When my W snooped and found my DB coaching notes, she said it was "kind of creepy, and showed I wasn't listening." I think that was a big push for her to OM when she talked to a L and brought up D talk. It was a stupid mistake on my part not taking my notebook with me. But, can't go back and fix it now.
So W had to fill out her W-4...this was uncomfortable, because she hasn't done it in so long, and how to do the deductions....I SOOO wanted to say, "depends on if we are going to be married or not, makes a difference..."
But, I just acted "as if" and suggested for if we are still going to be married and all, without saying it...and that's what she rolled with...
Why can't she just say something like "I am not leaving, I still have a bunch of stuff to work through, but I want to stay married to you, I see the possibility of a great R" or something like that...man, that would get rid of the limbo feelings in me. My work is expanding, the next 2 years is going to be awesomely crazy busy building new things and secure my future, the kids' future, hers if she sticks around...and a lot of work, a lot of stress...I don't need this limbo, or a D in the middle of it and all the change and stress that entails. Arrrrgh!!
Ok, done venting...lol...not always so detached...sneaks in every now and then. This limbo does have it's draining power, that's for sure, have to re-claim detached...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Looks like you handled it the right way, T^2. I get frustrated with your W too from this distance! So glad you are patient and kind. Yet sometimes have to get out the Grrrrr!!!!!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Why can't she just say something like "I am not leaving, I still have a bunch of stuff to work through, but I want to stay married to you, I see the possibility of a great R" or something like that...man, that would get rid of the limbo feelings in me.
Yes, I think this is common. My W will not acknowledge that she feels anything for me, except under duress such as when I kicked her out. When she was packing her stuff, she left me a message that include the line, " I do love you." Yet now that she is back, I'll not hear that again.
I think this is part of the MLC. They will not say, "hey, I have issues, but deep down I realize it is better to stay here and that I love you." I think you go by their actions. She is there, so clearly she believes it is better to be married.
Maybe the combo of 2 years into all this, and her own stated "time"...taking the summer to decide, and well, summer is quickly coming to a close...has me distracted and as uR would say..."antsy"...and I know the change in business, what is ahead, is definitely affecting my patience...it's showtime in my work, I need no distractions...
okay, I WANT fewer distractions, fewer unsettled things so I can focus on building our future...there, that's better...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Not so sure it was a test. So, put that thought behind you. Serves no purpose to think about it that way, right?
You know, we have milestones we look at, we Standers. So, because it is two years and her saying she is taking the summer to think about things has you feeling antsy.
And that's ok, T. You are frustrated and that's ok, too.
Stating you want fewer distractions allows you to say what you feel and hope.
The thing of all this is, it all happens as it is supposed to happen. So it is best to just get it all out and then get back on your path.
MLC just takes a lonnngggg freakin time. No way around it.
T2, Snodderly. I let this sitch control me. It spikes my anxiety and with anxiety I don't make the right situations. There is so much hurt and resentment that comes from my W. It is beyond anything I ever seen. I think my sponsor hit it on the head, give up and move on. Do your work, give up, and move on. This is so hard for me to do, but in my heart I know this is what needs to happen. I continue to make mistakes everyday which compounds our issues. I'm not being honest with myself or her at times. She sees right through it.
