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Originally Posted By: sunshine63

I would However, disagree (sorry ) that affairs rarely happen in strong loving marriages , research has shown that they do , but I will admit that there were areas that I needed to work on , and I have been trying to do that .


I should have clarified that I meant when WAS's engage in affairs. I'm sure there are affairs happening in strong marriages, but those stories do not end up on these forums.

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This is maybe a question no-one can answer because every sitch is different , however the OW has already had 2 divorces ! She has 3 teenage children , she doesn't work, her children go to fee paying schools , drives a nice 4x4 , lives in a large house !! I'm wondering if she could be seeing a financial gain from (my ! ) H


OP is almost always a step down, it's one of the mysteries of the choices that WAS's make. If you're asking if she's a golddigger, hard to say but based on that description I'd say it sounds likely.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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"I have DB and am reading it and following the suggestions although sometime I struggle because I get no response from H ."

The thing is that you really need patience to go through this. Sometimes it will take a very long time until you get a response. That's when you need to change strategy.

Think of it like working on a new recipe. You try it out, but it doesn't taste right. So you alter things a little here and there until you get the taste (response) that you are looking for.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Hi Anotherstander
Thanks for your comments . I am worried that he will get himself into some sort of financial commitment with the OW and that will affect the support he gives our children

He also recently returned from a holiday with the OW and her 3 children !!! Our 12year old saw pictures of him on his phone with his "new family " and was totally devastated !! My heart broke for my son ! He was so gutted that his father was spending time with them and not him !! I suspect the OW paid for the holiday ! I did not mention it to my H because my son had confided in me and also because I did a 180 !! Previously I would have confronted him !

I have withdrawn from him because he upset my son. He didnt need to let son
See the pictures !! My feelings for him are changing . .He senses it because he has twice sent me txts asking if I was ok? He has never asked since he left !! He knows that I have been going out and he asked if I was going to night clubs ! I just laughed- what a cheek , it's none of his business !

I feel that I am treading water , I wonder if I should let sleeping dogs lie and forget about what he is doing , but on the other hand I am angry at the upset he is causing ! I think that he is should have had more sense than to let my / our son see pictured of him
With another family !!!!!!! I need to protect him from future hurts !What to do ????

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Thank you Mrbond I need a lot of patience !! If you read my reply to another stander it will update you to my sitch . My feelings for my H are changing ! My love is diminishing and I'm feeling very confused . He is causing upsets that are not easy to overlook . Your comments would be appreciated .

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Hello , I'm all over the place - desperate for any advice !
So H has hurt son again !!! He found txts between H and OW !!
With her saying what she wanted to do to him etc !!! And other stuff he wouldn't tell me about ! If I confront H son might not tell me anything else and have no support. But I can't let him discover any more crap . And telling him not to look wont work ! So what to do ?

Feeling very low , self esteem in short supply ! Keep thinking that its all my fault that we are in this mess , even though I know it takes two people to make or break a relationship . So frustrated that I can't fix things . I am a fixer by nature ! Have fixed our marriage previously , but it seems too far gone.
H is obsessed with OW . I can't compete . I'm everything that's bad and she is everything that's good !
It's been 7 months since he left, but emotionally he left way before. I feel that it's over , I can't do anything right .
I crave some support from someone . And crave physical contact . I practically threw myself at someone i know , who had given me the come on , , but then he backed off !! Imagine how rejected I felt !! God do I miss having sex !!! Just feel so alone !

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Hi sorry I have so many threads , don't know how that happened . Maybe too many for people to follow /answer . Anyway any comments to the above post would be really appreciated . Thanks

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Hi sticking to this thread and hoping to get done comments from you all soon ;( x

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Hi any Advice anyone - just needing some right now .
Xx
Thanks

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Hi Sunshine,

Are you working on GAL? Do something to take the pressure off - get outdoors, work out, see a movie with a friend. DB can take a long time - years - and has no guarantee. Focus on you for now.

Luke


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Originally Posted By: sunshine63

So H has hurt son again !!! He found txts between H and OW !!


Your S needs to quit snooping. Both of you know what your H is doing, there is no point in continued snooping. It's just going to hurt both of you and will give you no new or useful info.

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And telling him not to look wont work ! So what to do ?


Explain to him that his snooping is hurting not just him, but you too.

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So frustrated that I can't fix things . I am a fixer by nature !


Well most of us can relate. But you can change that "fixing" focus to you. MWD says in DR that you can effect change in your spouse by changing yourself. You CANNOT change your spouse directly. So work on you, become the spouse only a fool would leave. Strong, confident, self-sufficient. Right now you're coming off sounding very desperate and clingy, and that is NOT attractive to the WAS. Time to turn that around, you can do it!

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I practically threw myself at someone i know , who had given me the come on , , but then he backed off !! Imagine how rejected I felt !! God do I miss having sex !!! Just feel so alone !


Throwing yourself at anyone that looks at you is not going to bring you happiness and contentment. You're in a lot of pain right now, you've got to get your emotions under control before you think about introducing a new relationship into your life.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57
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