relationships happen when two strong individuals come together. We know it's a roller coaster , we are buckled in but were not in control of our wives.
You love her. You fell in love with her all over again
It's not over.......in the meantime you can't break
It's a weekend in ca..........find a 5k walk/run - its time
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Thanks guys, I know what the right thing to do is according to DB, I was just in crisis mode. Luckily, I was strong enough to do the right thing and I didn't backslide with her at all. (Just in front of you lucky guys!)
No, I didn't give her the money. I don't know that I would have even if I had the money.
Head up, stand tall and proud. Gonna be the man only a fool would leave.
I was rereading DR for the third time tonight and I came something I wanted to share. We discussed in my previous thread how MWD said to consider small favors as baby steps. Towards the end of Chapter 7, MWD talks about how the reader may be telling his/herself not to get too excite about small steps in order to protect themselves and not get too excited.
Originally Posted By: MWD
Allow yourself to notice and feel encouraged by the small signs. You need to feel hope... For now, think positively. Remember the self-fufilling prophecy is a very powerful phenomenon.
I don't understand why she would drop the TRO if all she wanted to do was finalize the D.
Do you have TROs against everyone you don't want a R with?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I was just re-reading that myself, tonight. I needed the boost, as I was pretty down today. I've been focused on those little changes myself, and being ever so careful not to backslide again.
Backsliding happens. It is being aware that it is happening that is key.
Class. Honor. Dignity.
Notice that pride is not on that list? Pride in it's best sense can be great. However, pride in it's basest form can be very destructive. It can be almost an evil force. Pride made me want to do things I really didn't want to. It compelled me to say things... to do things... to act in irrational manners.
When I look at my weight loss, I can feel something but pride isn't really one of them Joy is a better word. I am happy I feel better. I am happy that I look better. I am happy for the health benefits. Yes, I was happy when my W gave the "up and down" and the look on her face was priceless. Not sure that fell under joy or not. Hmmmmmm... Maybe just a little.
Getting back to the thread here...
Without mind reading here, could it be she dropped the TRO so it could expedite the D negotiations without having to use the lawyer or paralegal?
You didn't fail the test, brother. There is no correct answers to the WAS tests. No matter how we answer it will be wrong.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Without mind reading here, could it be she dropped the TRO so it could expedite the D negotiations without having to use the lawyer or paralegal?
I don't think so, because her last text suggested the four of us (her, me, and our legal representation) get together to discuss the settlement. Her initial text before she dropped the TRO had what seems like some real vulnerability to it. Maybe she was just testing the waters. Like everyone says, I can't get too hung up on it, because WAW are gonna walk away, to borrow a phrase.
Quote:
You didn't fail the test, brother. There is no correct answers to the WAS tests. No matter how we answer it will be wrong.
Ain't that the truth.
Off to do volunteer work at the non-profit. Breaking Bad on Netflix tonight, movies tomorrow.
