Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 10 of 13 1 2 8 9 10 11 12 13
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
So at this point I am going LRT and Dark as I can be with kids correct

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
yup TDF, dim as possible with her, just focus on YOU and the KIDS.

Think of it like you are living with a roommate with issues, and don't let the roommate affect your work or PMA, and don't get into your roommate's shizz. Well, that's what I tried to do pretty much.


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
TDF "T2, Snodderly. I let this sitch control me. It spikes my anxiety and with anxiety I don't make the right situations. There is so much hurt and resentment that comes from my W. It is beyond anything I ever seen. I think my sponsor hit it on the head, give up and move on. Do your work, give up, and move on. This is so hard for me to do, but in my heart I know this is what needs to happen. I continue to make mistakes everyday which compounds our issues. I'm not being honest with myself or her at times. She sees right through it.

So at this point I am going LRT and Dark as I can be with kids correct"


Sorry this latest development is making you feel so anxious TDF. I've been thru that when my own H was in his hateful anger stage. That pounding heart, hamster on an exercise wheel, racing thought, out of control feeling is the worst. It does make it hard (impossible?) to think rationally and make good decisions. Deep breathing and  counting my blessings helps me. Maybe you could try some exercise or meditation or deep breathing?

Please don't give up and move on while you are feeling like this. LRT is hard when you're living together but I watched a youtube about "limited contact" for married couples living together that said it can be even more effective than no contact between people living apart. It said the potential WAS can really feel you pull away, really see your changes and will start to realize that SHE is losing YOU!

So do what T says, dim it down, and focus on you and your kids. Good luck TDF, hang in there. 


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
Thx Rosa. All I can say when the wheels fall they fall off. Seems like I can't get out from underneath this negative lense lately. I have the midas touch of death. Seems like when I get over 1 hurdle I trip over 2 more. I keep picking myself up though. I honestly dont know how.

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
Nothing much to post about...guess I have joined FY, TVS and others at the "Paint Drying" exhibit at the Museum Of MLC.

Taking some time out from the forum for my own thoughts and such.

W continues to be nicer, yet distant. Adjusting to having to work, processing her own stuff I reckon.

I continue to live my my life, GAL, getting out more and trying this "old+new" T2 creation on the world, interacting with people much more than I ever used to, at the grocery store, vendors associated with work, etc. So far so good, no terrible faux pas yet, but the future is unknown...lol smile. School starts soon so registering them this week and all...fixing vehicles...eh, normal life stuff.

Nominal to profile.

smile


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
my mistake was going through the mail on Monday and seeing a giant package in the mail addressed to my W from her L. Guessing it is a contract to retain, to quick for actual papers. But seriously she couldn't pick them up and be a little discreet. She did hide them from me after the fact. She didn't know I went through the mail. She also deleted all the L's #'s off the caller ID. Whatever that means. Either way she is in position to file rather quickly. I called my L and I'm ready too

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 2,609
One thing I wanted to mention, for whoever, and for my journal:

The more I get out into the world and try out this "old+new me" thing I created, the more I am convinced/comforted that this MLC thing really wasn't all about me, that it is the mlc'er. Yes, I contributed a lot to the M issues, but have remedied them. Of course I wonder if this could have been all dealt with in MC without having a crisis, but, that's not how things rolled. I accept that. It was/is reality.

I have regained "myself", built a better self, done the work, the hard work, that this mlc journey provides such an opportunity for...it was a good thing in the end, if a painful thing. I am not what the mlc'er claimed; those things that destroy self-esteem, self-confidence, faith, trust in life when we are initial told and spewed at by the one person we trusted, opened up to, the most in life.

But I know now I am going to be okay no matter what life throws at me, and I have modelled that for my boys, and am teaching them how best I can.

"This life is more than just a read through" is really getting a lot of spin time of my jukebox... wink


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
T^2 "The more I get out into the world and try out this "old+new me" thing I created, the more I am convinced/comforted that this MLC thing really wasn't all about me, that it is the mlc'er. Yes, I contributed a lot to the M issues, but have remedied them. Of course I wonder if this could have been all dealt with in MC without having a crisis, but, that's not how things rolled. I accept that. It was/is reality.

I have regained "myself", built a better self, done the work, the hard work, that this mlc journey provides such an opportunity for...it was a good thing in the end, if a painful thing. I am not what the mlc'er claimed; those things that destroy self-esteem, self-confidence, faith, trust in life when we are initial told and spewed at by the one person we trusted, opened up to, the most in life.

But I know now I am going to be okay no matter what life throws at me, and I have modelled that for my boys, and am teaching them how best I can. "


Hey T, just trying to catch up on some of my friends' sitches but it's so hard to read with this double vision. But it makes me want to burst into song every time I say it! I am so glad to hear you say that you truly really honestly now know that W's MLC wasn't about you! That is a great step forward. All of us know that intellectually, but our traitor hearts keep telling us differently.

You really are a wonderful human being you know, goggles, clipboard and all. You WILL be okay, and your sons will be okay too! With or without W. But I know in my heart that she is one of the ones who will get over this insanity, and that you will someday be naming your threads "happily ever after!"

TDF "All I can say when the wheels fall they fall off. Seems like I can't get out from underneath this negative lense lately. I have the midas touch of death. Seems like when I get over 1 hurdle I trip over 2 more. I keep picking myself up though. I honestly dont know how.

You keep picking yourself up because you are a strong, good man P. That letter from the lawyer must have been a kick in the teeth; I'm glad you are ready to protect yourself too. But it does not necessarily mean the end. Honestly. Please try to think more positive thoughts. Do you have a good friend or pastor or someone to talk to, to pour your heart out to? Do you have a FB alias? It is pretty comforting to me.


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 2,124
T2 great words. Sometimes when spewed upon you believe it all. Rosa yes a nice kick in the teeth. I'm trying to stay under radar and get myself in a position to handle a D.

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,696
This sounds so solid, T^2. It sounds like the hard work you have done is paying off. I wonder what it will be like when you and W start more of a reconnection.

Maybe my sitch went too fast at the end. I do have H in my arms but I'm sure he has not processed all his stuff. He just didn't wanna lose me. He can be pretty snippy with me.

And I now wonder how much of him is teeny bopper? How much is typical guy stuff? (driving home slightly drunk in pouring rain at 70 mph, radio blaring, texting me on his phone ... doing a few donuts on the pavement before entering the gravel roads that lead to our house). The incessant drive for more entertainment.

My IC asked me recently how long do I think this stage will go on. From different things H has said, maybe four more years? Idk.

I continue to watch your sitch and posts with great interest b/c you seem so grounded. Hopefully when W is ready to come back she will be REALLY ready. smile

This time of year can be really busy to get ready for school, I agree.

Always thinking of you,
Always wishing the best for you,
For W,
For the family,
rH


Me54/H47
'08 H is "done"
March '12 H moved out
Brink of D, December '12
2014 totally reconciled!
......
"I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal."
Jim Conway
Page 10 of 13 1 2 8 9 10 11 12 13

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard